An important point for the way I think

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beneficii
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17 Feb 2016, 2:40 am

When I saw a psychologist last Wednesday, he said for homework I needed to call 3 people to try to rent a room from. I only called 2, and those 2 calls had nothing to do with his "homework." I see him again tomorrow. I was thinking back to when I agreed to the homework, and realized that in the moment I was trying to play nice, and be social and agreeable. I do this, as I was taught, because I wanna play nice with people and get back to doing what I enjoy: Solitary activities. I never seem to view such agreements as actually imposing constraints on what it is I do; rather, it was just my way of playing nice because that seemed the most straightforward way to deal with the problem.

This is interesting, and I suspect it's still related to my ASD...


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kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2016, 6:46 am

What you're doing makes sense. Sometimes, in life, you have to "play nice." It's a lot better than arguing all the time. I don't think it's phony to "play nice." I don't think you're "selling out."

I hope you get a nice room soon.



helloarchy
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17 Feb 2016, 8:24 am

It might be beneficial for you to tell your Psychologist that. They only know what you tell them, they aren't telepathic, so share everything you can. It could open up a whole new area of therapy for you, rather than you simply trying to amuse him/her by "playing nice".



ToughDiamond
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17 Feb 2016, 10:51 am

He seems rather prescriptive. I get the "playing nice" thing, people usually like to please each other.



BeaArthur
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17 Feb 2016, 12:00 pm

Maybe the guy is just trying to get a roof over your head. Ever think of that?


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Sweetleaf
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17 Feb 2016, 1:37 pm

How is the psychologist going to help you if you constantly 'play nice' with them in the sense that you just say what you think they want to hear as to not disappoint?

If 3 calls to try and rent a room wasn't something you could do, then it's better to tell them that so they know what they are actually working with. I mean is it avoidance or anxiety that can be coped with or is it so bad you're unable to make the calls on your own and need some outside help? But yeah they cant help you if you aren't honest with them.


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Feyokien
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17 Feb 2016, 1:49 pm

Reminds me of the last time I saw a therapist. He was getting me to sign up for more sessions and externally I was agreeing with him, but inside I'd already made up my mind I wasn't going back.



ToughDiamond
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17 Feb 2016, 2:22 pm

Feyokien wrote:
Reminds me of the last time I saw a therapist. He was getting me to sign up for more sessions and externally I was agreeing with him, but inside I'd already made up my mind I wasn't going back.

I think it's a normal thing, people say yes when they mean no, just to be polite, and nobody bats an eyelid. Seems a shame when it's therapy, as that should be a more genuine exchange, but if it's not working out, may as well put a gloss on things while closing the door. OTOH if there is hope in the therapy, it's probably better to speak one's mind, otherwise it could make the therapist overconfident and committed to strategies that aren't working. I think a lot of this kind of thing happens because of a deeply-learned sense that whitecoats are an authority. I try hard to see them simply as advisers, but it's against my programming so it can be a struggle, and in my experience it's sometimes against their programming too.



androbot01
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17 Feb 2016, 2:49 pm

beneficii wrote:
I was thinking back to when I agreed to the homework, and realized that in the moment I was trying to play nice, and be social and agreeable. I do this, as I was taught, because I wanna play nice with people and get back to doing what I enjoy: Solitary activities.

I do this too. Plus with therapists I find a lot of what they do to be patronizing and unhelpful. I've played along with a few before too mostly because I needed them for prescriptions.