Are there alot of people with aspergers with low self esteem

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neptunekh
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29 Dec 2015, 8:38 pm

I have aspergers, and some other thing. I can't stand it when when people give me compliments. Does anyone else have this problem too?



nick007
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29 Dec 2015, 8:41 pm

I used to have lwo self-esteem but it gradually got better after I learned about Aspergers & leanred more about myself.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2015, 8:42 pm

Do you feel that people giving you compliments are insincere?

Yes, I would say there's quite a few people with Asperger's/autism who have rather low self-esteem.



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29 Dec 2015, 8:43 pm

I downplay compliments a lot, giving reasonings for why it's only natural that I'm good at thing X, because everyone would be if they put in the effort.
I often don't believe the compliements people give me because from my perspective they are either not true or trivial.



cathylynn
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29 Dec 2015, 8:48 pm

just say, "thank you," and change the subject. asperger's opens people up to a lot of negative feedback, which in turn can cause low self-esteem. you getting compliments is a good thing and might help turn the low self-esteem in the other direction if you don't sabotage it.



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29 Dec 2015, 9:19 pm

I have struggled with low self-esteem throughout my life. Most of the time I have a healthy self-esteem, but when I get upset I start thinking that I am worthless, pathetic, etc. When I feel like that, I say negative things about myself out loud.



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29 Dec 2015, 10:37 pm

Low self-esteem isn't just an aspie thing.

cathylynn wrote:
just say, "thank you," and change the subject.

Great advice. One more thing though: Believe it!
Also, don't try to downplay the compliment. In other words, if someone compliments you on something you're wearing, don't say "Oh, this old thing, it's nothing."
Like cathylynn said, thank them for the compliment, and maybe even pay them one back in return.


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probly.an.aspie
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29 Dec 2015, 10:51 pm

I struggle with this sometimes too. I think, in my younger years, it came from feeling so stupid at simple things even though i knew i was smart in others. Now it is better, since i know more about aspergers and why i have difficulties in some things.

I am going to add what i posted in another thread a little while ago because i think it applies here. Sorry about the aspie monologue but i am still under the influence of a good book...so sometimes i obsess about a story that impressed me.

I think it would help to define "low self esteem." I personally dislike the term self-esteem because i don't really esteem myself. But (on good days) I do feel that me myself am a worthwhile being and am here for a reason. (although i don't always know exactly what reason or reasons). I prefer the term self-worth because of that. We are all worthwhile beings.

I feel that i am worth something, but i also want to be a modest person. No one likes someone who is constantly blowing their own horn. And bragging may come back to bite a person if they cannot live up to their boasting.

I just finished a book called "Ed Nolt's New Holland Baler" (written by Allan Shirk) about Ed Nolt, the man who invented the New Holland Baler (hay baler) which revolutionized farming in the 1940's and put the New Holland machine company...and New Holland, PA, on the map. Nolt invented a hay baler that, first self-propelled by engines refurbished from old cars or trucks, then powered by the PTO (power take-off shaft) from a tractor, could be used by one man to do a job that had taken 3 or 4 men to do. It solved the problem of what to do with the straw (the stalks left after the grain was harvested) left in the fields by the new machine called the combine harvester which replaced the threshing machine. It eliminated the need for hand-stacking hay (grasses harvested for animal feed) onto a wagon, and then unloading it by hand into the barn or haystack.

Never heard of him? That's because he wanted to keep a low profile. He was a brilliant man of the brand of "blacksmith engineers"...old school engineers who did not have college educations or engineering degrees. He quit school at age 15 because he had a terribly difficult time keeping up with his studies. But he invented solutions to problems that had the college educated engineers stumped.

The story was told of a man who was having trouble with his baler and a car stopped. The man inside the car said, "I think i can help you with that; let me get my tools." The man did not give his name, but the baler was fixed in short order. The farmer later did not believe when he was told that the man who fixed it was none other than Ed Nolt.

In time, Nolt became a millionaire who told his wife, when she was debating over a negligible price difference in prospective new kitchen chairs, that, "it was ok, the red things going down the train tracks (the new balers being shipped out from the New Holland plant) would pay for her kitchen chairs." Even though money was no longer an issue--she could have had a whole new kitchen!--he did not allow wealth to change who he was.

(Also made me wonder if Ed was an aspie too. He would avoid social gatherings; he never took his own family to the New Holland company picnics because he didn't want to meet people. He often went off by himself if he were in a large group because he was afraid if he talked too much people would think he "sounded dumb." He was more comfortable speaking his native Pennsylvania Dutch than English, but it was more than a language barrier. The insecurity contrasted with his brilliant mind throughout the book.)

I want to be the kind of person, who, if i became a millionaire--would be the kind of millionaire who would stop to fix somebody's broken hay baler and not tell them who i was. Ok, i can't fix anybody's hay baler but i guess you get the idea. Sorry this got so long. I just finished the book today and am still impressed by the story.




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29 Dec 2015, 11:02 pm

I have always had problems accepting complements of any kind, as I had it drilled into my head from a very early age that complements lead to swelled heads, which people around me would quickly deflate.