Making a forum post and then worrying about it for ages...

Post Reply New Topic

This doesn't just refer to this forum individually but rather forums in general and even other types of slower forms of communication.

Anyone else here get really anxious after making a post on a forum? Like... worrying about being accidentally offensive or doing something you're not supposed to or breaking etiquette or whatever? Granted, my own worries come from past experiences where people have reacted really badly to posts I've made on various forums. I'm just too used to saying the wrong thing.

Sometimes I sit around waiting specifically for a few replies to make sure the post is well-received (or just ignored) before I can feel safe enough to go on to do other things.

I'm curious to see how others cope with these situations.

Also, on a related note, when something does go wrong, who else slips into a massive panic and then gets depressed and avoids the forum for a few months hoping the problem will go away? I have a feeling that most of the times this happens to me, those involved who are being critical/insulting/argumentative etc probably don't see it as anywhere near as big a deal as I do, but I can't help getting so worked up about it that it sorta takes up most of my thoughts for a few days.

Yeah, sometimes I get nervous about how people are going to respond to my post.

I suppose I get nervous sometimes, but I generally don't worry too much. I try to think things through very well before posting in a thread, and so I've usually tried to make my statement as clear as possible to avoid misunderstandings. If misunderstandings do occur, I will just clarify my statement.

Sometimes others are offended by my actual opinions, and I don't think I can fix that. I try not to get involved in really controversial topics, because people tend to get nasty, and I want no part of it. If I think my opinion may be offensive, I may choose to keep it to myself. I see no point in endless arguing.

If you are often very worried about your posts, is it justified? Are you very often misunderstood? And if you are, is it because you are having difficulties with communicating clearly, or is it because others are easily offended or perhaps have difficulty in comprehension?

I would not dwell endlessly on bad reactions in forums. I used to when I first started using forums, but now I realize that these things are common occurrences, and not necessarily my fault. If something is your fault, own up to it and apologize. Otherwise, just try to let it go. Sometimes you just can't win.

Personally, I get misunderstood way too often. One of the most common thing that comes up (which is generally one of the more minor of the issues I've had) is people thinking I'm complaining about something when I'm trying to make an observation. Whilst that situation isn't hugely anxiety inducing like others, it does really get on my nerves. I feel that having my intentions misunderstood occurs waaaay too frequently.

I've also found out that I am really, really terrible at jokes on forums, because people always end up taking them seriously. I honestly don't know why I try jokes sometimes, I guess I want to be funny but I'm not very successful at it.

Yeaa, then I worry I've posted it in the wrong section. Quoted the wrong post or even replied to the wrong thread or posted the wrong link and it goes to something inappropriate.

I have that too. It leads to needing very long for posts because I re-read them again and again before posting them, worrying if it is understandable, not offensive and fits to the thread.
When there are new threads I often wait and see what others write first to make sure I have a kind of "guideline" about the thread to find out if what I want to contribute is relevant.
After answering I am a bit anxious about what others will respond then because that means they might refer to what I have written and I can never be sure about how others will react before posting.
Starting new threads is the worst for me. I worry about where to start it, try even more to write it as perfect as possible to avoid misunderstandings because I have the feeling if I write it bad, no one will answer to that thread or will argue about "my" thread.

I worry a lot after I post on forums (including this one) or other sites, and even after I PM someone. It's especially bad when I start a new topic. I always worry that my post will be misunderstood or I will say something bad/wrong or completely overshare (as I have a tendency to do if I'm not very careful) and not realize it until later. I don't relax until I get a positive response or two, or, like the OP said, no response at all so I can delete the thread/post after I do realize it. I think one of the worst things for me is when I don't get any kind of response to a PM, because I worry about their non-response for ages and feel like an idiot for saying whatever I said that was "wrong" and what that person must think of me now.

Glad I'm not the only one who does this sort of thing.

Just come right out and say that you are making an observation. Then there will be no confusion. You could say "Here is something I've noticed...what do you guys think?" or something of that nature.

Well, it's pretty easy to indicate that you are joking. Either just say that you are joking, or use some emoticon/emoji to show that you are joking. I think you should not stop trying to be funny, as long as you aren't doing it by insulting people.

I do the same.

Sometimes I post and then I start pacing around trying to rid myself of the stress, which subsides somewhat when people reply, whether their response is positive or negative doesn't really bother me though.
I will read topics and hit reply, but am struck down by my fear of communication and will not post what I have written.Even if I spent a half hour on the reply I just will not post it.
Other times, rarely, I am able to just batter away on my keyboard and hit that submit button.
Though sometimes I am wrongly accused of being a robot by mr capcha or whatever he is called, I have added him to 'the list'.

It is even worse when I'm foolish enough to send a PM.

I have actually tried declaring my observation, but half the time, I get called out on "complaining" anyway. Maybe it's my tone, idk.

Hmm...well I can try to make some observations on your posts, if you have one or two that you believe illustrate the problem you are having. I still wouldn't worry too much. Perhaps you can learn from your mistakes and become better at expressing yourself in a way that elicits positive rather than negative reactions.

I know it's not easy. I think many of us here have a lot of anxiety when it comes to communicating with others, for similar reasons.

I get worried too, if I have started a thread.
Well, if it's something that's commonly discussed among autistics then I don't feel as worried, but if it's a difficult thought that my brain has concocted together and I decide to share it on here, I worry that people will think it's stupid and I will receive negative replies involving criticism, sarcasm, hypocrisy, and nasty comments, insulting my intelligence. I've actually had that happen a few times, which got me regretting starting the thread in the beginning.

But, somebody wise once told me that you could start a thread about the sky being blue, and you'll always get someone who disagrees. It happens in any forum, not just in autism forums. We're all humans, after all. So I must remember that just because one person on a thread has an answer for everything it doesn't make it so, so you've just got to pretend to accept their opinion and move on, otherwise you could go on forever trying to "correct" that one person.

I don't get worried when adding a post to an existing thread, because my posts don't often get noticed. They get more swallowed up among the more intelligent members, who appear to be more popular in the autism world.

Sounds like OCD.

Always. It doesn't help that over the years I've been conditioned to believe that everything I say is annoying or will make people angry/that anger is the default response to anything I say. So a slower communication makes me very nervous. It's why I much prefer forms like Twitter, to be honest.