Everything about me seems wrong

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I can't get it out of my head that everything about me seems out of sync.
My outside appearance doesn't seem to match my insides at all.
For example:

1) Outwardly, I look like a female but nothing inside me feels feminine.
I just feel like me.
I could wear a dress and makeup or whatever and I wouldn't feel any more female.
I'd just feel like me in a dress.

2) Outwardly, I'm getting older but inside I still feel like a gawky teenager.
I have no interest in the things people my age are interested in.
I'm immature and moody.
I seem to be stuck in a perpetual puberty.

3) Outwardly, I look strong and fit but I'm actually quite weak.
I'm often given heavy jobs because I look like I can handle it but it almost kills me.
Then people think I'm lazy and useless etc.
Seriously, I can't even open a jar without assistance.

Why am I like this?
Does anyone else feel similar?

Is it possible that those external attributes are things people have always *assigned* to you & you accepted them as true...but now you are realizing they aren't actually *you*?

There's nothing wrong with a woman not feeling "womanly" from the act of wearing a dress, and nothing wrong with feeling not-feminine or gender-neutral inside. Most of what you mentioned (like wearing a dress, etc.) are social communication from you to the outside world. The feeling of who and what you are come from within and influence your social gender appearance, by choice. It's like painting on a canvas to tell others how to see you. People often confuse *clothes* (or the act of wearing them) with *how people treat you based on those clothes*. But still, neither comes from within.

Being perpetually young inside likewise is not a negative. Unless other people have decided for you that you *should* feel a certain way inside - and you've accepted that as true. Celebrate feeling young inside, even if it means feeling like an awkward, gawky teenager. Some of the oldest, wisest, happiest people I've known embrace that aspect of themselves if they are lucky enough to retain it. And yes, I know you don't necessarily mean "I feel young and energetic!" or some such...

Same with physical strength. What matters is if you are willing to try, and willing help others. If you try and fail at something physical, but still try - that's okay. Eventually those around you learn what you are and are not capable of. More important they know you are willing to help (getting dangerously close to sounding like Yoda so I'll just stop typing now).

I seem to make people confused and upset by this inequality between how I look and how I act and end up more isolated as a result.

Have you thought about the posssibility you might be transgender or Agender or Gender neutral?
Wrong Planet has a LGBT forum where there are people knowlagable about people born these ways.
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewforum.php?f=36

If it's any consolation, I struggle at opening most twist off cap type things.

I definitely relate to #2. I am much younger than my chronological age. As far as my femininity, I feel differently at different times. I don't pay much attention to that unless I need to dress up to go to an event. Then if I am dressed in a skirt or a dress I feel really feminine. But other than that I don't really much much of anything about my gender.

As far as #3, I know exactly what you mean. I am the exact same way but emotionally. I am pretty strong physically, as my appearance would suggest, but emotionally I am extremely fragile.

If you are concerned that you might be losing your strength and that there might be something wrong with your muscles, I would have that looked at. But it that is regular for you than I would not worry about it.

And keep in mind, these things are not right or wrong or good or bad. They just are what they are. Don't put value judgements on them.

Gender roles/age expectations are mostly made-up rules that will change with time.
Clothes don't make me feel more feminine, they make other people perceive me as more feminine. For work it is beneficial for me to look professional. I wear a dress, but I'm still me.

Its not quite the same, but similar... I was thinking just the other day, that when I'm 50, I will probably still feel clueless. I think many people feel unprepared for their next stage in life/younger than they are.

I feel awkward in a dress.
Like I'm putting on a disguise or wearing a costume.

I know exactly what you mean. I used to feel the same way when I would occasionally wear a dress or skirt when I was younger. It's why I don't bother with them anymore, they're just not for me.

My chronological age is much more than my emotional age. Inside I feel like I'm stuck at 13 or 15, and get surprised when I realise I'm driving a car or hear my adult voice. Some days feel like I'm the main character in the movie Big or 13 Going on 30. I tried to explain this to my family on my birthday. My brother didn't quite understand what I meant and just said 'Well that's what happens when you have birthdays'.

Don't wear a dress then if you feel awkward! Many females never do, these days.

Embrace your inner teenager! There's nothing wrong with that and even if others don't expect it they should respect it. I refuse to give in to the things expected from my biological age category.

Actually women are seldom given heavy jobs because there's still a social perception that they are the "weaker" sex and although that's not true, not all females are strong. Neither are all males.

Gender expectations are a thing of the past. Just rejoice in who you are and in not fitting a particular stereotype.

I can sympathize with this, I often feel exactly this way.

I'm not into what so many others are into, and it baffles people. Everyone likes movies, for instance, but I dont. Everyone drinks (or at least it seems that way sometimes) but I never do. Everyone follows and knows about so many trends, but I just dont care.

My appearance, well, I'm male but I kinda look like a girl, or am a bit on the androgynous side I suppose. Even my body shape isnt quite right. People can get weird about this one.

Because I'm male, there's this constant assumption that I can lift heavy things, or whatever. I can barely carry a gallon of milk or whatever without wrecking my arm. Let alone lifting something that's genuinely HEAVY. I just cant do it. And yeah, there's always then that assumption of laziness that follows, bah.

Everyone else is up during the day.... I'm only ever awake during the night.

And like you I never quite feel or even act my age in alot of ways. It's like I never QUITE progressed past a later stage of childhood. Or something.... it's hard to explain. It can cause alot of problems.

And of course.... I dont socialize or talk much. But everyone else does. Needless to say, this is frustrating...


I'm thinking that plenty of others on this site probably feel pretty much this way as well, with their own list of things that seem "wrong".

But, I tend to think that it's not really wrong... just different. It's not like me disliking movies or whatever makes me into a bad person, even if everyone else doesnt understand it. And things such as that.

I guess what gets me down is the amount of negative attention/comments/judgement I receive because of this perceived wrongness.
I haven't really told the full story here, nor do I want to.
If I sound flippant it's because this really hurts.

sorry you have to go through this.

Different isn't wrong.

If the majority were right, why is the world like it is?

I grew up in an environment with *very* binary sex/gender assumptions and expectations. Even now, half a lifetime away, I'm still learning that much of the negative attention/comments/judgement I received whenever I pushed those boundaries were because I was a bad fit for that environment. There are so many other subcultures, geographic regions and people where *not* being binary is accepted and even celebrated - something I wish I'd known sooner. Is there any chance you could find the ones that fit you better?