Not sure what this is or why - overwhelming/anxious feeling

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not completely sure how to put this into words, but I'm going to try.

When I feel overwhelmed by something, it makes me feel really anxious inside and I can feel myself getting more and more overwhelmed. I can't stop thinking about it, and if something needs doing, it's like I feel paralysed and I can't do it, which makes me feel even more overwhelmed. Then I usually end up 'going crazy' (not sure if it's a meltdown) - I crawl into a ball, rock from side to side/back and forth, put my hands over my eyes and press, squeeze my fists really tight, grit my teeth as hard as I can and cry. Sometimes, like today, I'll stand up rigidly, and do all of the above.

Here is an example. A university assignment was due in this evening, however I have been given a week's extension. I didn't manage to complete it on time, due to working nearly 50 hours per week over the past two weeks, and when I got home I just felt too tired to work (I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). The feeling has been building up as the deadline approached, and this evening, I knew that I needed to study but I was sat in bed and I felt like I couldn't go and move into the study and work. I kept saying to myself that I really need to start it as this isn't helping and it's just making me worse, but I felt more and more anxious, and then I started bouncing my leg up and down and biting the skin on my fingers. I asked my husband if he could come with me into the study to help me get there, and he said he would. So I managed to crawl off the bed, still feeling quite rigid and anxious, and then I got into the study and stood in the middle of the room with my hands pressed over my eyes, swaying from side to side and started crying. With my eyes shut, I walked over to my desk and after a few minutes, I was able to open my eyes. I looked at all the stuff on my desk and I started to feel angry and I just wanted to throw all the items off the desk and into the wall. I made myself sit down and I squeezed my fists as tight as I could and tried to breathe deeply, so that I didn't throw anything. When I started to calm down a bit, I booted the computer up, put on my headphones and listened to some music turned up pretty loud for about 10 minutes. Then I decided to write this post.

A similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago, for the same reason (overwhelming feeling about studying). I was curled up in a ball on my bed and was rocking, whilst trying to make myself go into the study. I eventually managed to make myself and I hid under my desk, in the dark with my eyes shut and in a ball, for about 15 minutes.

Does anyone know what this is that I'm feeling? Does anyone else feel like this?

I don't know why exactly this is, but I know really well what you're talking about. Very similar things happen to me. I am in therapy and this issue is the one I cited that I have the most problems with. My counselor does not seem to understand it however, and has not been helpful with this specific thing really. He seems to think it is because I am thinking of too many things to get done so I get overwhelmed, but that's not the case. It happens when there's just only 1 thing I need to get done, and oftentimes that's when it's the most prominent. That said, it might help to break down the one task into smaller ones so and try to only focus on each small step at a time, but I personally still run into the same problem. This has been an issue for me just for things like getting out of bed.

Personally it sounds like an ADHD thing, but I'm not diagnosed with that.
I am not diagnosed on the spectrum but I hang out on WP for a reason and if I am on the spectrum it's on the higher end of it for certain.
I am also not diagnosed with CFS but it is something that I think I might have. (I have one auto-immune disorder, celiac disease, so it seems likely, especially since I have symptoms of having one even though I remain gluten free, chance are higher that I have another one. Whatever I have comes in flares and is hard to predict and absolutely involves fatigue.)

Regardless, if you have CFS, going to school and working full-time is insane. I know whatever I deem as autistic symptoms (even if they aren't due to being on the spectrum) are worse/existent when I'm tired.

You're not taking care of your physical well-being, I'm certain you are over-working yourself, so don't be surprised if this isssue doesn't get resolved while you're stressing yourself so much. Your body has limits; don't push them.

^ what cavernio said.

You just sound like you are physically and mentally exhausted. See if you can take a grade of "Incomplete" and then either take a semester off, or quit that job and try again.

It would be nice if we could force ourselves to overperform, but we can't.

It seems like being stressed out.
It is probably stress due to work and study.

I think that even just recognizing stress can be hard for some people on the spectrum. I, for instance, have a really hard time recognizing many of my own emotions. Stress is one of them. Like, I know what stress is for someone else, but to then take that idea of stress as it applies to someone else, then apply it to myself, doesn't always mesh. I seem to have learned more how to interpret other people's signals more than my own, to the point that it almost feels like, for example, 'stress' is a different thing when applied to other people than 'stress' applied to me.

^Don't worry if that doesn't make sense to you. I'm a weird person.

People with ADHD, so I've read, often have the hardest time doing the most boring things. Give them something complicated, however, and its like it sets off a concentration 'spark' and they can do it. Furthermore, the harder the conscious effort to do a thing that someone with ADHD doesn't want to do, the harder it is to do that thing.

My analogy for this is like...pushing on a massive see-through wall. The task is just beyond the wall, you can see it, you go towards it, find this wall, and start to push harder and harder, only it pushes back at you with equal resistance because it's a giant freakin' wall. You put more effort into trying, and it becomes ever more frustrating to the point of infuriating.

A semi-solution is to somehow find a way to walk around the wall, because you cannot be looking at the task and walk through the wall. This is rather difficult as it involves not really thinking about the task/thing as the thing you have to get done.


I wish I could help you more, but this problem is one of my downfalls into self-sustenance.
It's taken me over 15 years to see that what I have is actually disabling. I've been in your shoes, omg have I been in your shoes.

You could try talking to a doc/psych about trying a beta-blocker. They help some with stress & anxiety.

I won't say I completely understand what you're going through, but I can definitely relate. When I'm stressed and overtired I tend to become overwhelmed and then shutdown as well. There might be a maelstrom of thought swirling in my head, but some kind of mental bottleneck is keeping me from being able to express it. When I'm at my worst, I'm practically non-verbal as I can't process even a simple coherent sentence. Unless I can self-regulate, eventually I'll burst into tears out of frustration and exhaustion or, more rarely, lash out at my immediate environment and myself. It's a terribly debilitating experience.

I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I question whether or not I might have Panic Disorder as well. I'm not sure if what I experience is a panic attack or a meltdown. I've read some here that believe a meltdown is tied to sensory overload. I personally I feel like I experience the same thing, it's just that stress is the trigger more so than excessive sensory input. I will say that when I'm having an 'episode' my senses are more sensitive and loud noises and bright lights will just make it that much worse.

I'm not sure if you'll find much commonality in what I've written here. I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on anyone, but if you can relate you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

University study is hard even without everything else that some of us have to deal with. I never made use of it myself, but I know my university offered disability services and accommodations that include things such as extended time to complete projects and assignments as well as more time during exams. I know some students would be allowed to take their exams in a private room if the classroom setting caused difficulty. It might be something to look into as you continue. Best of luck.