I am beginning to suspect it runs in the family

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I know it is a cliche that posters here start seeing autistics everywhere, but I am starting to suspect my mother might be.

My father recently died and reflecting back with what I know now it is stunning, I also believe he was "protecting" her in a sense. I'm remembering small comments he used to make that indicated he felt sorry for her almost, and that he and he thought others should cut her slack because of this. But he framed it as her being born and growing up in a foreign country, but that can't explain why more than 40 years later she can't figure out why people find death sad.

Or perhaps this is just the first time I went through a major event with her where it was obvious something was off.
When he was dieing she asked me constantly why hospital staff tried to comfort her, and sent a social worker on staff to talk to and comfort her. Since he has died she has not expressed any emotion about this event either way, it is just a fact of life to her he is dead.

Since the death I'm realizing how much input and guiding he provided her daily, she consults me on almost every interaction she has with people to get my opinion on what they mean. I also realize that this analyzing of interaction was such a constant in our family that it wasn't even noticed by me, both of us analyzed and asked my father. She also will relate how upset she is when people react negatively seemingly without reason, something I recognize that happens to me too.

She cannot make a phone call to a utility or credit card afraid of making a social mistake, she also is afraid to write a letter afraid of making a mistake. She just can't understand what people mean. With my father gone she is basically afraid to interact with anyone without him acting as a guide.

EDIT:I forgot to add that everyone who knew my mother before I was born including my father has said she was a totally different person when he met her, she even had a high paying job in the finance department of a major department store locally. Then my brother committed suicide and they said she was mute and catatonic for some months and was never the same person, basically becoming reclusive and non-functional before I was born. Everyone has indicated to me I never met my real mother(their words). My father and other family members excused a lot of her odd behavior as a result of trauma.

EDIT2: My mother will absolutely not talk to a mental health professional or even consider that she might have autism, she won't even accept that I probably have even though I did not talk until age 6. She is just a stone wall on this, autism is a dirty word to her.

Anyone else have this happen to you?

Yeah, actually. Once I got diagnosed and my family became aware of the specifics of AS, my wildly eccentric grandfather made a whole lot more sense to everyone, as did my anal-retentive, socially clueless mother. Even though I was the first one diagnosed, my mother is actually much more classically autistic than I am, but masks it better due to survival skills learned in childhood. Other members of my family have traits, but it's glaring in a straight line leading from my grandfather to my mother to me.

I was having a moan about my mum to my psychotherapist the other day, and she pointed out that a lot of the stuff that I was describing is fairly typical Aspie behaviour. I'd never thought of it before, but it makes sense. She has traits but can pass herself off as NT, but it definitely seems to run in her side of the family - one or two of my cousins are also on the autism spectrum.

I can see traits on both sides of the family (especially my father's side) but nobody even comes close to an ASD diagnosis other than myself. I seem to have gotten the worst from both sides in terms of that. There are some positives though: EVERYONE on both sides of the family has worn glasses since childhood (in one case even as an infant!) but I have near perfect vision. I can now see some ASD traits in my mother I didn't see before but I think it's more due to a traumatic childhood.

There is considerable evidence that autism is partially, but not entirely, genetic, so it will often run in families.

Some other members of my family have autistic traits, but none of them have autism.

I have it, my youngest son has it. My twin brother has it, his daughter has it. My father almost certainly had it (my psychologist brother -- not the twin, the other brother -- confirms it); my paternal grandfather may well have had it.

The part where it she was a totally different before a an extreme shattering event is a flag. Autism is a lifelong condition. But your brothers suicide (sorry to hear that) could easily worsen the symptoms, or make her co-morbid. And working with numbers could be an aspie job. I hope for her sake before she passes she comes to terms with her son's suicide and the death of her husband but as an adult that is her decision. Just be grateful she lets you help her. Even though she can't express it I am sure she is appreciative.

As for my family I suspect my sister is at least sub clinical. She is fully functional but hates crowds, is a lifelong migraine sufferer who is light sensitive and suffers from an anxiety. My brother in law had to set the TV to the dullest settings for her. My nephew has been diagnosed with ADHD, my sister suspects Aspergers he did not talk to me, his grandparents and his sister for several years and is just starting to acknowledge us at age 17.. He spends hours on video games, does not have a Facebook account and has a couple of friends. I strongly suspect my dad. He had a full career but has intense special interests, does not understand when he is boring people, is so noise sensitive that when my mother clanks dishes together he gets upset because it is so loud for him he thinks she hurt herself. Anything out of place really bothers him. However he does like chit-chat and does it well but with small groups. His dad was an accountant and "rigid". After his wife died of a sudden heart attack in her early '60 he married a women we did not think was good for him.