Does it sound like I'm on the autism spectrum?

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I know I can't get an official diagnosis here, but I'm just wondering what you all think. I am a 24-year-old female, by the way.

-I'm definitely a bit socially awkward. I have three really close friends (all of whom I've had since my childhood/teen years), but have never had a lot of friends and I've never really found it easy to make friends. Most people are nice to me and I can sometimes manage to talk to people...there seem to just only be a select few people that I really "connect" with. I can only talk with someone for so long though, before I start finding it really hard to maintain the conversation. I also just freeze up sometimes and don't know what to say to someone or how to answer something they've asked me (it's not usually any complicated question or anything, certain questions will just catch me off guard and again, I'll just freeze up or stutter).

-I also never know how to respond to questions like "how are you?" and "what's up?" I am an empathetic person, but I get so nervous and uncomfortable if someone gets upset or cries in front of me because I have no idea how to handle the situation or how to make them feel better. I have definitely come across a few people who seem to think I'm stupid or "slow" because of the way I act. I have sometimes had people (including my own parents) think that I'm being rude when it was definitely NOT my intention at all. I often just feel like I didn't say the right thing to someone, either because I didn't really get my message across, or again, I unintentionally came off as rude.

-I also tend to take things that people say to me literally (I may not understand at first that they're joking or being sarcastic) and I have trouble reading people's body language and facial expressions, and have trouble understanding when they just make gestures at me without saying anything.

-I've always been pretty adamant about following rules and like to pretty much have the same routine every day. I don't have a total meltdown if my routine is disrupted, but I do get flustered.

-I do practice good hygiene and make sure to not look like a slob, but I definitely don't seem to care about my appearance nearly as much as most women do. I hardly ever wear makeup, and if I do, I just slap on some eyeliner, usually if I have to attend some important event and don't want to look like a kid (I do look very young for my age and sometimes think I must just seem young because of my mannerisms...people usually think I'm about 14-16, maybe 18 if they're being generous. I even had someone charge me the kids price at a buffet recently and I assume it was for ages 12 and under!). I tend to wear simple clothes because I really don't know how to put together some amazing fashionable outfit, and I tend to be picky about how my clothes feel too (they generally need to be very comfortable). I just have straight, shoulder length hair. Some people tell me that getting a different haircut (like layers or something) might make me look older, but I just can't be bothered because I don't want some haircut where I'll have to spend an hour blow-drying and styling every morning.

-I was practically mute as a young child (up until about 2nd or 3rd grade) in any place other than home. I would pretty much never talk unless someone spoke to me first or asked me a question that required more than shaking my head yes or no. I came out of my shell after that but definitely still am pretty shy now.


-Definitely have some sensory issues...as I said before, I'm pretty picky when it comes to clothes because I don't like how certain things feel. Strong smells and tastes can make me tear up and gag. I wouldn't say I'm a terribly picky eater, but I to tend to eat the same foods a lot, and I definitely would be very anxious and uncomfortable going to any restaurant with super exotic food. I was pickier as a child but, grew out of it somewhat. I am also very sensitive to bright lights. I have to wear shades at the dentist's office because I can't take that light shining in my face. I also hate certain loud noises. As a kid, I was really scared of a lot of them (I was terrified of vacuum cleaners and the fire alarm at school). Now there are just certain ones that I hate. I especially can't stand people coughing and clearing their throats really loudly.

-I sometimes hit, punch, scratch, or bite myself if I get really frustrated. The loud noises that I mentioned are one of the biggest triggers. If I'm in public or around anyone, I'll just discreetly scratch myself so no one will notice, or I'll just leave the situation if I can so I can have a bigger meltdown. When one of my parents has been sick and is hacking and coughing really loudly, I have actually burst into tears and hit myself really hard because I just can't stand it (I do feel bad because I know they're sick and probably can't help it...but I just can't handle the sounds). As both a child and an adult, I have never really been prone to tantrums or meltdowns, but noises that really bother me have always seemed to be the main thing that can trigger them. One other thing that can trigger a meltdown is when I feel like someone is falsely accusing me of something, or blaming me for something that isn't my fault or that I have no control over. I just get very upset and sometimes angry and have to hold back tears (or I just leave the situation if I can and cry/go into a rage). And again, sometimes I lightly hit/bite/scratch myself if I just get frustrated with homework or trying to figure out how to do something that I don't understand.

-I never had any luck with romance until two years ago when I met my boyfriend. He totally understands me and is a lot like me (I think he might be on the spectrum too), so it's really great to have him. I never knew how to approach a guy, and every other guy that tried to initiate something with me was a creeper, so it's almost like I give off some vibe that I could be easily manipulated and THOSE types of guys came after me. Both of these guys happened to be ones that I wasn't interested in in anyway, so I never got involved with them in the first place. Which was good because one of them turned out to be a rapist (he went to jail for raping someone else, and also had been in juvenile detention for stealing a car) and the other was just a weird stalker who followed me around and tried to touch me, until I started taking a different route to class and never saw him again. I was overjoyed when a nice guy (my current boyfriend) finally came along.

-I'm pretty sure I don't have any cognitive impairment. I've never taken an IQ test, but I've always managed to do well in school. I struggled with math (but still managed to make at least a C in every math class I took, usually with a lot of help from my parents and the teachers) but I really excelled in reading and writing (I was read well above my grade level, and my elementary school teachers were amazed at how well and creatively I wrote), and, when I was in high school, foreign language.

I don't think I had speech delays as a child (which means if I am on the spectrum, I guess I probably have Asperger's rather than just autism). I did have trouble with motor skills. According to my kindergarten teacher I had a lot of difficulty jumping, skipping, and learning how to use scissors. I was definitely a late bloomer in learning how to tie my shoes and ride a bike. I think I was 7 when I could finally tie my shoes and close to 9 when I could finally ride a bike. I actually took dance classes from 1st grade until I finished high school. I actually wanted to be able to dance. And I was able to learn the routines and perform in recitals (since I didn't have to speak in front of people at all, I was mostly okay with dancing in front of an audience even though I was shy). But it did seem to take me longer to pick things up, and I was never good enough to make any competition teams no matter how much I tried to practice and get better. I've always had trouble reading directions about how to do something, and then being able to carry out the task with my hands. I remember having the worst time trying to sew in home ec class in middle school. I would read the directions but I just could NOT figure out what to do with my hands and with the sewing machine. I've never been able to play sports (I *hated* PE when I was in school) because I can't understand and remember all the different rules in the games. I also had a lot of trouble being able to hit/kick/throw balls. I have this vivid memory of being forced to play softball in about 4th or 5th grade, and being humiliated in front of my class because the pitcher seriously had to throw the ball to me about 15 times before I finally hit it...and nobody else had that much trouble with it.

-I also can have trouble with pretty simple things if they require multiple steps. It's even worse if someone just verbally gives me multiple directions at one time (and again, even if they are simple, I get very overwhelmed and shut down...and I'm really not good with auditory processing at all...all information really needs to be written down for me to remember). I'm still pretty clumsy and often get in people's way without meaning to, and seem to have pretty poor spatial awareness. I can drive, but I've noticed that sometimes I'm afraid to pull out into traffic or merge into another lane because I have a hard time judging how far away the closest person to me is, and if I really have time to go over in front of them. If I have to carry more than one or two things at a time, I get all confused and can't figure out the best way to hold it all.

-I feel like I lack facial expressions and pitches/tones in my voice sometimes. I think I was even more like that as a child but I've gotten a bit better at it. Most of my teachers loved me and thought I was a good student, but my 3rd grade teacher was the one teacher I had who seemed to think I had something going on. She always complained that I was "staring off into space" even though I usually wasn't. I think I just wore a blank expression on my face a lot. I didn't zone out or daydream any more than the average kid. She never suggested that I had AS or anything on the autism spectrum, but thought I had some kind of attentional problem. I also kind of have trouble changing the tone or pitch of my voice when I need to.

-I have some stimming behaviors - I grind my teeth a lot, and sometimes play with my hair, squeeze my hands together, pace, shake my fingers, and stand on my toes. I have this weird thing where if I'm reading a book, I have to tap the words with my fingernail as I read them. I've been doing that since I was a little kid. Of course, I only do it in private, not in public since I know how weird I would look to others, but then I find it harder to actually pay attention to and comprehend what I'm reading if I can't tap the words.

-I have/have had some random fascinations/interests. I'm very fascinated with dates and sometimes when I get bored, I just start writing out random dates or thinking them up in my head. I literally know the date of birth of almost every single person I know, even people who aren't super close friends but have either told me their birthday or said it in front of me. As a child, I'd go through different phases and be interested in/obsessed with different things. The topics I remember being interested in when I was young (before my teens) are dinosaurs, bees, volcanoes, certain historical time periods, US states & capitals, different kinds of cheese (yes, I know that one is really weird...), and houses/architecture. With most of them, I would just read as much as I could about them and memorize a lot of details about them, and talk about them a lot with my family/friends (sometimes to the point that they'd get tired of it). I'm also really interested in roller coasters even though I'm generally afraid of them and don't ride them a lot...I'm just interested in how they're designed and know all of the facts about them (the speed, height, etc.).

Again, I guess I'm a somewhat "normal" person on the outside, because I've never had any major problems in life, but I definitely think that I come across as socially immature to a lot of people. I currently have a job at a restaurant (I just take orders at a cash register, run food which just means I drop food off at tables but don't wait on people the whole time, which is good because I couldn't handle being a full blown server with my clumsiness and probably couldn't deal with customers for that long either). My coworkers and managers like me but I know some of them think I'm a bit weird. The main manager once joked that I'm a little "quirky" but that I always do a good job and play by the rules. And again, I feel like I'm a bit socially immature compared to a lot of my coworkers, classmates, and other peers. I'm currently going to college studying to become an elementary school teacher, and sometimes I wonder if it's really going to be a good career for me. I enjoy working with children (and animals...I also studied assistance dog training and loved it, but could never find a job with it) much more than working with adults, and feel a lot more natural around them (and their loud noises don't annoy me nearly as much as adults', haha), so it's not that that I'm worried about. I'm mostly worried that I'll have trouble dealing with talking to my students' parents, participating in faculty meetings, and just staying organized.

It sounds a lot like ASD to me, but only someone who is qualified to evaluate you can make that decision. There isn't really anything there that seems like it would rule out ASD.

All I can say is to read the DSM-V criteria, and any information you can find, then try to truthfully assess your symptoms before you decide if you should be evaluated. There are tests online, but they aren't by themselves useful for a diagnosis. You could take them all anyway; I did.

Being honest about your symptoms and feelings, talking to your parents about childhood behaviors, and then comparing this information with what you discover through research will probably give you a good idea of whether ASD fits your symptoms.

I think I really knew myself when I started reading things that people with ASD had written about themselves and their feelings. What they wrote was so similar to how I felt that it could have been written by me.

To me you fall into the maybe yes maybe no category. Aspergers is something you can relate to obviously.

For me personally, I expect someone with autism to have been referred to someone like a psychologist as a child. Like the school you were attending or your family noticed behavior in you that prompted them to send you to get tested. And if you were tested what the conclusion was. To me when an adult has that in their background, there is a greater likelihood they have high functioning autism. If not, then it seems less likely or it is so mild no one ever picked up on anything wrong.

Asperger's wasn't a diagnosis until I was an adolescent. Went to numerous psychologists as a kid. But not until I was older.

My parents have autistic traits and didn't really notice I was abnormal. Not until they looked back and answered the questions on the forms did they realize that I wasn't just a quirky kid, and that things like not smiling, or caring to play with other kids weren't normal. Or lining up all my toys. Or all the weird stims I had. Etc.

My teachers sure noticed, though. They hated me, thought I was a bad kid, and weird. I was always punished because I couldn't follow the rules, even though I tried. I went to some awful tiny school in the middle of nowhere.

I guess the younger adults nowadays had a better chance of getting diagnosed as kids, because the medical community was aware of high-functioning ASD and it's symptoms.

So I guess for younger people, it's more important that the symptoms were recognized earlier. I suppose that a 24 year old may have been more likely to be noticed as a child for having ASD. Although smaller school districts may have less awareness. Plus females seem to have less noticeable signs.

You sound almost exactly like me. I was never tested as a child because, even though my mother knew something was wrong from the time I was five, and suspected AS by the time I was eight, she couldn't afford the testing, and didn't know enough about the spectrum to think I needed special help. Based on your symptoms, I'd say there's a good chance you have some form of AS or HFA. Is a diagnosis something you're interested in pursuing?

Most of that sounds like you're probably on the spectrum.

OP, you definitely sound like you are on the spectrum to me from what you wrote.

I´d say, it looks like you´re a arch-typical aspie.

A lot of what you wrote here reminds me of myself. And I think the fact that it's limiting what you're able to handle at your current job (with concerns about your future career goals as well) makes it worth getting checked out.

In any case, welcome - I hope you find this forum helpful!