Acceptance by people... it feels surreal sometimes.

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My whole life, I've never felt like I belonged anywhere, so I tried to hide. I've had a decent part time job for 4 years, and over time, I began to feel accepted by people for the first time. Sometimes, we might go out for drinks when people are leaving, and I even went to a Halloween party this year. It feels like a dream that people like me for who I am.

Last month, I felt the need to vent to Patricia, the secretary at work, after I felt uncomfortable going out for drinks with people from work the night before. After work, I was the only one there because I was going to the Celtics game later, so we kept talking. I just talked about how I have autism and how body language and social situations confuse me. She responded with the different ways I have grown since I started working there and how I never would have done something like this a few years ago. I went on to talk about how a couple of interns made me feel like I was accepted and I don’t have to hide. I was finally able to say to someone that it made me really sad that I could never tell them how much they meant to me. The response was really sweet. “Don’t you think they knew that? It’s a very human thing to feel like that.” That made me feel like my feelings were okay when I was feeling like something was weird or wrong about it. I felt some kind of love and acceptance after that talk, so I got her a small Dunkin Donuts card the next Monday.

I've been bothered by autism hate lately to the point where I actually want to talk to people about this. I've talked to a few people at work and the response has been "I've suspected it, I've noticed some of the signs. That's okay though, we like you for who you are and because you do a good job." I'm starting to feel like I don't have to hide anymore. Thinking about how I feel accepted by people now makes me want to cry. Anyone else feel this way?

It sounds like you work at a nice place, with nice people.

Don't knock it!

I know, it's just that I'm worried about moving on will look like. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get in to a journalism grad program because it sounds like something that will force me to get out there and talk to people. The idea of having to go back over what I learned at my current job about socializing with people in a new environment in my head is frustrating when that's something that comes naturally to most people.

Yep....Journalism definitely forces people to talk to people they don't want to talk to.....and to ask questions they don't want to ask.

What made you get into journalism, anyway? It's just so antithetical to the autistic mindset. I probably couldn't handle it.

Please don't think I'm judging at all.

I know you're not judging me! I work at a government access station that follows around Boston's mayor to public events. Somewhere along the way, I became interested in TV and working for a real news channel. Maybe I won't be a writer or asking the questions but I could be an editor. I'm decent enough at editing videos, why not words?

I thought about it a lot because I need to force myself to do things I'm scared of doing. What's a more efficient way of forcing myself to talk to new people than taking classes where that is literally my homework?

I agree: Frequently, the best thing an autistic person could do is get out of his/her "comfort zone." Especially if you have a nice safety net (e.g., savings, parents).

Autistic people need dynamism to get out of the ruts which inevitably are created when one stays stuck in complacency.

The reason why I know: I'm a poster-child for complacency. I could have probably done great things had I gotten out of my own "comfort zone."

Yeah I've had that feeling few times in my life.
Actually on WP I feel kinda accepted for who I am. Although it's not the same as with a real person, because you guys can't see my face or hear my voice, etc...

It's a nice feeling, but also extremely risky.
All kinds of dysfunctional predators LOVE to pounce on people who are starved for acceptance, love, attention, etc. and destroy lives in the process.

See the recent threads on "Mate Crime" or check out the Wikipedia article!
That would be one of many examples where the need for acceptance can have devastating outcomes.

But

yeah, I can relate to that.

This right here is the mentality I have held to in order to get past anything in my life. I have a lot of anxiety, but I force myself to do things anyway. It is HARD, but worth it. The timidness is like an invisible wall that I have to bust through over and over again. I ask myself repeatedly, "How much do I want this?" If I want it bad enough, I will TRY, TRY, TRY to get through that wall. I have a lot of talent and intelligence, but it would mean nothing if I couldn't get through that wall.

I know some people have walls so thick they are impossible to get through. I also know that some people have no wall or a thinner wall than I do. But I think a lot of people who see my accomplishments do not recognize that I have had to bust through a lot of invisible obstacles in order to do what I have done.

When I was 17, I couldn't even talk to a waitress at a restaurant and order my own food or ask for a glass of water. I've come a long, long way since then, but even at almost 40 I feel like my confidence level is equal to an average 25 yr old.

I applaud your attitude!

If I had the confidence of a 25-year-old, I'd count myself pretty successful.

I guess you come across as more confident than you are.

My guess that is true of most of us here. My mom is always telling me how much confidence I have, and inside I'm thinking "WHAT are you talking about?" Confidence because I'm always doing things I'm afraid of because if I gave into fear, I'd do nothing? That's not confidence, that's just sheer will power.

What is the confidence of a 25 yr old, anyway? I am just guessing...
I never went through the adolescent phase of feeling invincible, so I don't know at what age that typically ends.

Generally, 25-year-olds believe that "the world is their oyster." They have emerged from the early 20's adolescence which is part and parcel of Western society these days.

Well, I guess I don't have that. Never did.

Yeah, I never went through an "invincibility" phase either. I can't comprehend why so many adolescents think like that despite the constant warnings about that exact thing and the consequences from disobeying them that you see on the news. Like, is it really that hard to put on your damn seat belt?

Sorry, I went off-topic there. kraftie, I'm going into journalism as well, but since I plan to be an editor of books, I'm not too worried about having to deal with people I don't want to (although I work for the newspaper at my college right now). Wait, this is still off-topic.

There have been a few times I've felt accepted and part of a group, none more than in high school, which was the best time of my life. I had a group of fellow outcast friends, and they understood me like nobody else ever had before. I'm quite sure at least one of them is on the spectrum as well. Most other places, I'm treated well enough, but I always get a sense of not quite fitting in. So the complete and total acceptance is few and far between.

I have pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone a number of times in life, and you know what? Eventually I just ended up with adult burnout, the worst of it lasting several years.

I kind of hate to see anyone go to graduate school and especially in something with limited income potential like journalism. Oh sure, step on somebody's dreams why don't you.

It's just that I've always had a problem selecting the right level of challenge and I'm sure a lot of other aspies do, too.

But Joebos, good for you growing to the point where you feel acceptance and want to talk about it. Congratulations.

I can see how this can happen. I agree that it is hard to know what is the right amount of challenge. There are things I am doing NOW that I "chickened-out" on when I was younger. I had to grow up some more first (mainly in confidence, not in actual ability.)

I have also reduced the stress in other parts of my life in order to be able to handle the things I really want. Now, I mostly only do what I really love, which gives me enjoyment and enough boost to get through the stressful parts. I am not saying that everyone has that opportunity, but life has worked out in such a way for me that I can, and I'm grateful.

I've had to take a serious look at many things and "adult expectations" others have had of me (like a much cleaner house and a full-time job) and say that, for me, those things are not very important. Some things are just not worth the effort, just like some things are not worth the money.

I have also given up any idea of trying to be someone I am not. I went through that a little bit when I was younger (college and following), but about 10 years ago I decided that I couldn't be who everyone wanted me to be.

Am I accepted? Yes, and no. Yes, because my family loves me. Yes, because I can socialize with many people when I see them in small doses. No, because I still have extremely few close friends. Yes, because people see what I am good at and give me an opportunity to work. No, because I still don't fit into any boxes/expectations people have for me. Some can put up with me not fitting in the box. Others can't deal with it.

Nerdygirl: like all of us, like me, in some ways, you have maturity beyond in years; in other ways, maybe somewhat below your age.

Your kids seem to be turning out okay--and you have kept your head above water--so I don't think your "maturity level" is any less than most people in this world.