Boss demands I change immediately AS symptoms

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I've been 3 months on this new job. My boss called me and scolded me severely, demanded I change (her list of complaints corresponds exactly to the list of autistic traits) immediately or I'm fired. I can't disclose because it's an "at-will" job. Should I resign?

She might as well demand that you grow a pair of wings. Looks like you can only choose between resigning and being fired.

That can be considered as discrimination, maybe ? (I'm not sure so that's why it's a real question as well as possible advice)

If there are provisions for receiving unemployment benefits it's probably better to wait until terminated and then file a claim. Hopefully there is some kind of paper trail that can help back up your case. What usually happens with companies is that after 90 days they have to start paying benefits to their workers, so they will often conjure up an excuse on Day 89 as to how the employee was not 'a good fit'

She can not claim discrimination because she did not disclose. Not that I am neccesarly advocating disclosing because that very well might have precluded her from bieng hired in the first place. But without disclosing her boss has every reason to think of her AS traits as charactor flaws that could be fixed by trying harder. Another option is attempting to pass. This may or may not be possible and as we know it can lead to burnout and mental issues. Having a boss with her own deficits in people skills makes it all the more difficult. If she can pull it off for awhile she will have more money to deal with bieng unemployed.

Really sucks that these really bad options are often the only choices available to autistics, but that is how it is.

Thank you all so much! You've helped me a lot. First, because you guys are the only ones who understand my situation. And also because you validate my thoughts and feelings. I was feeling alone in the world with my problem. Which also compounds with having no real friends or relatives, and no money. I've decided on a strange career path: go from job to job and do my best in each till I (inevitably) get fired. I've had jobs where I was fired only after 5-6 years, and I only have 6-10 years to retirement, so who knows, I may make it... I feel very weird that I'm basically fooling potential bosses at interviews because I have an inherent "flaw" for the job that I'm not disclosing. But mentioning autism would make me unemployable for any job in this country.

If you are in the United States, you cannot be fired for disclosing you have AS, even in an at-will state. Protected classes, including disabilities, trump any at-will policy. It is possible to be fired for other reasons, but autism spectrum disorder is considered a disability and is covered by the Americans With Disabilities Act. From what I understand, many other countries have similar laws, but you'll need to research that, perhaps with a local autism advocacy organization.

I did disclosure last year and it went really well, although I had not gotten to the point of being told I might be fired. I had been reprimanded pretty severely, one of many times, and had gotten a poor performance review.

You MUST have an official diagnosis for this to work, and have it in writing from the psychologist. I approached the disability specialist in my company's human resources department first, and we talked about possible strategies. One strategy that I hadn't thought of was to have HR tell my boss that I had a disability that caused these symptoms, without telling her what the disability was. I didn't think it would be taken seriously that way, so I decided to tell my boss everything. The HR representative was there to support me and explain how things worked.

If you do disclose, I strongly recommend you have a list of specific accommodations you are asking for. It's not good enough to say, "I have AS, so I'm going to be tactless or frustrated sometimes." Think of things that your boss can do to make it easier to do your job, but also think of ways that you can accommodate your boss's needs too. For example, here is what I asked for:
- Any new policy be put in writing, since I have trouble remembering spoken instructions
- In meetings, try not to talk at the same time as someone else--my verbal processing issues turn it into nonsense when everyone talks at once
- Get me a project management software tool like Microsoft Project or OmniPlan so I can manage milestones and deadlines on big, long-term projects
- Help me find a mentor who can coach me on those people skills--how to talk to clients, deliver bad news, ask tough questions, etc.

I didn't want it all to be about what my boss can do for me--I want to meet her halfway and not burden her too much. We discussed things I can do to avoid some of the problems I'd gotten into:
- Have her or another senior worker review my job estimates, since I go over budget a lot
- Don't over-promise to clients until I make sure we can deliver
- Ask her or another senior worker to review emails or ask their advice about a situation if the topic is really sensitive--so i don't say the wrong thing and offend somebody. I can be overly critical and frank.

We have meetings once every two weeks as a status check, to see if I have any big issues or questions about new policies.

If you live in the States, contact an Autism group and seek legal advice.

You might also sue her for violating the rights of a person with a disability.

She's demanding that a blind person see or that a deaf person hear.

If you live in another country, there may be similar laws that you can call on for protection.

You say you "can't" say you're autistic because it's an "at-will" job. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN? Are you afraid to admit to your autism because you fear being fired? By law, she can't keep you living in fear like this.

I say seek legal advice. Don't give up and quit. She's got no business treating an employee this way, let alone someone with a disability. Contact an Autism group immediately and ask for help.

I think you got really lucky. There are companies that accept and even embrace people with disabilities. But still a lot if probably most companies hire HR people for the unstated purpose to find loopholes to get around the laws. Most of the time it is as simple as that person did not fit our company culture, or was incompetent. Because of the law every company employment manual has language saying they do not discriminate. Some even advertise it. Then they go about finding a way to hire and fire who they want.

I hate to be so negative here but there is the issue of blacklisting so called trouble makers. Few companies these days will explicitly give a negative recommandation. What they will do is say when you are hired and fired and give no more informtion. If HR sees you have a lot of recommandations with only start and finish dates they will conclude something is wrong with you. A lot of the top people at companies in the same industry network. So late at night at the bar or on the golf course these people will tell the other people not to hire this person because he or she is a trouble maker.

It is a catch 22 situation. If nobody stands up and fights the status quo remains. But the person who stands up and fights takes a huge risk. I would be grossly negligent if I did not point out how the world really works and give a legal or idealized version of how the world works. Obvoiusly if you have have a family you have more to lose by standing up and employers know that.

Do you take your autistic nature (both strengths and deficits) into account when you seek employment? You made it sound like it's no big surprise to you that your job is difficult in those very areas where your autistic behaviors would likely cause difficulties. And it also sounds like you've put yourself in that situation more than once.

Thinking to hold on just long enough from job to job sounds like you've been setting yourself up for failure. That said, I may very well be oversimplifying things. If you repeatedly seek such jobs because they are in an area of extreme interest to you, or because getting the highest-paying job is your highest priority, then going into a job with a high likelihood of failure is much more understandable. In any case, I wish you well in dealing with your current situation, and I hope things eventually work out OK with this job.

Jim, it's the same in every kind of job, my inability to intuitively grasp what works and doesn't work to get any specific employee's positive regard towards me that will ensure this employee's cooperation with my boss's goals. Being nice is not enough to influence people. At least in my country, a company has the right to claim that no accommodation is possible for this specific AS trait and that this trait is crucial for my job, and then it's legal to fire me. This trait is actually crucial for any work that includes contact with at least one human even once a month (whoever pays you), so there's no work I can do if I disclose.

One thing I've learned to do in any job I've ever had is to perform some useful task for your department/company that no one else is doing. What I mean is, if there is some task that can be done to make things better in the eyes of your co-workers, then do it, and make sure that your boss notices it. If possible, do it in such a way where you're not actually telling the boss "I did this," but do it so that its benefits are noticeable and it can end up known that YOU did it.

I started doing this as a way to cope with whatever may have frustrated me about the job. It's always been some task that I know I'll enjoy doing, so it's a "win-win" situation to me. I have had to be careful about it, as such tasks are not in my job description, so it's best they not consume a lot of time that keeps me from doing those things I am expected to do.

She has every right to treat her in this way. Only after she knows about the autism does she not have that right. Therefore you should disclose once you know how to legally disclose and with the laws applying to this issue.

It is no use resigning if you are likely to be fired.

I would take the opportunity to train to change one or two things which seem possible to change.

That way, it will be a good experience, it will prepare you for your future experiences.

You are very likely right about me being lucky. The company's leadership talks a lot about embracing diversity, including supporting people with disabilities and helping them excel. They had recently had a talk in which they encouraged people to check "yes" on disability for our diversity profile. The statistics are not reported to our managers but are reported to the government, which actually rewards Federal contractors for having more disabled people on the payroll.

I think it also has a lot to do with the sort of relationship I have with my immediate management, which is mostly good but marred by occasional episodes of bad judgement. They value my skills and hard work, and I've worked very hard to try to do the things they ask of me.

It sounds like the OP is not in the US, UK, or Commonwealth? It would be a good idea to contact a lawyer for advice and a local autistic person's advocacy group (one run by autistic people). She/he might also hire a job coach to help learn how to deal with people, or get a mentor within the company. You don't have to tell the mentor that your issues come from AS to ask about better ways to handle tough situations.

Its really hard to hear these criticisms and somethings are impossible to change.

However its part of being autistic, sometimes we need to Pass. My advice?

Disclose your diagnoses to your employer and try your best to make the changes she/he wants. But if she fires you due to the symptoms you CANT help; its discrimination and you can sue.

Remember if there are things you CANT help then theres nothing your or anyone can do. Sensory Sensitivities cannot be helped, You should have the right to stim but doing things like practicing basic social skills can be good for you.