The Narrator

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Hi All,

I was talking to the counsellor I'm seeing earlier today about something that really piqued my interest, and I just wondered what insight anyone else might have - out of curiosity as much as anything else.

I am renowned for talking to myself - luckily, colleagues at my last job were very understanding. I can sort of keep it in if I try, but once I get embroiled in a task, it's never very long before I start doing it out loud (usually expletives directed at modern technology). I get caught out all the time when I'm out walking and think I'm alone.

OK, so talking to yourself is common enough. The thing is, though, there's more to it than that. When I'm being productive, I'm invariably narrating everything I do constantly. I'm starting to think that it's maybe a coping tactic I developed when I was younger to overcome some of my executive function deficits. It's like the 'channel' in my brain that would normally send the command is faulty, so I need to "hear" myself "tell me" to do the thing, and describe why I'm doing it, as a way around the blockage.

Familiar to anyone?

Yeah...I self-narrate, too.

Yes, I do talk to myself, like I am 3 people having a discussion.
Sometimes my 3 selves analyze and criticize each other.
I think I am able to hide this behaviour from others.

"Yet, as previously hinted, this omnitooled, open-and-shut carpenter, was, after all, no mere machine of an automaton. If he did not have a common soul in him, he had a subtle something that somehow anomalously did its duty. What that was, whether essence of quicksilver, or a few drops of hartshorn, there is no telling. But there it was; and there it had abided for now some sixty years or more. And this it was, this same unaccountable, cunning life-principle in him; this it was, that kept him a great part of the time soliloquizing; but only like an unreasoning wheel, which also hummingly soliloquizes; or rather, his body was a sentry-box and this soliloquizer on guard there, and talking all the time to keep himself awake."

http://etcweb.princeton.edu/batke/moby/moby_107.html

Yeah I talk to myself all the time too, more so at work than at home. It's like I'm verbally directing myself. I am sure I do it, at least in part, to help with executive function. I have a hard time staying on task and my attention goes every which way.

I do it quietly but I'm sure my cube farm neighbors hear it from time to time.

Not only do I talk to myself, I mumble what sounds like gibberish.

What the hell is going on with the damned captcha. It keeps making me sign and losing the messages.

Ok...trying again.

I have found out I talk when I am not aware of it. Also make strange noises. I've caught myself thinking of something and it's just come out vocally. I'm not happy about that at all. I have enough trouble with the too much info thing as it is. What if the completely unfiltered thoughts come out and it's misconstrued?

I'm actually a bit paranoid about being around people because of that.

I only narrate aloud when I'm finding something tricky.

"One, pick a plate to pick up. Two, pick up the plate. Three, put it in the water."

But I narrate in my head quite frequently.

Thanks for all your comments. I had a feeling I wouldn't be alone in linking this with executive functioning - and a link to some fine literature as well!

It interest me in particular, I think, because I was only diagnosed a few weeks ago, and I'm trying to fathom out new boundaries for my behaviour around other people. Trying to "pass" just can't go on for me - I am simply not willing to tolerate another burn out from the exhaustion of it, and as I age, it affects my physical health more and more.

I'm out of work at the moment, but I really, really do want to work again as soon as possible. If my constant chatter is an essential coping mechanism for being a productive employee, then I feel I need to explore that a bit more - to either find a less intrusive way of achieving the same focus, or to look for a work environment where it is more likely to be tolerated.