Lonely but can't be bothered to socialize anymore?

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I've felt lonely more or less my whole life, but trying to socialize sure does get exausting doesn't it? Particularly in the last year I've just not felt like putting effort into it anymore. I avoid people, I hardly talk, I rarely answer the phone when it rings and I prefer to stay home than catch up with my friends. That's always been pretty normal for me, but lately it's gotten worse. Towards the end of my last job, I was putting less effort into approaching people and trying to make friends. Coworkers wanted to help me hookup with a girl, and I tried talking to girls but in the end I never felt connected to anyone, just bored and distant. I tend to focus on what I percieve as the negative traits of human nature, and mistrust most people. To top it off I'm a pretty insecure individual. I never feel truly comfortable around anybody, just inferior. Negative thoughts invade my solitude daily now, my room where I used to be quite comfortable is no longer safe. I'm lonely but I have no energy left to go and start a conversation with someone. I know the end result...it makes me feel like I'm socially inept and I don't belong here on this planet.

Sorry I only skim-read your post because I'm in a noisy room and can't always concentrate, but I can relate. At the moment I feel I have let all my friends down, because I've been making excuses that I'm busy, and haven't made time to see any of them.

I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, and he lives quite a way from me, so I spend a lot of time travelling, if I'm not working. And I need to squeeze in alone time for myself too, and the weeks just going by so quickly. And another part of me can't really be bothered with friends, although it is nothing personal against them. I do text/ring them every now and then, which is better than nothing I suppose.

Yes, socially I've become very "lazy" over the years. Perhaps I just don't want company enough to go and look for it. I'm with my girlfriend a lot, so I'm not exactly lonely, though very aware that it would be good to have a few more friends. Another factor is that people aren't like objects that can be played with and then put back in their boxes, so once a friendship is started it becomes a responsibility, and for some reason I feel terrible if I lose a friend through neglect, even if I felt I was getting little or nothing out of the friendship.

I get lonely but I find socializing extremely exhausting. When my physical and mental health goes down the tubes, the amount of spare energy I have to allocate to socializing and maintaining friendships is very little. Throughout my life I struggled to be able to maintain more than 1 friendship at a time. I went 20 years with just one friend, rest were acquaintances. I often am hard to reach, spend a lot of time on my own. I need a lot of alone time to recharge to be able to socialize. Despite all of this, ironically I do enjoy socializing 1on1 with friends.

I have a lot of difficulty managing any responsibility, for anyone, or anything, including friendships. Friends I do have that stick around, realize that I will talk with them on my own terms when I am ready to talk.

Can relate. Socializing is exhausting for me too. It is too hard to set up a "date" with someone, to be at a certain place at a certain time and not be sure whether they will actually show up or not. And most people just like to sit and have conversation.....exhausting.

I feel more socially motivated at work. When out of work, I prefer to either be with my family, with my boyfriend, or sometimes on my own. I prefer to just phone friends and have a good catch-up every month or so. I'm happy living life like that, although sometimes I do get lonely. (I know being with my family and/or boyfriend is socializing too, but I meant socializing with outsiders).

Hi Jase,

When I get lonely and desire people contact but feel no one will be able to connect will me, I go to a type of church that offers personal one on one prayer after the service. I can share my need and they pray for me. This type of connecting offers a compassionate listening ear. Calling a prayer line requires less energy. I believe in prayer but even if a person doesn't there is a connection to help a person who may feel completely isolated.