Ever closer to categorizing myself as on the spectrum

Post Reply New Topic

I type as I rock back and forth in my chair, chewing my pen lid, just having come from areas of the forum for what on earth real friendship is and what it feels like, because I have no idea. I just know the motions. I know all the motions. People follow logic, learn the logic and you can fit right in. I naturally learn the logic. But I don't attach. I'm still on the outside. One could potentially call it sociopathic. But underneath, underneath I am so, damned, hurt, and I don't let myself see it most of the time.

If I started to think of myself as on the spectrum, it would turn my world upside down. I would have to place myself in the world in a different category than I have been, would have to completely adjust my perception of the world if I at all wanted it to be as accurate as I want it to possibly be. It would be a huge change for me. I can mention it to my Dr. I suppose when I next see him. My therapist is unhelpful so far in this regard.

Been there, and it's tough. Therapists don't get it. My family dismisses it because I'm "gifted" and verbal.

What helped me was finding people who could relate(other aspies). Perhaps this could help you as well. Feeling recognized and somewhat understood added much needed salve to an old wound. It still aches occasionally, but not as deep or severe.