Misunderstanding people / them misunderstanding you

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lyricalillusions
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31 Aug 2012, 2:31 pm

Is it common for people who have Asperger's (or ASD's, in general) to misunderstand what people mean when they say something? Or to have people misunderstand what they mean?
Possibly the biggest problem I have in communicating, either in person or online, is not understanding what people mean and being misunderstood by others. If things were more clear, I doubt I would have had all the problems I've had (and keep having) with others throughout the years.
I don't know if this is a problem of mine specifically, or if any of you, especially those of you with a diagnosis, can relate to it.


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AlreadyAgain
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31 Aug 2012, 2:38 pm

Although I am struggling with my AS diagnosis, I can answer this in terms of my own experiences. I am constantly misunderstanding the meanings of others. I usually laugh at inappropriate times because I thought someone was joking when they weren't. I misread when someone is angry and end up on their bad side because of it. I am always asking if someone is being sarcastic or not. It's funny because I seem to have no problems with interpreting intentions, expressions and emotions of those on TV and in movies, but when it comes to real life, I have more difficulty in that.

As for the other way around, I used to get into a lot of trouble for saying the wrong things when I didn't mean them like I said them. People have accused me of being rude or callous or just plain mean when I meant nothing of the sorts. To this day, I still get into fights sometimes with my husband because I said the wrong thing the wrong way.



Last edited by AlreadyAgain on 31 Aug 2012, 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sanctus
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31 Aug 2012, 2:39 pm

lyricalillusions wrote:
Is it common for people who have Asperger's (or ASD's, in general) to misunderstand what people mean when they say something? Or to have people misunderstand what they mean?


Yes, actually, this is one of the most common and important traits.



chris5000
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31 Aug 2012, 2:41 pm

this happens to me all the time. I always have to clarify things even when I say them in the simplest way. I have a really bad verbal memory.



analyser23
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31 Aug 2012, 4:02 pm

This thread might help a bit?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt207968.html



btbnnyr
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31 Aug 2012, 8:59 pm

Part of the nature of autism is a neverending series of misunderstandings with others who think verry merry berry differently from you, and you don't get how they think, and they don't get how you think either.



ADoyle90815
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31 Aug 2012, 9:08 pm

It's a very common thing, as it's happened to me as recently as my misunderstanding when my former boss said that they weren't able to schedule me meant I was laid off. My fear was that if I didn't call and they scheduled me and I didn't show up, I would be fired. In the end, last month someone from the agency that got me the job called to tell me that I was basically laid off. I do know that the misunderstanding was one of the traits I have of Asperger's, but I'm still going to get a good reference from that job.



Moondust
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31 Aug 2012, 9:15 pm

It's not simply "misunderstanding". It's that we aspies hear only 30% of the message (only the spoken part). Conversely, NTs mostly interpret our non-spoken message (they give it 70% weight). They don't know there's no non-spoken part to interpret in the case of aspies.


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GiantHockeyFan
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31 Aug 2012, 9:36 pm

Oh yes. I remember around Christmastime a co-worker offered me some candies. As silly as it sounds, I actually had to ask if you meant I could have the whole package because I had honestly had no clue either way. I'm sure it would be obvious to most people but I frequently miss such 'obvious' things due to my inability to understand most social cues.



CockneyRebel
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31 Aug 2012, 10:31 pm

That happens a lot between my mum and I.


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devochka
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28 Feb 2016, 3:16 pm

Wow, I just posted something related to this.



Knofskia
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28 Feb 2016, 6:23 pm

To all of the people in my life who misunderstand me: "Stop putting words in between my lines." :lol:


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