Rant - assertiveness / standing up for yourself

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I don't know if this is an autistic thing but I have troubles recognising when someone is behaving in an unacceptable way toward me. As I've stated elsewhere, I'm usually very calm, being able to see the reason for actions or circumstances that are inconveniencing me, whether or not I like it.
In the past, I have actually had to have others inform, and then convince, me that actions made against me were actually abusive. It just doesn't compute. It's not that I am afraid, even though I dislike aggression because I find the emotionality of it distasteful, or even that it's a self esteem issue because I don't really understand that either.
Maybe it's just that the cues don't get through, which would immediately trigger anger in a neurotypical person.
Anyway, something got through to me today and here is my rant - you have been warned -
I'm currently looking to get back into the workforce after a long illness, which was basically corrected by major surgery in late 2015. Thus, I have been connected with a job services agency.
Talking with the consultant recently, he outright told me that my problems finding work were not that I am recovering from a serious illness and subsequent two major surgeries in one year, that had me in chronic pain and on disabilities for almost three years previously, it's not that my skills are redundant and I need to retrain, it's not that I am a recovering alcoholic, it's not that I am part of a sexuality and gender minority, it is not because I have been, and probably shortly will be again, a homeless person, it is not because I have trauma to deal with, or that I am autistic, or that I have lived below the poverty line my whole life. My problem, according to this guy, was that because I was born in a first world country and my skin is white, that I expect everything to be easy and life to go all my way, and I expect everything to be "served up on a platter," and my difficulties were obviously because I was not making enough effort.
See, this first part didn't even occur to me to be offensive until hours later when I thought about it and thought "wait a sec."
I wasn't going to do anything about this save make a comment to his boss about how he shouldn't make snap judgements about people from their accents and the colour of their skin, because honestly he knows jackshit about me. So what, it's one ignorant remark from one arrogant peabrain with an inferiority /victim complex. It's a small issue on its own, I can easily let that slide.
But then I find out he also sent a report to social services to declare that I had not met the terms of the employment agreement, even though I had told him in the appointment that I had forgotten they were changing over to a new system, and I would rectify the problem. He never told me to my face that he was sending off a report, so I could address it promptly. So I get to social services and they have cut me off. It's Friday. I was expecting that money to be there, and thus, since I run with no room for error with finances (poverty, people) I had not had any money to get my medication scripts filled the day before. I explained to to social services - it was a misunderstanding, I thought I had cleared this up with the employment office, I need the money through to cover my medications and if it doesn't go through today, it won't until Monday and I will have been five days without my medications.
Before I am even allowed to finish speaking, the woman at the counter interrupts me and snaps "what is your reference number."
Ugggh. Well, how about I tell you my NAME, that I had to go through more sh!t then they will ever know to earn, and you can look that up in your computer. That is what I should have said, but I was off balance, so just have her the card with the number on it. She says I have to call another department, and puts me on a phone holding line. For an hour. I finally get onto someone and again start to explain the employment office mixup, and he too cuts me off and asks for the number. He then puts me on hold for another 10 minutes. He comes back, and tells me there is nothing they can do. I explain again it was a mixup, and that I need the money through for medications. He doesn't care. I then ask if I can change the day of the week I have to deal with this from Thursday to Wednesday, as then at least if there are any more problems I have time to deal with this sh!t before the weekend means I can't do anything. He then says "if you continue swearing I will terminate this call and report you. This is your first warning." It's lucky for both of us that I was too shocked to introduce him to what swearing actually is.
So, in the end we get nowhere, and I am going to end up five days without my medications.
Ordinarily, I would have been annoyed sure, but I wouldn't have given it much thought.
But it is part of a pattern here, with every facet of life. I am constantly getting humiliating, disrespectful, unempowering, inconsiderate, threatening, intrusive, devaluing, dehumanising, rude, ignorant, xenophobic, judgemental crap from everyone. It's the systemisation that sees us all as numbers, rather than names. Pieces of information, not people.
I may have empathy issues ok, but in the rant I wrote to the consultant's boss, I would never behave in such a way or make those comments to him, and I fail to see why people think they can treat society's most vulnerable people (which unfortunately at the moment includes me, due to said circumstances) and think they can get away with it. It doesn't take any extra effort to refrain from treating another person like a piece of sh!t.
This so so not working so completely for me in every sense that I am an inch from disappearing again, away from the human world.
How does everyone else go at assertiveness and standing up for yourself? How would you ensure you are treated respectfully in these sorts of situations?

I'm sorry this happened to you. Stuff like this makes me mad too. I hate dealing with bureaucracy. Unfortunately, being irrate backfires for me. I deal with things by being polite but persistent. I keep at it until I get my goal accomplished. I vent to safe people but try not to let the as*holes I'm dealing with see that I am angry. I do this because as soon as I raise my voice, the other person get defensive and shuts down. People tend to listen to me more when I appear calm and rational.

If you're going to abuse someone, you don't knowingly pick a target who can defend themself. And "lack of empathy" is a convenient label to invalidate us. Those who use it as a weapon against us don't need to give a s**t about what it means, let alone whether it's true.

I grew up on welfare, so I'm no stranger to that stuff, but the current system works completely different. I used to volunteer teach refugees so I know a little bit. Once I took once of them to get a bus pass or check or something like that so I was in the social services center with her. She didn't speak English so I have no idea how she regularly picked up any of that stuff.

The social service workers have essentially the same training I did for my sociology undergrad degree, so you would think they would be kind. No. They were behind bulletproof glass and looked at everyone like they were subhuman. She talked to ME like I was a human being, I guess because she thought I was someone important. But like, whats the difference? People are people.

With this current system they can cut you off at any time, and it's harder than ever to get back on your feet. I don't know what to tell you. Can you get in some kind of 2 year school program that would get you into a job?

I was told by the employment office that I am already "over qualified," and they even managed to make that sound like my fault. But that was a different life, as I detailed to their health/psychology assessor, who was shocked.
But yes, I've processed it and it is clear that students are not treated with the same dehumanising and disrespect as unemployed, for some reason unknown to me. No persecution by the social services, no employment office, no threats, no BS. Plus I need something to put my mind to (read - obsess about) or it turns inward and starts obsessing about me. I have been to university before, several years ago now, but got to the - trainee stage, shall we say - of an advanced associate degree and found I hated the actual job. I've reapplied for this year in another field with a different university, but as said, conditions are very different for me now so no guarantees how that'll go. But yes - studying is definitely a better alternative to unemployment - especially since their services have never gained me any work, and I can just continue to look for jobs / apply myself, without the pressure.
The experience did teach me one useful thing though, and that is that I cannot fit into the human world on its terms. Surrounding circumstances had pushed my stress levels beyond tolerance, and I just hadn't noticed in an alexithymic sense. This encounter with the social services was my cracking point, where I realised I actually felt something strong enough to be perceived, having been built up over the last five months living in the city, and I find feeling anything at all too overwhelming. I'll likely be tidying up some affairs in the city and then returning to the wild. People will tell me being homeless and living like a sophisticated animal, but an animal nonetheless, in the wilderness is bad for me, but I obviously cannot take this over exposure to the human world. Feeling the level of emotion strong enough to be thus perceived is my version of meltdown, when things have just gone too far. Too many demands, too much constant pressure, too much powerplay and exposure to social hierarchy and its controls.
I'm checking out.

If that's what you want to do, no one can change your mind. But I would recommend getting emergency antidepressants and starting school and work in a new field. Maybe something helping the disadvantaged. Sometimes when you're in a low place, helping other people can make you feel better.

I have had many similar experiences in which it has taken me Much too long to Mentally Process the Response to an "Inappropriate Statement or Question" from an NT.

I once had a "Christian Counselor" Tell me to my face in a session "Go Live in the Forest by YOURSELF".
At the Moment, I just Blanked.
Not until weeks later did I come to the conclusion I should have Spit in his face and walked out, considering the people who sent me to him told him I was likely Suicidal.

Hah, is it then a bad thing that this was exactly my solution? Literally? That's what I meant by returning to the wild to live like a sophisticated animal. I can't stand the over exposure to their world, with the social demands and the noise. I would still be close to city areas enough to come into the human world and use the parts of it I need to use, but I would effectively be removing its imposition on me. I can thus limit the exposure, and withdraw to peace and quiet and solitude without another soul for miles, while still being close enough to venture in when I choose.
I would also be reducing the amount of blackmail, powerplay and control people put on me, holding out the proverbial carrot and threatening to take it away if I am not subservient and acknowledge their illusory social status position. I can tell them where to shove it, essentially. It takes back some control for myself, when I know I can survive perfectly ably without compliance with control.

I used to believe the same way, and worked in community care with disabled, elderly and people with acquired traumatic brain injuries. I found a similar attitude even from my patients, who treated me and the other staff like substandard slaves, to be abused as such, there to cater to their every petty desire. I know antidepressants help some people, but the only variety I assume would be of assistance to me would be lithium based, to stop me from feeling at all. Needless to say, if you assert this to a psychologist they recommend a lot of therapy, because they don't understand. They assume you are just NT with an emotional problem, rather than an alexithymic autistic who can't in fact process emotions.
I know it apparently sounds extreme as others have told me, but it seems sensible to me, working to improve my own comfort levels. The counsellor will no doubt tell me this is "crisis," but to me it seems systematic enough to be simply a process of weighing my options and my capabilities, and improving the situation as much as I can.

Normally I am good at standing up for myself if I'm dealing with a business, like a retailer or insurance company or bank. It's just a matter of knowing what their policies are and arguing until they do what's right. But there is something about dealing with government agencies that is really different. They don't have to worry about their reputation or legal repercussions like a business. They act as if they are beyond reproach. And government employees are just there to do what they are told and I think most really couldn't care less if they do the right thing or not. Complaining to the person's boss probably won't do much good, you would have to take it above their department.

The best thing to do is avoid giving them any reason, however ridiculous it might be, to say you did anything wrong. I mean if someone at a business was pushing me around like that, I'd cuss them out and argue like a lawyer. But the same rules do not apply at a government agency. They can flag you in their system or have you thrown out by security or who knows what.

One thing you could try is to take a pen and a notepad and take notes on what they say. If they question it say something like you just want to be sure you follow all their instructions and remember everything you have to do. Then whatever they say to you, make a note of it. This will make some people think twice before they say anything nasty.

They probably don't see you as a number, so much as a demographic. There is a lot of bias against white people seeking government services. If they think you're not "deserving" enough they can say really rude things.

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this, sounds like a real b!tch to deal with. I hope it all gets sorted out.