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Torstin
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24 Dec 2015, 10:46 pm

I am not celebrating Christmas this year. I enjoy being around Christmas decorations/decorations to begin with and I enjoy my solitude. But, being that my family knows I am away for the holidays and alone, they called me, and I was half tempted not to answer. Also, I just woke up and I'm grumpy.

Anyways, it annoys me that while they are trying to think of me and be friendly, as a result of their action, I am only reminded that I am alone on a holiday. I see a holiday just as any other day, but if it weren't for the beliefs of too many people, then this holiday wouldn't exist (not that it actually does).

And, by this logic, I have to say that I would have felt a lot less left out because I would have just gone about my day as any other. So, in their attempt to include me, I was only reminded of what I am missing out on. So, I feel less included and more isolated. Anyone else feel that way ever? To me, it's similar to bringing up a person's death when someone is minding their business and not thinking of that person who died.Then, boom, you just reminded them of how much that sucks.



Spiderpig
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25 Dec 2015, 2:33 am

This is my most isolated Christmas ever and I only wish it could be yet more isolated.


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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


Torstin
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Joined: 15 Dec 2015
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25 Dec 2015, 3:11 am

Depending on the day I'd have to agree with you. Now that I have found something to do I'm rather glad that I'm alone tonight. But, being that I was bored earlier, I let my mind wander to that. I enjoy the nostalgia from being a kid. Christmas was the only time of year that I really got along with and saw most of my family, so I know I will miss that one day. Cheers



zkydz
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25 Dec 2015, 3:38 am

I have to tell you, this is the most annoying Christmas I've ever had that I can remember.

Here is something that happened to me between 9PM on the 23rd and going to bed at 9PM on the 24th:
My family drove to see my son and his family. My wife lost her crochet needle. She got ticked off about it and told me that we would go to Walmart the next day to get a replacement. I told her she was crazy. I was not going out on Christmas Eve to get anything unless it was an emergency. She was not crazy about that and copped an attitude. But, when we got home, I went out to my father's shop, got a wooden shish kabob skewer and made her a new one just to get by a day or two. Then she really copped an attitude and just turned her nose up and walked off.

So, I'm thinking, f*&k her. But, no, I always feel I must make things right. Even though it was her problem I go up the next morning, found a piece of brass rod and made a new one out of that. It was rough, but before I put time in polishing it and all, I wanted feedback. Since she was not being cooperative with me, I asked my dad to see what she thought of it.

Well, true to form, he comes back and just hijacks my attempt to make something for my wife. I told him to get the information and I would make the adjustments. So, that got taken away from me. And, quite frankly I don't want to bring it up with him because I don't want to hear him whine about how he was just being helpful.

Then tonight, I was asked why I was so tired. I've only been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. They know this. So, I was annoyed as to why I was even asked, but, when I reiterated the lack of sleep I got this sarcastic "Well, who's fault is that?" As if I was choosing to not sleep. I replied, "It's nobody's fault, it's just why I'm tired." I got this weird look. So, I go to bed at 9PM. Got up at 1AM to go to the bathroom, and my dumbass wife left every freakin' light on in the other room AND installed another damned nightlight in the room. By the time I got up, did my business and turned off all the lights, well.... So, it's now 3AM, wide awake and not really happy. Exhausted, but cannot sleep.

Between my Father losing control of his Aspie traits (And believe me, it's getting bad) and some other things, I'm really annoyed beyond belief. I'm actually thankful that I will only be here until Tuesday. So, now, I'm counting down the days. Four days and wake up until I go home.

It's been a lot of other niggly things that's been going on as well, but I'm actually looking forward to being home where I can barricade myself in my apartment and just not deal with people. My wife will be back at work and I just won't be around anyone for hours. The thing I'm missing here is my "Me time". I hate being in NYC, but, now I find I hate not having any time to myself even more.

So, now it's just annoyance time. And I'm really not happy. What was supposed be a nice ten days away from the city has turned into a lot of stress and loss of independence and solitude.


_________________
Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8


Torstin
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25 Dec 2015, 3:57 am

Oh man. I understand your frustration. I'd have a tough time with that too. I am the type of person to want closure and have things resolved as well.

Also, I understand your logic of not wanting to go out for something like that. It really is common sense not to around this time of year.

I get the hijacking of the project as well. I hate it when people do that. Absolutely despise that really. It pisses me off. I want to do things my way as well as learn from the experience the best I can without people butting in and ruining it for me. That's just ridiculous that they would say that about your problems with sleep. I get that way too and it's the worst.

I am amazed by their seemingly lack of concern/understanding of such things. I can't help you there, but you sound like you have so many good reasons to be stressed and po'd in my book. I completely agree with your reasoning right now. I hope the rest of your time will be less stressful there and good luck coping with that.



zkydz
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25 Dec 2015, 4:31 am

Torstin wrote:
Oh man. I understand your frustration. I'd have a tough time with that too. I am the type of person to want closure and have things resolved as well.

Also, I understand your logic of not wanting to go out for something like that. It really is common sense not to around this time of year.

I get the hijacking of the project as well. I hate it when people do that. Absolutely despise that really. It pisses me off. I want to do things my way as well as learn from the experience the best I can without people butting in and ruining it for me. That's just ridiculous that they would say that about your problems with sleep. I get that way too and it's the worst.

I am amazed by their seemingly lack of concern/understanding of such things. I can't help you there, but you sound like you have so many good reasons to be stressed and po'd in my book. I completely agree with your reasoning right now. I hope the rest of your time will be less stressful there and good luck coping with that.
Thanks :) It's not easy at the moment because nobody can grasp what I'm telling them. It's funny because my mom has depression and she get's really bent out of shape when someone treats her like she's just got a case of the 'blues'. But, she's the one at the moment who is having trouble getting this. Of course, my brother and father, well, they can't have something like this because "They're Manly men!!" Bastiches..... She was telling me yesterday about how my father has gotten to where he cannot stop and change course on anything. He must finish what he started. He cannot just stop and do something and then return to it. Long term projects (wood working, things like that) he can do because the processes are so modular. But, daily life, he can't. We've all had that (Me, Father, Brother) but, could control it to some degree, but he can't anymore. She was telling me "...and if you start to say something, he will interrupt you and is bound and determined to finish what he's saying." I tried to tell her that he is not 'determined', but rather can't control it. I also tried to explain his lack of conversational skills. He's great at dispensing information, but really can't converse. You can draw a straight line from my grandparents to my grandson and we all have this issue to one degree or another. Oddly enough, I'm the only one that shuts down. They just get more belligerent.

So, yeah, it's finally good to be in a place (here) that people can understand this thing that is going on inside me. And, thanks for the commiseration!!


_________________
Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.

RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8


Joe90
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25 Dec 2015, 5:44 am

I would hate to be isolated at Christmas. I'm working today (Christmas day) and I'm feeling quite depressed because I'm doing a job where I'm on my own, when all I want to do is socialize. I finish at 2.30pm and I have family round my house later so I'm looking forward to that. Plus excited about opening my presents when I get home. Although this year will be the first year in a long time that I won't be getting Simpsons box set thanks to Fox and Netflix.


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Spiderpig
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25 Dec 2015, 7:58 am

I'd happily trade places with you as far as having to work on Christmas Day is concerned. The very fact that my life is effectively run in a large part by people who wouldn't let me do it makes me want to do it all the more. Besides, it'd be a good excuse to avoid the standard socialization I normally have to do about this time of the year, which, to me, far from a pleasurable experience, is an obligation I dislike much more than having to work.


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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.