Appearing More Autistic When Alone in Social Situations?

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Okay, so I had no idea how to name this topic.

When I first started considering the possibility that I may have Asperger's Syndrome my family were among the first that I brought it up with. They were initially a bit incredulous as I seemed so 'normal' to them. They were of course aware of some peculiarities of my personality and behavior, but beyond that they didn't see me as all that different.

I've recently begun to think that maybe they're right. I have a very close and supportive family and around them I think I do function quite normally despite a few quirks. But, when I'm left to my own devices in a new and unfamiliar social environment I'm very different and I'm sure I come off as very odd and, well, more 'autistic' in my social impairment.

What I've noticed recently though, is that if I'm with someone familiar and comfortable like a family member in these unfamiliar settings, I think I either 'mask' better or the other person is able to fill in the gaps where I would be extremely socially awkward if they weren't present. It's like I have a guide with me at these times to navigate around social pitfalls and to supplement the conversation when there's a lull. They're there to prompt me when I don't know what more to say or how to respond.

The last two therapists that I've seen picked up on AS within the first session I had with them before I even mentioned it. I'm thinking now that without a 'wingman' my symptoms are much more obvious.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Can you 'hide' better if you have someone to help 'cover' for you whether they realize they're doing it or not?

Also, is it possible that members of your family share some of your quirks and so you fit in nicely with that subculture, therefore AS isn't as apparent?

I don't have an answer, I noticed long ago that I am more comfortable with people who share at least some of my traits. A big part of that is influenced by sensory & perceptive issues, though & being in a group that intrinsically understands those removes them as a variable, so to speak.

Throw me into a pit - oops, cocktail party - of NT people and my differences immediately become apparent. It's sort of like that experiment you did as a kid where you sprinkle pepper on a bowl of water and then put a single drop of soap in the center...

This makes a lot of sense to me. I definately mask my oddness in all situations when I'm with my family I know how to act because I have a lifetime of experience and also I think there is less scrutiny from people who think they know you well. In less familar situations I am different or less at ease because I don't really understand the scenario as well. I also try to mirror the way other people are so if I'm with an extrovert I will appear more extroverted. That makes group situations really difficult obviously so I tend to avoid them or shrink into the background.

yes

If I am alone in a social situation, I will be very quiet and will not start conversations with anybody. I also will not stay in that social enviroment very long as my anxiety will overwhelm me very quickly. Now if I am with family or a friend, I can tollerate it longer, will be a bit more outgoing, but I will still need extended alone down time afterwards to process and recover. I have sensory issues with background noise overwhelming the converstation going on right in front of me. And it can become unbearable very quickly. Many times I have had to excuse myself and go out to the truck or to a quiet corner to keep from melting down. Having a wingman/woman is a coping mechnism for all of us. And its a good one to have IMHO. It allows us to be out in public more and not just be a reclusive shut in. dodger

I hide it around tons of people, but show it when I'm in a class.

I've noticed this about myself, yes. When I happen to go somewhere with a friend, whether it's shopping or to a party or just out for a walk, I can rise to the occasion more easily in any social encounter because somehow it's easier to join in on an interaction if my friend is doing it too, or first. I've realized I can come across as a lot more sociable and even "normal" if I have that wingman person with me.

When I'm socializing alone it's much harder to come out of my shell and not just stay silent in a corner.

Very important.

Hanging around with people who know you well means that they subconsciously "fill in the gaps" when interpreting you and instinctively / culturally understand the true meaning of what you're saying, therefore you're not always made to feel self-concious and awkward as you would with strangers who immediately take a dislike to you because they don't understand what you're trying to say and/or take offence to what you say.

If I were to make a sarcastic and/or bad taste joke - at the expense of a minority sexual orientation for instance - then people who knew me would take it for sarcasm or would make the effort to perceive the hidden joke I'd made within the context of the conversation.

However, people who don't know me could be extremely offended by what I had said and probably "hate me forever" from that point and I might not even realise I'd "done goofed" because I just expected everyone to assume the best of me and make the effort to grok / reverse engineer what I'd said and draw positive conclusions from it.

This is something I forget on a forum like this. Occasionally I might imply something offensive and yet only mean it as a joke - even self-deprecatingly on myself - and people who don't know me wouldn't understand that.

I just "expect" everyone else to possess as much information as I do with which to process what I'm saying and this is an absurd and impossible expectation of anyone.

All I can ask of everyone is to stay rational and logical and ask questions of people who offend them before they emotionally react with hostility to words on the screen and to whoever put those words on the screen. If people just asked me why I'd said something they considered "bad" then I could de-construct everything I had said and explain why I might have mean't something "good".

Every time I write something I start seeing words come out between the words I've already wrote because I feel I need to de-construct everything I'm saying and explain how and why I'm saying it, but then the most simple conversations would...look like this...and it gets long, tedious and boring...and...people generally hate me for it.

I can do decently on my own, it's just I actually feel anxiety/uncomfortable doing things alone and prefer to do something with others.

I still function fine with the other person and don't need them to 'hold my hand' or anything - it is just their prescence that makes me feel comfortable.

And, yes, they occasionally can 'fill in the gaps' to help me out.

This is what I think helps me feel confident and secure in public - I have someone else to rely on, someone who can guide me. strength in numbers.

I don't even have to be with family but even just a friend.

If I'm alone it's so much worse. If I actually know someone I'll stick by them and talk to them and it looks a little better. If I'm alone I sort of wander around and don't start or join any conversations.

I am so bad at small talk that if I am going to have to go to something alone it used to be I just wouldn't go. I missed out on a lot in college because neither of my friends would go with me. Nowadays I will try to go to things alone and feel anxious and wander. But there are less things to go to since I don't know anyone.

At church the guy I like actually talked to me and asked if I went to x university and I told him yes, and then proceeded to explain that x university had gone by 5 different names over the years and listed them in order (because the history of the university interested me greatly). That's the sort of inappropriate awkward conversation I have if left to my own devices. He opted to say he had to go inside and ended the conversation. If he hadn't asked me anything though I just wouldn't have talked to him because I don't know how.

He missed out. If he had stuck around I could have told him when and why the names changed. this is why I will never get asked on a date.