Does anyone have a coping strategy for peer pressure?

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 6:29 am

I'm not over keen on crowds but can perfectly handle them if I feel anonymous and get to where I'm going directly.
The problem I have is when I'm with friends and they all wish to do something I'm not over keen on doing, I generally cave in and go along with them, and it has lead to some amazing times out with them. But being guys, trying to talk my mates about the amount of anxiety these things can cause me is really quite difficult.
My normal coping strategy for these times is get myself as drunk as possible, which is obviously is an unhealthy and mostly embarrassing option.
If I stay sober then I can never feel comfortable enough to actually enjoy the time with my friends...
Should I demand that my friends take my frustrations more seriously and be more understanding? Or carry on being either the awkward quiet unhappy one in the corner, or the over the top loud mouth who usually misses any coherent context of conversations...
Feeling awkward when out and about, but at the same time being really quite social, really sucks...



Schlumpfikus
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 8 Jan 2016
Age: 39
Posts: 79

22 Mar 2016, 7:00 am

So if you are just alone with your friends you don't need to drink in order to have fun, do you, only when you go to places where more people are? Like, big parties, bars, clubs and such?



christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 7:14 am

Schlumpfikus wrote:
So if you are just alone with your friends you don't need to drink in order to have fun, do you, only when you go to places where more people are? Like, big parties, bars, clubs and such?


Erm.... in a nutshell yes.
But going out with my mates, usually involves that sort of thing.
Don't get me wrong I love going out with them but can struggle with where we end up.
I don't wish to be the one that always says, "I'm not going in there" and spoil other peoples fun. And on the same note dont wish to be left behind.
I cant work out what to do about it...



drlaugh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2015
Posts: 3,360

22 Mar 2016, 7:35 am

Booze and food are among the most used things (self medication)for depression, social anxiety and isolation.
1. You might look at the above to see if it fits.
2. New set of peers
3 drive separate cars,
4 I only got two hours of sleep so 1-4 might just be a lot of brouhaha.
4 b. I was the only one up
in our home.


_________________
Still too old to know it all


Schlumpfikus
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 8 Jan 2016
Age: 39
Posts: 79

22 Mar 2016, 7:59 am

christophelambypie wrote:
But going out with my mates, usually involves that sort of thing.


If you say usually, where else do you go together or what else do you do together, where you do feel completely comfortable? Could you increase the amounts of doing that, i.e. suggest more often to go there?
Also, what if you only drink a little instead of always getting yourself drunk as much as possible, does that already make a difference in how you feel about it?



christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 10:00 am

Schlumpfikus wrote:
christophelambypie wrote:
But going out with my mates, usually involves that sort of thing.


If you say usually, where else do you go together or what else do you do together, where you do feel completely comfortable? Could you increase the amounts of doing that, i.e. suggest more often to go there?

Normally my friends and I go cycling and other sporting adventures and it always ends up with a couple of beers at a small local pub, which is fine unless its packed out...
Theres no problems with that and its not unhealthy.. What I refer to is the nights out like birthdays and larger occasions where we will go to bigger venues that are always busy...
As drlaugh above has suggested alcohol is a way of self medicating for social anxiety and I am well aware of this, in truth I know my drinking goes up with my level of anxiety. But what I cant figure out is how to lower my levels of anxiety and get the support of my friends In doing so........
I need to talk to my mates dont I???

Its just hit me that I'm probably kidding myself about enjoying the bigger occasions too, arnt I??....

Hmmmmmmmm????????



drlaugh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2015
Posts: 3,360

22 Mar 2016, 10:14 am

I usually am home with my wonderful wife.
When out it is a church small group, music thing or other small meetings.
At one of the latter , I agreed to go out to lunch following the meeting.
It was creative talking on top of each other. I felt like I was at the kids end of the table. Older folks like me were at the other end.
Riding home I thought many times never again.

3 weeks later I'm questioning that response

I also need to reevaluate my views on music. In the past I could only handle music if I was a solo or part of the band. It gets better. My responses that is.

signature of the moment . Not that kind of Doctor- more like a
F. U. D. D. as in Elmer


_________________
Still too old to know it all


christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 12:16 pm

drlaugh wrote:
I usually am home with my wonderful wife.
When out it is a church small group, music thing or other small meetings.
At one of the latter , I agreed to go out to lunch following the meeting.
It was creative talking on top of each other. I felt like I was at the kids end of the table. Older folks like me were at the other end.
Riding home I thought many times never again.

3 weeks later I'm questioning that response

I also need to reevaluate my views on music. In the past I could only handle music if I was a solo or part of the band. It gets better. My responses that is.

signature of the moment . Not that kind of Doctor- more like a
F. U. D. D. as in Elmer

Nice to know that you have a sense of humour, atleast thats what im presuming :D
So heres a dose of mine....
Have you taken your medication today?? Lol :D :D :D



christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 12:25 pm

Schlumpfikus wrote:
If you say usually, where else do you go together or what else do you do together, where you do feel completely comfortable? Could you increase the amounts of doing that, i.e. suggest more often to go there?
Also, what if you only drink a little instead of always getting yourself drunk as much as possible, does that already make a difference in how you feel about it?

Thank you, you've given me the clarity that i needed
Best regards



drlaugh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2015
Posts: 3,360

22 Mar 2016, 1:46 pm

Christophelambye

Yes.
Seven days without laughter makes one week.

My past meltdowns often happen when I took myself way to seriously.


_________________
Still too old to know it all


christophelambypie
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Age: 1947
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: sussex england

22 Mar 2016, 3:19 pm

drlaugh wrote:
Christophelambye

Yes.
Seven days without laughter makes one week.

My past meltdowns often happen when I took myself way to seriously.

Haha I know.the feeling and laughter is definatly the best medicine :lol:



Schlumpfikus
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 8 Jan 2016
Age: 39
Posts: 79

22 Mar 2016, 6:09 pm

christophelambypie wrote:
Thank you, you've given me the clarity that i needed
Best regards


Best regards to you, too. I hope you and your friends will find a good solution together which you all will be happy with.



drlaugh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2015
Posts: 3,360

25 Mar 2016, 1:29 am

2 collieries to laughter is the best medicine..

449 everything is funnier if it is happening to someone else
450 we laugh at comics because of emotional distance
451 if laughter is the best medicine - why are some comics alcoholic.
Perhaps because of colliery 449?
:oops:


_________________
Still too old to know it all