how do I tell my friend he has AS? Should I? or let it be?

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I was out with my best friend the other night to basically the only bar he will go to when he became very agitated in a heated debate with someone and was politely asked to leave. As he was somewhat reluctantly leaving, someone approached me and told me he has AS. The next day , I went on-line and confirmed that he does. He is 45 and very intelligent; but withdrawn in many ways; which is ironic because he is a great salesman. He functions well and his life is in order. I am hesitant because it took him many years to get off of prescription drugs that he was hooked on. I don't want to go back to those horror days; very violent. Should I even bother telling him he has it, or just do the best to live with it/him.

Was this a person who had a basis for making such a claim?

I was not sure at the time, so I wrote the name down to research it. The research confirmed that he does have it. He has most all of the symptoms described.

Are you sure he has it? Most of the "symptoms" of Asperger's can also be caused by a myriad of other things. If you are sure however, you should ask yourself; Would he like to know? I know that I was happy to find out, and I know that a lot of others were happy to know as well. But if he has lived to 45 without knowing, then chances are that he is comfortable with the person he is. Telling him that he has what is widely concidered a disability, might not agree with him. He might feel a loss of identity in knowing that many of the traits he has concidered to be uniqely his, are actually traits linked to a syndrom that 1 in 150 people have.

All you have to do is consider which kind of person your friend is. Would he want to know?

Hope to have been of some help.

I agree. You might push him to those prescription drugs he was taking if he doesn't handle it well. Depends.

I have a similar friend who - it could be suspected - has mild AS.
I'm not going to tell him that. He's moderately happy and successful, and pretty much everything is in place for him. He doesn't need to know, and more importantly, I don't think he would want to know. He isn't in a position to need or want the label.
On the other hand, your friend might be wondering why he has trouble and why other people seem like such a puzzle to him. Another friend of mine was recently diagnosed ADHD - in middle age and with a family - and was incredibly relieved to know "it wasn't just him."

... I guess that isn't very definitive. But maybe it would help to know how your friend feels when he is in some way distinguishably different?

I do not think he has had AS his whole life. The symptoms have only become pronounced within the the last few years. e.g. very loud talking; goes on and on about the same subject without looking for any confirmation or recognition that I am even listening, avoids eye contact, avoids people/strangers, has full body twitches and makes strange noises in the middle of sentences. I really am not sure how he would react; if it would make things better or worse or have no affect at all. That is why I am here asking for your input. Thank you.

It might be something else then. Was he ok in social situations before?

It could be a myriad of problems. If it's only been in the last few years then it's probably not AS.
If he's satisfied or happy with his life it's probably best not to mention it.
If he's depressed and needs help then you could try.

Eclectric,
AS is a developmental disability and is from birth/childhood,if the traits have only just started [and were not even there in milder form] it isn't AS,but if they were there before-milder,it possibly could be AS.

There's other things that can copy AS traits,such as some types of brain damage [it has happened to drivers who have a minor crash and bang their head on the steering wheel].
Parts of the schizo. spectrum would fit it also.

Did he definitely not have those traits before in any strength?

He did have these traits before (except maybe the full body twitch) but they have just recently become more pronounced. He was injured by a bouncer a few years ago for doing nothing wrong and is suing the company; since the suit he seems to be very traumatized; and the symptoms are more pronounced.

Well... it is not unheard of that a traumatic event and the stressd period after it can underline symptoms of a condition that was always there.
If he does have AS however, he has had it his entire life. If I was you, I would research to find out if the symptoms you have witnessed couldn't just as well be explained with another diagnosis (You sertainly do not want to tell him he has something he hasn't!) As for how he would react... without knowing him there is only so much any of us can do. I can tell you that I have come across far more who were happy to know than people who were unhappy. Taking your friends past into account, I would still be careful of how to tell him (If that is what you decide to do) make sure to empathize that it doesn't have to be a big deal. You might also want to direct him here, so that he can talk to others "like him"

Again I hope I have been of some help.

I thank all of you for consideration and thoughts. I will continue to research his condition and observe him more closely before making any decisions. If I do tell him, I will certainly direct him here for support. Again, you have been very helpful.

Don't know what kind of person he's like, if for example he would take offense to it. If it were me, I wouldn't tell him he had it. I would bring it up with someone else who knows him and ask for advice. Then I'd bring the topic up to him but don't say he has it, just ask how he feels about the topic. Remember, you might be right that he has it, but you're not the one who's making the diagnosis. I don't know what your occupation is but leave that to the professionals. Then he'll decide if he wants a diagnosis or not. Good Luck.

He might have it, but I think its highly unlikely.

I see too many topics being brought up about "I think so-and-so has this", and I think it speaks volumes more about those who raise such topics, than those specified within.

Just do a statistical analysis to understand why.

Remember there is the ratio for Autism spectrum disorders...and then the even smaller specific diagnosis ratio.

Now, consider how many different cities there are in the world. Than consider how many people are living in each city on average in order to reach just under 7 billion. Than consider how many people a person can actually "KNOW" in a city.

That last step might be difficult...but if you want a good estimate...than plug in a number that is the basis on how many people YOU know, or how many people close friends seem to know.

I think youll find that most people know perhaps less than a tenth of the population in their given city...possibly much much lower.

When you consider all this, and than consider the amount of disorders possible to display such traits...or perhaps even brain damage...illness, depressive issues,etc....The likelihood that you actually KNOW another individual who has AS, is extremely unlikely.

Forums like these or at autistic spectrum groups/events...are likely the only ways you will actually meet another person with such a disorder. Now, you will likely walk past people who have AS, but talking to them, or even having a second thought about them is probably not the case.

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Additionally...don't just go by the symptoms you see online. Diagnosis gets much much much more specific with its criteria when it is in-depth, and remember, one cannot simply HAVE the symptoms. Each symptom must systematically effect the other symptoms of diagnosis. Whereas, not all or even many may be required for diagnosis, they must have specific traits on the whole.

Anything that speaks VOLUMES...is likely not fit criteria for a symptom.

Most TRAITS, tend to be subtle at best, but are happening 24/7, and are involved in all actions of that particular individual.

For example...compare anger to someone who has anger issues.

A completely normal person could have the most insane outburst that terrifies people with its violence and rage. However, it is likely not apparent in actions, and only happens in rare instances.

However, a person with anger issues, likely is angry at the smallest things. They however, have learned that outbursts draw unwanted attention, and thus try to hide it, or get used to not throwing fits.

In the end, they will throw many little fits(or possibly just show an anger visually, but make no reaction), and than every once in awhile with throw a large tantrum, and get into fights, hurt people. Unlike a normal person, they may not be able to completely control themselves, and will let loose on whoever gets in there way.

A normal person who shows rage, might be violent and crazy, however, they probably will not draw in many bystanders.

I am an NT; my friend has AS. I always wondered why he was so different. Just last night he asked me why he feels so alienated and different from everyone else (he has always felt this way). He is always telling me that he doesn't feel like he belongs here. I told him there are many other people out there that also feel that way - without telling him about AS. Among the symptoms that I am aware of: very loud talking and gets red in the face and is very adamant about the topic/argument; goes on and on about the same subject without looking for any confirmation or recognition that I am even listening- he will talk for hours on the phone without me saying even one word, avoids eye contact, avoids people/strangers, has full body twitches and makes strange noises in the middle of sentences. He is clumsy/uncoordinated. He often gazes off in the distance for no apparent reason. He doesn't want a girlfriend because he does not feel like he is mentally/emotionally healthy enough to have a good relationship. I am basically his only friend and I think he likes it that way. From what little I have read, this seems to be classic AS. Any other Ideas?