Family Problems....

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I am new to this fourm so hello,
My dad has recently left me, my mum and brother for another woman who lived in our house that we rent out. My mum found out a while ago and let him come back, but recently found that there was over 100 texts to her (through his online call log). This other woman is a low-life scumbag, she is possibly on benefits (and possibly a benefit cheat). She works in a fish and chip shop (maybe all cash in hand). I obviously has Aspergers (and all the problems that come along with it) and my mum has MS... Neither me or my mum work (... cannot find work, still looking, but is hard due to AS), although my brother works in a full-time job. My mum, brother and I all think that he's depressed and has actually threatened suicide twice. My mum forced him to go to the doctors with her and the doctor says "he's not depressed, just the pressure of my Aspergers, my mum's MS and his mother alzimers has caused all of this. He even said to me why don't I live with her (... secretly so they can get my Disability Living Allowance). She is an evil cow and I think is just in it for the money. My dad says he cannot get her out of his head, and says he is bored at home. But he is just running away from all his problems and when there at that house with her they are just going to spiral out of control. I think he may even commit suicide or even become violent towards the other woman and their family: He even lies to her saying that "he isn't suicidal". Personally, I cannot see the realtionship working out because he moved out before and said that he hated and said if he had to go back there he's kill himself. But now he's done exactly the sae thing. That family just like drinking and going out to the pub... some are probably on drugs...

I just don't know what to do... please help.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such difficult circumstances. This would be hard for anyone to cope with, but this is especially so if you and your other family members have health complications as well, and so I admire your courage in bringing this to the forum. I have not been in the exact situation you have described, but I do know what it's like when your family is torn apart through circumstances that are beyond your control. Firstly, it sounds as if your father may be trying to escape from the pressures that exist within the family home, and this is sadly more common than many realise. Secondly, it sounds as though this other woman is a manipulator of the highest order, which complicates things even further.

If I were in your situation, the first thing I would do would be to seek outside intervention. I would suggest that either you or your mother speak to the family GP as a matter of urgency about mediation or family counselling. And I would definitely include your father in this, if at all possible. In addition to this, there are self-help options that could allow you to reduce the emotional impact of your situation. One that I have personally used with a great deal of success (and would recommend highly) can be found on the website listed below, and one of the most effective tools available in this programme is actually free of charge. I hope this advice is of some help to you and your family. The self-help programme can be found at:

http://www.pstec.org

If you need any specific details as to use of the programme, either for yourself or your other family members, please feel free to send me a PM and I will do my best to advise you. I hope that that you are able to resolve your situation in a positive way.

I'm not sure what kind of help you want. gkk7z wrote a good general post. As to your specific family story ... I had some difficulty tracking which pronouns referred to which persons. And I'm not sure that matters, the general picture is one of chaos and turmoil.

In all that is going on in your home, I would just urge you to take care of your own mental health. Try not to let the fault-lines of anger and betrayal settle themselves on you. Although hard, it is possible to maintain compassion for the various players without totally taking sides. Any time you blame "everything" on one person or one factor, you will be missing the complexity of the situation. For your own mental health, try some meditative practices (deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, yoga) and make sure you maintain some friendships outside the home, if possible. Get some pleasurable events in your current life and your near future, to keep a happy tone to your experience. It could be as simple as going for a walk and enjoying the landscaping and architecture you encounter. These actions are not selfish merely, but will enable you to help others in the family make the best of the situation.

Thanks 'gkk7z'. Yes, she is a maliputive cowbag (...but also is he at times). She's just in it for the money IMO. Now that he's living in the house that we rent out she doesn't pay rent. I cannot understand why he has suddenly decided to go back to her: he has said that they are dirty, scumbag low-lives, benefit cheats, their kid (aged 14) has tattoos (illegally), smokes, (possibly) does drugs etc... She doesn't cook, clean, or iron his clothes when he was there, because of that he begged and started crying (even threatening suicide) begging to come back the last time. He refuses to take his clothes or belonings with him (I think as a backup plan incase he can't stand it in there anymore). When I asked hi where he hated it more (here or there) he said he hated it there and if he went back there he'd commit suicide. His voice and accent has even changed now (sounding like a wigger), a white man pretending to be black. I think he's completely lost it... and could probably go down the suicide route.