Dealing with difficult people

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Hi. I haven't been diagnosed, just taken some tests, and have a strong feeling that I have Apergers.

However, I work as a security officer and the other day a coworker watched me handle a situation. Or, deal with rather. You see, I felt like this lady was picking a fight with me over my wording. It was nothing to even pick a fight over. And, she ended up getting in my face pretty much and telling me that I should watch my tone and argued about my wording when I requested information about an employee. It was semantics, nothing to do with anything between her and I.

So, this coworker who witnesses the incident has PTSD. And, I myself have been in the service, however, I haven't had any traumatic issues. I have been this way my whole life. But, he says it reminded him of himself and then he said he would have had to restrain me from hurting someone. (But, when I get angry the last thing I do is hurt anyone unless if it is warranted.)

Anyways, I remember her picking a verbal fight with me saying that I was in the wrong, and that I should watch my tone, etc, etc. And, I became infuriated. Instead of losing it. (I really wanted to) I zoned the f out. I would not look at her. My head started getting warm and full of pressure and I got a bit of a headache. I was at the computer and I just couldn't concentrate on what I was doing with all the anger that I felt. She continued trying to correct me. I was able to respond to her somehow and I ended up saying ma'am if you have a problem with me please see my supervisor and at the end of the conversation I told her that I would try to change my wording to better suit her. She was still pissed off for some reason.

Now, I'm the security officer, and she is an upper level employee of the place that hires us to secure her building. I did not feel like she should be trying to tell me how to do security or correct my choice of wording.


If I had blown the lid I would be out of a job. I would never hurt anyone, but I may have damaged something, and she would have heard everything I wanted to say for sure. I basically felt incapacitated, unable to focus, immense pressure in my head, a warm feeling and visually blind essentially. (The visual thing is really hard for me to explain. Maybe more like I was not able to process anything visually.)

Can someone please communicate to me how you would feel in a similar situation in which you are not able to leave the situation. Do you think this is something you can relate to?

Last edited by Torstin on 19 Dec 2015, 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

...What service were you in ???

Army, why do you ask?

I think you handled the situation, for the most part, correctly. I commend you for keeping calm.

If you would have blown up at her--yes, you would have lost your job.

What was it that she was trying to "correct?" What "wording" didn't she like?

Well, my logic is a bit different than most, so I asked for information regarding an employee. I asked for their supervisor's name. It is a part of employment verification for employees. I had to verify her employment. Now, instead of her giving me the information I requested, being a trusted member of the security staff, she insisted that I say 'employment verification' instead of asking for the required information for employment verification.

She corrected me where I did not feel that I needed a correction as she did not allow me to work within my domain confidently, but instead tried to impose her control and power over me. That is how I felt. And, even worse when she began to berate me. She simply is not used to someone being competent enough to know what information they seek without using her choice of words and dumbing down the process for her.

If it were anyone a lower position of power than her at her company I sense that they would not have made it an issue. My coworkers who are also security told me that while they usually ask for it in her words that is not anything in the book we have to go by, so I should just do it from now on to avoid problems.

Last edited by Torstin on 18 Dec 2015, 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yep....a pretty classic case of power-tripping.

How often do you have to deal with this person?

...Curious .
I may be counting sown to being thrown off this board , so...........

This was the first time I met her. But, usually she is out of work before my shift begins. I have had numerous issues at my work and it's making it quite difficult for me to do my job. In fact, it's unrelated, but I feel like they want me to the opposite of my job half of the time because all they do is make exceptions to the rules.

For instance, this lady who is not officially an upper level manager has to be screened. But, the other day she did not listen to me and jumped my authority over security matters because she knew that her boss is the one who makes the rules. But, he didn't notify us (nothing official or by word of mouth) that she did not need to be screened to enter the building. It is infuriating because I look like a jack a when I'm just doing my job. I will be leaving this place soon enough, so I am happy about that.

But, here's a question that I truly want an answer to. What I experienced biologically, when having the discipline to contain anger to your limits, does that seem familiar to you? I am interested because I am unable to get a diagnosis at this time. And, I suppose it does not matter right now, all in all, but I want to know.

Last edited by Torstin on 18 Dec 2015, 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds worse than the Soup Nazi.
And I've met the Soup Nazi
at a comic con ...

haha, classic.

Yes, I do get similar feelings to you.

I do "shut down" when somebody is berating me. It's so I don't lose temper.

I had a bad temper as a youngster.

That's exactly it. Well, I'm glad someone understands that. I was scolded by my team leader because he says the most disrespectful thing you can do is what I did. lol

When I was in school as a child I would be suspended about every other week. It would always have to do with bad communication (taking things wrong/standing up to kids) or my disrupting the class. I was almost always done with work before everyone else, so I tried to have fun in what I thought were harmless ways.

But, when I would lose it, it was the classic temper tantrum complete with tears up until adulthood. Now I get emotional when I think of very touching thoughts for some reason. I kinda hate it, but it kinda makes me seem sensitive and open. So, meh.

Why?

When I get angry, I get an adrenaline rush. It is not a wanted thing! It can come on suddenly even before I am fully consciously aware of my feelings. It causes me to get very hot and breathe faster. I also "freeze."

This happens to me whenever I have strong feelings. Sometimes, when I get very anxious or nervous, the adrenaline is so bad that I feel like I am going to faint. I also get this when I feel embarrassed. Disappointment or thinking a negative/sad thought can bring tears in an instant, so sometimes fighting those off (in anger at myself for being so emotional) can bring on the adrenaline rush.

Yes, you put it into better words. That makes a lot more sense; adrenaline. What you are describing sounds like a panic attack to me, at least at the very highest point.

Disappointment/sad thoughts coupled with tears and (if I'm speaking with someone) choked up speech is what I also experience. This happens even when I'm doing something nice for someone and I feel good about it. It is very hard for me to speak to someone in that state.

I think you did great. I would have ended up seriously headbanging, possibly injuring myself and getting myself fired.