"Obsessive Behavior"

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Here's how my obsessions were when I was younger. When I was young, I obsessed over different languages, and at age 7 I was able to write a children's book in egyptian, mandarin and russian. I also obsessed over naruto, and made my own moves and weapons. I also had other stuff that I kind of obsessed over, like origami and learning all the digits of pi.

Over the years though I feel my obsessions in things have become less strict and more just general, which makes me wonder if this isn't me anymore. Like, right now my main interest is League of Legends. I am a pretty high level player on there, and think about the game constantly. Usually I will play one champion at a time and read every single guide/ watch every single video on them that I can. When something goes wrong i'm usually not myself, and have hit holes in walls and other stuff including hurting myself to take out the anger.

I just want to know what exactly makes something obsesive behavior in an autistic sense, because what I just described in League is something I know atleast some non-autistic individuals could relate to.

Hi, oSovereign,

I've heard of some people on the spectrum saying some of their obsessions seem to become more "generalized" as they age, or for the obsessions to feel "less intense" in ways than they used to. I used to have obsessions that would seriously encompass all aspects of my life, doing things like writing stories about the interest, talking nearly nonstop about the interest, wanting to watch shows and movies only about the interest, etc. Obsessions aren't quite so intense for me anymore, but I do find I can get sucked into them and stay there for long periods of time, and if I'm not careful, it can be an issue in that I lose track of time or can't focus on other things. Things like Japanese kanji, Tamagotchi, certain video games, and, at the moment, reading about ASD, can sidetrack me quite easily. My vision does feel a bit "wider," so to speak, but I still find my thoughts going back to my interests and relating other things to them. I can talk about other things, but I get much more excited, much more interested when I'm talking about my interests. Normally I'm kind of "flat," but I've heard people say I seem to "light up" when talking about my interests.

It's possible for people to be kind of addicted to games and behave in ways like you mentioned without being autistic, but the way you mention reading all the guides and videos makes it seem like you're approaching it differently than someone simply addicted to the game would. Someone addicted to the game may respond with rage when things don't go the way they want, but I don't think that playing the game is really enjoyable for them anymore, even if they think it is. I also don't think that methodological approach to playing and learning about each champion is typical of simple addiction. I mention addiction because I don't believe most NTs would respond so strongly to things going wrong without that kind of dependence on the game. I'm not sure of exactly what goes wrong that leads to your reactions, and it might help to have some solid examples of those, but the things you report sound pretty characteristic of obsessions to me.

1) You think about it almost constantly
2) You have an organized way of doing it that you seem to enjoy
3) You become very upset when something goes wrong

I wouldn't automatically assume every person who has these traits regarding their interests is on the spectrum, but these things do seem characteristic. An NT who is "obsessed" with a game may feel the need to play it a lot or get upset when something goes wrong, but you also seem to have a lot going on about the game, like reading guides and watching videos, and your organized approach is something I think others might only use as a way to improve their skills. An NT obsessed at this level is probably getting addicted, and while someone on the spectrum could be addicted, as well, that addiction kind of saps the enjoyment from the experience, and it sounds like you're still very much enjoying it. You may recognize your involvement with the game as pretty intense, but there's no distress unless something goes wrong, and it doesn't sound like you feel the need to stop.

Also, even if you don't feel your obsessions are as intense as they used to be, there's still going to be a quality to them that others don't normally experience. Do you feel a certain kind of happiness while engaged in your interests you don't find elsewhere, and a certain kind of magnetic pull to them that you find hard to explain? Do your interests feel almost like a "safe place," or like something you could seriously learn about or engage in all day with no regrets? I think that is the core of these "obsessions"; this is what seems to lead to the behavior that others use to identify them, and while these behaviors may change, the way we feel about our interests does not.