What do People not Understand About You?

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Aspies have a lot of symptoms which can seem odd or confusing to NTs who don't know much about autism, or who know less than they think they do. My friend and family don't really understand the severity of my sensory problems; they assume I'm being overdramatic or trying to "milk my autism" when I react adversely. It drives me crazy because they have no idea what it's like inside my head, but they make me feel so invalidated and like maybe I really am crazy or overreacting. What about you? What do people not understand about your autism? Things you wish they could step into your shoes to experience first hand?

People don't understand how sensitive I am to my environment, the lights and sounds and smells, and things moving around me or touching me, and how my awareness of things starts to close in to a smaller radius, kind of like tunnel vision, because I just can't process it all.

People also do not understand that I need to do one thing at a time, and I can't talk or carry on a conversation very well while I am trying to do something else.

People don't understand that things that are normal activities for them can be really problematic for me, like going out to eat in a restaurant, or being in the same room with a television playing for hours.

People don't need to give a crap about you unless you have some kind of power to hurt them or their interests, and most people are very good---compared with me, at least---at not bothering to understand what they don't need to. Therefore, people usually understand nothing about me. Their prejudices are enough, and any decision involving me is made according to them. You don't need to know reality when you can afford to make up your own version of it and force others to behave as though it were the real thing, letting them suffer all the consequences of the fact that it's not. In fact, you can blame these consequences on their ineptitude, adding these conclusions to your version of reality and punishing them by further removing it from actual reality.

How far away from them I am.

Being social is really what people don't understand about me, even some of my close friends. I am very good at "putting it on" and people think that I love socialising, meeting new people, chatting etc. Actually I find it quite excruciating, awkward, stressful and exhausting. But because I haven't let anyone see that side of me they just see the side that is smiling and making (horrible) small talk!

For some reason a lot of people also think I'm quite romantic, "airy-fairy", idealistic etc. In some ways I am. But then they don't believe me when I'm incredibly practical and factual about things. For example, one of my closest friends couldn't believe that I don't believe in soul mates, and I was like, "how on earth could you think that I do?!"

Clearly I don't always come across how I feel inside!

Things people either don't understand or take seriously about me:

1. Sensory issues: if I don't like to be touched, or certain sounds or smells, it's not taken seriously and the person behaves as if I'm exaggerating or continues the behavior (such as touching)

2. My way of thinking: I generally think logically, not intuitively. If something doesn't make sense, I question it. I pay attention to details others find insignificant. I don't understand indirect speech, and speak in a direct or blunt manner. I tend to say what I think. People don't like it.

3. My staring off into space means I'm thinking or trying to concentrate on something, such as someone speaking. Eye contact also is painful and difficult to make.

4. I can't switch tasks easily when doing something I like. It's hard to control. It pisses me off that I do it but I currently can't figure out how to fix the problem.

5. I get nasty if I'm overwhelmed by sensory issues or too many things going on at once. It's not directed towards anyone. It's basically me just panicking.

6. I have no sense of time. So I never know how long it takes to do something or how long I have been doing something. So I tend not to allocate my time wisely and am late often.

7. I put things off because the thought of doing them is overwhelming, not because I'm lazy.

8. I'm not weird on purpose. I'm just actually that weird.

9. I'm not stupid, despite my appearance or mannerisms. Chances are, I'm probably smarter than the majority of those that treat me as though I'm stupid.

10. My apparent lack of empathy at times is not intentional. Sometimes it takes awhile for things to sink in. I often can't understand or imagine how or why a person may feel a certain way, so it takes time for me to process it in order to understand or react appropriately. If a person chooses to elaborate (being as descriptive as possible) on his/her emotional state or situation, it's an enormous help for me to be able to put myself in that person's place.

People do not understand that I cannot turn down the intensity.

My anxiety. Luckily my close family understand, but most people don't.

When I say that working full time is emotionally too much for me, people just say "oh everybody feels like that."

Lots of things make me anxious; crowds, the dark (being out in the dark I mean), small children, loud sudden noises, being criticized, being stared at by strangers, walking in snow and ice, strangers standing in my space, unexpected overtime at work, being watched, the bus being too crowded, the bus being late, crossing the road, going to bed too late...basically most everyday things.

I know these sorts of things can make others anxious too, but these ALL make me anxious, to the point where I have panic attacks or become avoidant altogether. Also some of them are social anxiety-related. But lots of people don't understand how these little things can upset me.

I relate to a lot of the issues many people have mentioned on this thread, especially the sensory issues and how overwhelmed I can feel by things such as simply the noise of flowing traffic while someone's trying to have a conversation with me. They seem to be happy chatting on a busy road, while I, on the other hand, am screaming inside, trying to just think straight in all the noise.

And the one about only being able to do one thing at a time, focus my attention on one thing at a time. There's an acquaintance of mine who can't seem to understand that I can't sit chatting with her AND watch wildlife with a view to my photography and moments to catch a photograph of. I've missed some amazing things that I just looked up and saw "the last second of" because I was giving my whole focus to the conversation, which already takes up everything my brain can manage, and I can't split my attention the way other people seem to be able to do. I can't find a way to tell her about my problem with this, without either spilling the whole bag of beans regarding my Asperger's (which she doesn't know) or sounding like a crazy person. I've tried to say it in different ways but she doesn't get it. So yeah....that one is big for me.

People also do not understand about me that I'm smarter than I seem to a person who knows me only superficially. I regularly get underestimated based on casual, first, or superficial impressions.

I am not sure, but maybe most people don't really get the way I think.
Like I said my thinking is like virus pop up windows, and ideas pop up without me thinking too much about them, then I implement them, and most people seem a bit more organized or reasoned in their thinking than this.

(this post is meant to be attached to the text I quoted above, but Captcha is being a pain in the butt)



I relate to so many things on this list. I really hate it when people dismiss my explanations for my behaviour or when I ask them not to do something (such as touch me, or talk to me when I'm trying to de-stress). It feels very much like they don't see me as a real person, or that they just don't care that my needs are different from theirs, and that angers me a lot. My parents often think I put things off out of laziness, but they have no idea of the tremendous anxiety I feel over so many things, and when I try to explain it, they either think I'm exaggerating, or they blow right over it with at, "well that's really easy to fix, you just... [insert unhelpful, ineffective advice here]". I hate the instinctive dishonesty people seem to have developed as a means of preserving social niceties. My sister is always explaining my behaviour to her friends, or snapping at me to "stop being so stupid/weird" and yet when I ask her if she's embarrassed by me, she always says no. I just want her to tell me what she really feels for pity's sake because I can't tell otherwise because I have autism! It's what that means!

Something that people do not understand about me (that has not been mentioned yet) is that things should really not be moved. My ability to scan my environment is horrible and laborious. I depend on my memory for where things are and where I am in the process of interacting with them. For example, I know where each of my dishes are, and that my bowl, spoon, and cup are drying and need to be put away. If I find out that this is not the case, it would take a lot of investigative work to find.

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

That when you hit me
and then try to laugh it off as "a joke" ...
and try to make ME out to be the villain ...
when the only thing I did to start with was
simply tell the truth, then
I'm not going to buy your claim that your words and actions were "a joke".
I will call you out on it
and stare you down
until you take back your insulting behavior.

Let's just say that somebody understands that now.

...

people don't understand my deep fascination with seemingly small things

in general I just don't connect well with a lot of people. There's this disconnect and it's kind of unsettling. I used to be a social person and then the disconnect started showing through more and I decided I'd had enough of people holding themselves as a standard and making me feel inferior or nonsensical just for being different