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C2V
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09 Feb 2016, 9:54 pm

I am usually perceived as strong, and oddly, often for autism-related traits.
I had a few major surgeries recently, and bounced back within a few days when everyone told me I would be sore and in bed for weeks. I refused any assistance, did not want anyone involved, drove myself to and from surgery, didn't want any visitors or support. I only told a few people for logistical reasons, such as I would miss appointments and so on because I would be in hospital.
People told me I'm stronger than average. But from my perspective, it's both more complex and more straight forward.
I was out of bed because I have a reduced ability to feel pain. Thus, it didn't hurt me as much as it would someone else. I'm alexithymic, so I did not consciously feel fear, anxiety, stress, etc so I did not have to worry about or endure that to complicate things. Similarly, I did not require emotional support because I don't understand the point of that very well.
I see things differently, so what may be disastrous to someone else - such as homelessness - is no problem for me given I have logistical mechanisms in place to ensure I don't die.
To me it's not strength, it's difference. Because of course, there is the other side, where I may be made "weaker" by my autism traits - I find working nearly impossible because it is a social minefield I don't understand. Where someone else may think it's so easy to work a basic job like a cafe or bar, I would not function in that environment.
I have issues with noise, bad sleeping issues, speaking, etc. I also will react badly to being trapped or tied down.
It is frustrating to be able to do things normal people would find very hard to deal with with ease because of autism-related difference, but also things that others find so simple, I often can't do.
Do others perceive you as strong, or not? How do you interpret your limitations and strengths?


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kraftiekortie
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09 Feb 2016, 9:56 pm

I'm neither particularly strong, nor particularly weak.



Ashariel
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09 Feb 2016, 10:05 pm

I'm strong for having survived 10 times more crap than the average person faces in a lifetime. But on the other hand, it's my blundering, naive, clueless, autistic 'weakness' that got me into those situations to begin with.



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10 Feb 2016, 3:44 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I'm strong for having survived 10 times more crap than the average person faces in a lifetime. But on the other hand, it's my blundering, naive, clueless, autistic 'weakness' that got me into those situations to begin with.

Me too :roll:


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nick007
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11 Feb 2016, 3:35 am

I'm weak & have a low tolerance to pain. I am working on getting into better shape thou, mostly for health reasons.


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ToughDiamond
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11 Feb 2016, 8:26 am

I'm quite proud of how I've responded at times, when people have tried to push me around. A long time ago at work my boss tried to physically push me - I just silently held my ground and looked at her with a faint smile on my face. We got on better after that. I've been told I have "quiet strength," and I rather like that. I wouldn't judge myself as objectively "strong" but a feeling that I'm a rather tough nut to crack helps my self-confidence. Of course that's all about reaction. When it comes to being proactive, I'm somewhat ashamed of myself, though I have my moments. I got my first girlfriend by calling on her out of the blue - somebody had told me that she liked me but my cowardly attempts to set up a date via a go-between had fallen through, somebody advised me to go and see her, I rejected the idea at first but after a few hours of pessimistic misery I somehow decided to make some waves. It was really exciting to take the bull by the horns like that. But it's rare that I do.



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11 Feb 2016, 9:12 am

Strength is a very relative idea. Some people have it much more difficult than others. Does their higher tolerance to hardships make them stronger? People who haven't been through much will struggle with less severe hardships, but they struggle equally. Does struggling make you strong? If so, everyone is strong because we all struggle with things.

Personally, I believe we all do what we can. We were given our genetic material and coincidentally our talents at conception, and we just try to make things work with that. I don't believe there's more to it.



mr_bigmouth_502
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11 Feb 2016, 9:52 am

I've been called strong willed, but in fact I actually think I am quite weak, both physically and mentally. People also tend to tell me I'm too hard on myself.


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BeaArthur
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11 Feb 2016, 10:03 am

I've been called strong, but that has often worked against me. Because I studied assertiveness as a skill, sometimes social things were easier for me, but then family members expected me to always do them. I allowed myself to be the "bad guy" parent so my "weaker" partner wouldn't have to discipline the kids ... something I resent to this day. One time in grad school a peer referred to my great social skills and I told her that my social skills are actually quite poor, thanks for the compliment anyway.

So I dropped out, and she completed the program. And one of my adult children is estranged from me because I was the "bad guy" parent. Not great outcomes.


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TheAP
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11 Feb 2016, 10:12 am

I feel like I am weak because I have meltdowns easily and am scared of a lot of things. Sometimes I feel whiny when I realize that most people on this forum have probably gone through more than me. I've been told (by my parents) that I'm very stoic when I'm sick, but really I have a low tolerance to pain. But really, I 100% agree with selflessness.



electrictype
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11 Feb 2016, 10:35 am

emotionally, no
physically, yes


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EzraS
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11 Feb 2016, 11:58 am

Yes and no.

I do have a lot of psychical strength to where I accidentally break things because I apply too much force. And I can cause some major damage during a ballistic meltdown if I am not restrained properly.

But I am also feeble and need help with things like walking down stairs and getting in and out of a vehicle.

I also am strong in getting over illness, injury and surgery.

But I have also been called fragile because I am prone to injuries and have had ongoing illnesses my whole life.

Strong because I can stand up to a lot and am a fighter. But also have lots of shutdowns and unable to function in a lot of areas.



Starfoxx
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11 Feb 2016, 12:34 pm

I totally understand that and can relate to you. Im pretty much that way too and people have said im strong but i wouldnt really say so i guess im more stubborn than anything. Nowadays i do try to ask for help if i need it because a lot of people say i go to extremes and never ask for help even if it would be better if i got it.



BeaArthur
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11 Feb 2016, 12:43 pm

Starfoxx wrote:
I totally understand that and can relate to you. Im pretty much that way too and people have said im strong but i wouldnt really say so i guess im more stubborn than anything. Nowadays i do try to ask for help if i need it because a lot of people say i go to extremes and never ask for help even if it would be better if i got it.

Asking for help, when appropriate, is a sign of strength and not weakness.


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Jo_B1_Kenobi
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11 Feb 2016, 1:45 pm

I think I'm weak in some areas and strong in others. I'm morally very strong. I have no problem doing what I think is right even if others don't do it. I'm physically weaker and struggle with stress, anxiety and illness. I guess it depends of how you define strong?

Thinking of this subject I love the Hemmingway quote which goes:
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places."

I like the idea of building up strength from experiences which haven't necessarily gone well.


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