NT / AS: different self-representation? - POLL

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I wonder if NT and AS would have a different self-representation system:

When i look at NTs around me, my view of NT is that they:
1. appreciate compliments from others, especially from people they admire or high position,
2. rarely question the compliments they receive,
3. are sad when receiving negative comments,
4. need that others see what they do and tell them that what they do is good.

I am autistic and i :
1. do not particularly appreciate compliments from others, it does not depend on: if i admire the person or the person has high position,
2. always question the compliments received,
3. always happy to benefit from negative comments, so i can improve,
4. do not need that others see what i do and tell me that what i do is good.

I would like to know if you are NT / AS
and how many NT / AS points you get in the descriptions above ?

I appreciate compliments and don't question them very often, but I do like it when people are honest with me. If that leads to negativity, I'm fine with it as it helps me improve. I don't understand why NTs can't handle that; don't they want to better themselves too?

I am AS.

1. I love getting compliments, especially from people I admire. I don't really care about the person's position.

2. Sometimes I self-doubt and wonder if the compliment wasn't true, but I try not to question it too much, as that would ruin my enjoyment of it.

3. A lot of the time I am sad when receiving negative comments. Not always, though. If the feedback is paired with praise and delivered in a nice tone then I generally won't mind it.

4. I like being told that something I do is good, but it can be embarrassing too sometimes.

I find that for all of these, it's very situation-dependent, so I can't actually answer this. My reaction to these sorts of things depends on the people involved and what the circumstances are.

The only exception is 4, where I have a heavy bent towards what's the "NT" side for the purposes of this poll. That maybe has to do more with depression than autism. I'm extremely self-critical and do need people to pull me out of it.

I generally don't handle direct compliments very well. I do appreciate them when they're directed at my work, rather than at me as a person.

Diagnosed AS - I feel uncomfortable with direct compliments. I prefer situations where I can infer (from lack of criticism) that what I'm doing is okay. If I get criticized, I feel bad that I did something unacceptable, because I didn't understand where the social boundaries were.

I'm diagnosed, and I tend to be a very harsh critic of myself. People tell me that I do well at things and that I'm too hard on myself, but I often think they're telling me that just to make me feel better. Interestingly, when people get on my case about things, I tend to get VERY defensive, and I cannot stand "constructive criticism", partly because it emphasizes my own faults, and causes me to criticize myself even more.

Overall, I tend to have a low opinion of myself and my skills, and I find it very hard to believe when anyone tells me otherwise. However, when people do the opposite, then it sets off a chain reaction where I feel even MORE down on myself.

I am diagnosed with ASD.


1. I appreciate compliments from others, if the compliments are genuine, deserved, and about something I actually care about. I appreciate these compliments because it is good for my self-esteem, and because genuine compliments are a kind gesture from another person.

2. I mentally analyze the compliments I receive, to determine whether they are genuine, deserved, or important to me. I don't usually literally question them.

3. I can receive constructive criticism and respond in a reasonable manner. Sometimes my feelings may be hurt, but I'm practical enough to know when it's necessary. I was not like this when I was younger. I was very sensitive to criticism then.

4. I don't need others to tell me what I do is good all the time, but I do have trouble recognizing when I am doing a good job, so input from others is beneficial. And I have terrible self-esteem anyway, so it can help to have positive feedback.

I am autistic BUT I
1. appreciate compliments from others, but only if genuine, and especially for jobs that took a lot of effort
2. OFTEN question the compliments I receive, although I've learned to keep my doubts to myself
3. am sad when receiving negative comments, and I struggle to take criticism constructively
4. need that others see what I do and tell me that what I do is good.

The reason for this is that I have really bad self esteem issues, and I tend to think I'm not doing well unless someone tells me I am doing okay.

Ok, having thought about this a little more I'll try it again.

I'm diagnosed.

1. I lean towards the autistic side of your poll system here, Laeti. As I said earlier, I don't handle compliments well if they're direct. They tend to unnerve me. However, I really like getting compliments on something I've done. It does kind of matter how I feel about the person. A compliment from someone I consider a mentor or role model is a big deal for me. So, I think AS side on this one.
2. Very firmly AS here. I absolutely do tend to question compliments, though I almost never do so openly; I'll do it in my head or very obliquely so it does not seem like I'm ungrateful.
3. This one's a wash. I do like when people are honest in their praise or criticism of me and my actions, but that doesn't mean I feel good about negative comments.
4. I tend towards the NT side on this one. I'm very people-oriented in my outlook on life, and I do have a need for feedback on the things I do to try and help people. When someone tells me how helpful I've been to them it's a huge deal for me. I will still do what I feel is the right thing if nobody says anything about it, but I feel better when they do.

So to sum up:

1. AS
2. AS
3. tie
4. NT

Hope that's useful for you!

I really think that these questions have less to do with autism, and more to do with self-esteem, particularly numbers 4 and 5.

A person with higher self-esteem ( genuine self-esteem, not a superiority complex or narcissism) will not need compliments, will be able to accept constructive criticism, and will not need to be seen doing something well to feel good about him/herself.

Such a person would accept genuine compliments, but would not depend upon them for a positive self-image.

1. I like approval from people I like, I tend to dislike people in high positions.
2. I usually wonder whether the compliments I get are valid - they might be fake, and they might be based on poor understanding. To some extent compliments are like water off a duck's back, in my case.
3. I don't like negative comments as such but I understand their value.
4. I'm always interested in sincere, intelligent feedback about what I'm doing.

Yes, narcissism seems like high self-esteem, but is actually a protective mechanism for very low self-esteem.

My self-esteem is based on both. I would have had normal, good self-esteem, but had such horrible childhood experiences and bad experiences in adulthood, that I now feel like a worthless person.

I don't know how I would be if I hadn't had these bad experiences. I'm not sure if self-esteem is really all that different for NTs and people with high-functioning ASD. Perhaps those with ASD need less feedback from others because they are less social, but many with ASD do desire social relationships and are just not able to form healthy ones as easily.