Doing One Thing and Saying Another

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Do Aspie people have a problem with people who say one thing and do another?

Im not talking about hypocrites here - people who berate you for doing what they do, those are something else, and Im not talking about people who tell you off for doing one thing while letting someone else do another. That gets me really annoyed.

No Im talking about people who say one thing and do another. It really impacts for me in relationships. I had a girlfriend. Once. She said she loved me. But there were always too many negative traits. Too many times she brushed me aside to go running around after her other friends.

I couldn't correlate what was going on. I thought she was a psychopath. Seemed like typical behaviour.

But more recently, I've been exploring friendships (and it's true to say that the behaviour I see seems to be more in women), but for example, they say they're friends, say we should get a meal, or a drink, but then they don't add you as a friend on Facebook, and the meal and the drink never materialises.

If only they knew how much that drink, or that meal would actually solidify the friendship.

Im trying to believe what they say, but cannot correlate what they're doing in the context of what they're saying. It's like they're two different beings. Im not saying we actually have to have a meal, or have a drink, or even add each other on Facebook. But I want to know why, because I cannot correlate the two states.

I've started seeing more people as psychopaths recently.

It's only since thinking that actually, my thinking must be wrong. These people aren't psychopaths. No one else has a problem. It's my problem. Why it's my problem, Im not quite sure. What diagnosis it fits under, I don't know.

Why do I feel like this?
Why do I feel like this about some people and not others?
What do I need from these people to feel safe and comfortable and secure without making their life a misery and giving responsibility to them to look after a grown baby (me).

I feel a need that I other people have to know me, know my foibles, and help me. Im not controlling. I want to connect with people. I don't know how. I need someone to help. I need someone else to take the lead!

Sociopaths only make up about 1-4% of the general population, and the majority are men. It's unlikely that the women you are interacting with are all sociopaths.

People lie for various reasons. Many times it's to avoid confrontation, or to be polite. Sometimes it's to avoid hurting feelings.

It's possible that these people do not actually think of you as their friend. It's also possible that they are just too busy to make time for these things.

What about psychopaths? They're not the same as sociopaths?

But what if they really are friends, but Im say, focussing on the negative? That my lack of understanding is impacting upon the acceptance?

Im not even saying that they're lying. They've said something, which for one reason or another, hasn't occurred, and I think negatively about it because I have no other information with which to reframe my understanding of it. So, the examples previously, if someone had said "I don't add men to Facebook" fair enough. Or, I don't know how you would explain why someone would suggest getting a drink and then not getting a drink. People hide behind the busy excuse. Which really doesn't make any sense to me. Just open your calendar! Find the next free date. Done.

These are people who have no problems with anyone else, or anywhere else. And who Im sure they engage in similar behaviour with others "Im too busy". It seems Im the only one who perceives a problem. I either take it personally and think I've got the problem, or I think they've got the problem. It would seem though that from my observation, they don't have a problem.