Getting a handicapped card .

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I got (not an actual " card " physically speaking) a written thing from a doctor to " indicate " my handicapped-ness , my bad feet and difficulty with walking , etc. A main reason was to get , at a " free food " here , to not have to eat in the main dining room but a side " handicapped/seniors/families " one , which does not force you to climb a staircase to get out of it .........I felt unhappy , like maybe I " shouldn't " ask for this , and I felt a bit down after doing it...Like it's the gate opening to the wagon rolling down the hill to death .
I think of saying to God , " If I can get cured , I'll drop this handicapped classification " but what would that be ? And , I AM in danger of perpetual CRIPPLEDNESS ! !! !! !! !!

...My worse of my two feet is tending to look like ground chuck , at least in the former toe's corner , when I get back up the hill to the shelter after a day of much hill-walking ~ That's at least a contributingfactor for me considering leaving the shelter soon , though it is starting to rain now (It did last overnight) .

I think you should stay in the shelter until you find another place to live. Sleeping out in the streets doesn't suit you. And it's not that great for your toes, either.

..." Day of much hill-walking " , tho . I cough a lot , maybe it's me (the foot wounds/my spot (Including the storage drawer below my bunk that I can't access ~ I tried , I don't qualify in this arcane " because you're here under THIS basis rather than THAT classification ~ As of now , yeah .
I don't even have a smartphone/tablet/laptop and , if not the majority , many of the (males that I see , anyway) my fellow " bohemians/leisure livers " DO have them ! !! !! !! !!

...I got something of a handicapped card at one of the free feeds I depend on for much of my food to-day .
I can get waited on .
Whoope-doo .
Now it feels like (and I am getting myself back into being depressed , right before my ability to be on the Internet goes bye-bye for the holidays) a turn from which you can never return , the last trip down ~ I never had a life , it never took off , now it is recahing its end without it ever having begun in the first place -There, I was crying .
I have never traveled , never really went to school , never even got " that faanzine/that indie comic/that band (just some obscure singles) " out - Nothing .
My life was destroyed . It never came to anything .
There , I was crying some more .
I've certainly reeived little direct help , asking from here ! (For those who've suggested addresses ~ Frankly , my (now- ) semi-crippledness/difficulty in getting around + lack of a phone + shyness + having to work with curfews now makes following those things , when all alone- -harder than it may seem , from a distance
.
My life , mybe , never quite happened .
There was something that happened to me when I was sixteen , and I ave thought at times that I should have died then .

Don't think like that. You're not useless. I don't believe you're useless. I really don't.

You're just a trip and a half.

Do you have any people you hang out with at the shelter?

If I met you in person, we could talk about 60s/70s songs, and what life was like then.

I really get sad everytime I read your threads because I know how easily it could just as well be me in your shoes if I did not have a family to take care of me. You really sound like you are struggling and have one hell of a difficult life. I would like to help you, but I don't know how. If you ever want someone to talk to on the phone, like if you can accept incoming calls I'd be happy to have someone to talk to if you ever want to chat and need to pass the time that you are at the shelter.

First, don't feel bad about that handicapped card, or whatever it is. I have disabling conditions and I take all the help I can get.

Second, what is wrong with your feet? Are you diabetic?

I don't think you're useless either. I also think you should stay in the shelter where it's safe.

...Briefly , right now , Wed. , I am back at a keyb'd after being away for a week , as I was hospitalized .
For at least two , because the amount of stolen/lost-used out stuff reached the $200 level , and because I felt my toe wound wasn't getting enough (really , any...) attention (w/the shelter's nurse off all the long Thanksgiving " weekend ") , I went to a hospital , and was ospitalized , getting much antibiotics , and my wounds touche4d up .
RIGHT THIS MOMENT , I look ok/better than I was , however , I am fully HL (I left the shelter to go to the hospital) ~ I will be HL to-night) , I have no cash money (though I will get my first week's SSDI too-morrow)) , and I have only , again , one full set of clothes , what I am wearing ~ and they are " not quite enough " (especially against the cold ? Nippy , anyway .) , as it was the loss of my " better " set of of clothes Wed.-Thurs. of last week that moved my money-lost total up at $200 , I have only not-really-enough clothes now , I still , with my heavy backpack on , walk super slow and like " an overloaded wind-up toy soldier , winding down " , have had my arms stuck up over & over again for more IVs (as I am always told by medicos that veins are hard to find on ne/I don't have very good veins , and the amount of times I go to the hospital and get IV'd up furthermore means , I guess , that veins become not so good anymore ) ~ my right hand , especially , really aches/is stiff ! ...More to come .
I am out of the shelter , I left it last Friday , I did , actually , thing I'd maybe stay at the hospital longer , in fact , I was worrying whether it might turn out to be too long , but they abruptly discharged me this day , I thought I'd bee in through Wednesday , with opinions/claims of my poor medical state that I will go into - - At this point , again , they are rather trying to push more " good for me "/" correct " medical stuff than being homeless REALLY ALLOWS YOU to have ! ~ Not seeming to realize.........Getting back to a 'puter is a energizer (Plus , for non-gloom & doom but doing something not really good for me , after I left I walked down Hyde Street to a Tenderloin grocery store where i treated myself w/a nutritios , energizing , 2 20 oz. bottles of soda , Coke and Hawaaiian Punch , a Little Debbie Swiss rool , and some heated chicken wings combo ~ Especially considering that the hospital wants me to use insulin/needles for diabetes meds , saying that my kidneys are all f****d up now by one of the two common diabtes oral pills , but...Well , it was a ritual .

Why don't you go to the shelter where you were last. I don't see how they could "disqualify" you because you were in the hospital. Bring proof.

...I just X-Panded my first new post , KK.........

...I do , and did , think that my not showing up last Friday evening did , when it turned into a night ~ certainly six ! ~ nights away , my bed got canceled .
I did consiously go , try to get some remnant of toe care which I in fact did get and get away from spending money , and a situation of only one not-quite-good-enough (as i saw when i put them back on today ) set of clothes , at least for a few days .
Howevs , again , as far as condition goes , l'hopital was saying I should start using IV insulin for diabetes , that my kidneys are bad enough that 1 of the 2 standard diabetes pills will f**k up my kidneys/won't work ~ If I do , it will be later , I do have a prescription for the " other " standard disbetes pill ~ And , again , they want me to " take care of myself " while in a HOMELESS ! situation , which I can hardly do .
I was 1/2 thing " maybe a borad-and-care/similar situation will come up , and , with some stuff , it could be tolerable " , but



te="kraftiekortie"]Why don't you go to the shelter where you were last. I don't see how they could "disqualify" you because you were in the hospital. Bring proof.[/quote]

...For brief exposition/" in our last installment " , Bea (Love your name ! !! !! !! !! !!) , yes , I am diabetic , and I have many many years of bad feet brought along by it , and I am down - while homeless - to 7&1/2 toes now , having had bjoth by big toes finally , briefly , join the 1/2 of my middle left earlier this year (That is , the two bigs were cut off earlier this year .)
On a perhaps much too light point , let me mention that I really only see TV when in the hospital (and it's the perhaps-peculiar TV channels that hospitals tend to have) ~ I was kind of thinking this time that , even if it meant being there a long while just to see a T&V show , that maybe I'd see that new version of " The Wiz " that NBC in America is showing tomorrow . Obviously I won't now .
Okay , " say something light " ? ~ Um , maybe find some " old show tune queen " bar in the Castro that will show it ?
Yeah , I'm sure that , if such a place exists , they'd let me hang around , with a big backpack , for hours ...

...Okay , I let too much time go by and I don't want to get caught up in repeating myself here ...I really did , sort of , think , this last day at the hospital day here in SF , " Well , maybe it could turn into an ' extended place ' somewhere , to let my foot heal , and I guess I could ' be mature ' and endure it , basically , if I could just have an Internet connection/some more stuff that just one set of ' not really even good ' clothes /etc. " - But then l'hopital announced I was being discharged today , as I was sort of trying to drift off to mid-day sleep (and as a result , I am again a bit low on sleep , this early in the evening but too early to homeless-sleep my way) - R^eally , my connection to the shelter came through the H.O.T. team doing it for me , going to one particular program ~ and they are hard to contact with " privacy rules meaning e can't give you and E-mail address to write to " and me not having a phone ~ And , yes , my bad foot/difficulty getting around !
Again , I am fairly clean-ish right now , but I will have to leave the library in a few minutes , though it was kinda nicely winter-nippy as I walked (with my " toy soldier " plodding " ) downhill it will get cold...Remember , in the shelter I had a bed , but I was getting no/next-to no attention being paid to the foot wound (and the INTERNAL manifestation of my denied-rehab semi-crippled=ness , and to do things I had to walk umpteen streets daily...