Does Anyone else have Physical Disability Envy

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So this is going to sound strange, but last night I had an argument with a friend. The argument was about Autism and more importantly mental defects/mental health. He said mental defects. Point being, is that he told me, that having a mental defect is not the same as a physical disability. Fair enough, this is true.

But then he said, people with mental defects should stop being whiny and pissy. Stop using their mental defects to behave a certain way. They are making excuses and need to overcome it.

So essentially and I know being physically disabled is no walk in the park. Don't get me wrong, but when you have people telling me stuff like that. Makes me envious that they have something people clearly can see are limitations. With me, for the rest is guess work.

And you consider him to be your friend?

In a sense I do envy those who have conspicuous physical impairments, because it must facilitate better adjustments and due compassion. But as long as I steer clear of judgemental types such as your friend, I wouldn't want to swap.

My best friend has CP and uses a wheelchair. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to it.

Advantage is that everyone can clearly see what she can't do, and often she doesn't even need to ask for them to accommodate her (eg store people immediately realize they need to reach lower to hand her something). When she does need to ask, I've never seen anyone disbelieve her or refuse to accommodate her, reactions I get very frequently.

Disadvantages are that she gets help she doesn't want sometimes, people tend to talk to her like she's a child, and people talk to me instead of her and/or hand me her change because they assume I must be her carer. All of which I'd find extremely annoying if it was addressed to me. I've only rarely had people talk to me like I'm a child, and never any of the other reactions, each of which seemed to happen at least once a week to my friend while we were hanging out together. (I moved away and see her a lot less now.)

So there's upsides and downsides to having a visible disability instead of an invisible one.

OP, your 'friend' sounds like an as*hole. I think next time he says he can't do something due to his physical disability, you should tell him to stop being whiny and using his disability as an excuse. If he's on the receiving end of it, he might get a clue what he's doing.

I already said I recognize the disadvantages in my starting post. I am not saying they have one hundred percent better lives. But they certainly get considered a lot more than, let's say me.

I do have a physical disability - can't walk without an assistive device, mainly ride around on a scooter - and I have a mental one, too.

I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE!!

That isn't what I said. Please don't put words into my mouth. I tried to explain what I really meant. So don't be an ass about it.

What words do you think have been put into your mouth?

^Was talking to Arthur.

I am not saying that the people with physical people are the luckiest. I am just saying in that moment with an argument with my friend, while they were saying physical disabilities were different and that they have something physically wrong. And that I have the choice to fix what is wrong with me. That I was a little envious.

Because I know this is a major view of everybody around me.

Most physical disabilities are not visible.
People see me and expect me to be able to do everything they can because I don't look sick. People with invisible disabilities are often accused of 'faking it,' they are chided for not being capable of doing things healthy people can do, and they get nasty looks/notes/words for using the services they require (like handicap parking). Another common misconception is that all wheelchair users are paralyzed. There are many who use wheelchairs (or other mobility devices) part-time when they need it.

Please visit the link below to learn more.
https://invisibledisabilities.org/educate/invisibleawareness/

It's extremely rare for someone with a visible disability to be treated cruelly,

It's extremely common for someone with an invisible disability to be treated cruelly.

I actually do have a physical disability that is not visible. I don't envy those that have a more visible disability, because they are likely worse off than I am physically.

Your friend sounds like a real jerk. I really don't care what people think of my ASD. I know the truth, those who are informed know the truth, and everyone else who doesn't believe it's a disability is ignorant.

I would hate to be in a wheelchair. It would make people instantaneously treat me differently, only based on my appearance. It would be so hard to get around. I'd need special access points to get inside businesses, and have to use a special bathroom. It would take forever to get dressed, or shower, and I'd be unable to do many things that I love doing. And then I'd have to have special van, and have to use devices to reach things. Life would be so much harder. I'd much rather have ASD.

I must say that I do not have pure Asperger's. I have probably a mix of asperger's and psychosis and some other truely nasty crap you which is making my life a true hell. and a totally crappy life story ads some really tasty spice to it too.
If I would have to have an illness that would go on like this for the rest of my life and wont get any better I actually wish that it at least would be DEADLY.

I don't see this disagreement between you and your friend as a sign that your friend is not your friend.
It seems to me that disagreements on topics don't necessarily mean such.
Friend does not mean agreeing on all topics.
Your friend has a different opinion on this topic from you and most people here.
Perhaps he does not understand much about mental disabilities, which leads him to have his opinion.
Perhaps he has encountered people who do use mental disability as excuse, I am sure there are such people in the world.
Mental disabilities are highly varied and whether they can be overcome or moderated is variable too.
Neurodegenerative diseases probably cannot be overcome through efforts of the person who has them, as neurons are dying, and circuits are breaking down.
Mental retardation seems to set certain limits that cannot be overcome.
Something like autism is more complex and ambiguous.
Taking one aspect of autism like social disability, I would say that deficits in spontaneous social cognition cannot be overcome, but can be moderated if the person is able to learn some skills explicitly and practice them in the world.
To answer the question of the thread, I definitely don't have physical disability envy and don't want to be physically disabled in any way.

That's not true at all. Your claims are unsubstantiated and hurtful to the people who have received poor treatment and abuse for their visible disabilities. With just a few minutes spent searching online, I found thousands of cases of abuse.
This is just one of many, and I've been hearing about this sort of thing happening for years:


We should all be in this together. No matter what kind of disability you have, you are apart of the disabled community, where we all should be supporting each other.

I know you were, but this is a public forum and I'm curious about why you would call somebody here an ass, when they hadn't said anything wrong. I figured if you're being that prickly in real life, maybe your friend just got angry and said what he did to get back at you for it. But I thought maybe I've missed something, that's why I invited you to explain your thinking.

We all have to stop this "who has it worse?" game.

Nobody has it that great!