Reconnecting with people after a long time

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So I've been thinking about reaching out to relatives and old friends I haven't talked to in years, now that I know the cause of some of my social awkwardness is.

I've lost some friends over the years, and when I look back at how it happened, I realized a good deal of it was because I misunderstood them or they misunderstood me, we had a big fight over it, and never talked again. I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to them or what to say to start things off -- "I'm sorry I was a jerk (or got offended by you). Can we start again?" I'm not sure how to do this--opening conversations are really hard for me. Is it better with a phone call or letter? How do I tell which friendships are worth reviving, and which were just using me?

As for the relatives, we had little contact with my Dad's side of the family since I was little. My Dad and Uncle had some big fight in which my Dad was offended by my Uncle saying Dad was too hard on my older brothers. My Dad almost entirely cut off contact with Uncle. I remember their eldest daughter, who I'll call "Joan," being called "different" when I was little. I remember Joan didn't talk much but liked to play with her Ouija board all the time, as though she was using it to talk. When I got my diagnosis, I asked Mom if she knew if Joan was autistic. Mom called up Uncle's widow, who confirmed that Joan had classic autism, that Joan's brother had a moderately autistic son, and that Dad's sister had an autistic grandson as well. They were all pretty sure that Dad and Grandpa were autistic as well (or had Asperger's, as they called it).

I'd like to reconnect with these people but I feel kind of self-serving about it. "Sorry I haven't talked to you since Dad's funeral, I have autism! Surprise!" I was always a bit scared of my Uncle because he was kind of loud, but really was probably ok. I'd like to know my cousins and Aunt better, but don't know what to say. I'm really not very good at reaching out to people. I didn't even send a card when my Uncle and Dad's sister died--I didn't know what to say. Now I really feel like a jerk.

Just be yourself. It is always still possible to reconnect after years and I'm sure you'll be accepted and understood so don't overthink it too much. Don't have to apologize; just say something along the lines of "wow, I saw your profile online and realized it's been years since we had a chat - life's so busy."

Call up some friends and invite them for a cup of coffee maybe, or connect on Facebook and see how it goes from there: it's not always easy at first to know the difference between the genuine ones and those who are using you. Their actions (or lack thereof) will usually speak louder than words.

You can always reconnect with your family members anytime without feeling llike a jerk. I've reconnected with my various cousins since my beloved aunt's funeral in August and spoke to relatives I hadn't seen in years. They are usually so pleased that they don't bother to recall any alleged past incidents where I was the one behaving like a jerk. So at least I can keep in email or phone contact with them: two cousins live in a nearby town but I don't have my own transport,while another lives a few hundred km away and another in Australia.

Once again, just be friendly and natural and you don't need to mention the autism thing straight off the bat in the first sentence. During a conversation after my aunt's death I spoke about it to my cousin from Australia and she didn't seem surprised as she knows folk on the spectrum.

You'll be OK!

I remember going to school with an aspie when I was in Grade 8. We didn't see each other again until our first day of college. We ran up to each other and gave each other a hug. I felt a rush of energy charging through my veins.

I dunno, it would be more natural to reconnect with my cousins, with whom I was never very close, than with my sister from whom I have been long estranged.

I wouldn't expect too much.

My family is very fractured, those that don't have autism have some kind of personality disorder or addiction. They don't make a very promising bunch to involve myself with. Remember that you can't choose your family like you can choose your friends.

What if you reconnect and once again have a falling out? Do what you want to, but be careful with your feelings, your sanity, and your bank account.

I often wish I could reconnect with old friends. I think it's too late though. Unless something happens and we spontaneously come together I don't think reaching out would lead to anything.

People don't easily forgive or forget perceived social blunders in my opinion. Look at how many rock and pop bands split up. Not many of them have a reunion.

Even people who I haven't had arguments with, I simply didn't see them for a while... if I haven't seen them for months and I do again it's often really awkward. I've tried sometimes to reconnect and it's been embarrassing.