How can I prepare myself for a miserable sexless lonely life

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dmack18
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28 Feb 2016, 11:35 pm

Okay I have asperges and I hate it. So much so that I generally don't like being around autistic people (although I do have some friends with autism ironically) but in general I pretty much don't like autistic people. I find them annoying and repulsive. It's because I hate Austism.

My past was never good with aspergers never knew how to fit in and didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I annoyed or creeped the f**k out of people that every kid hated me and in high school I used to get made fun of by lower class men and I didn't have friends or date of even kissed a girl or even went to a single party in high school. Prom night for me was spent watching the Yankees

Either way I hate aspergers because I don't know how to react socially or how to function in a social environment and I often say things that either offends or scares people and in 2015 alone I lost my job and was kicked out of a college class because of it

I often offend people and I have put myself in dangerous situations before where I said or did something to someone that pissed them off however luckily each time the people could tell there was something wrong with me and didn't do anything to me

Now I hate autism because when I was 18 I went to an autistic support group and the people were all over 25 and they were the most pathetic people on earth. I mean talking about the holacaust at a funeral is less depprising than these people.

They all had no friends and were just as clueless socially as I am right now. I always imagined my future would be better and I would be married by there age but no all these people have never been in a realtionship before and have never even been kissed. I can't believe this is what I have to look forward to a sad miserable f*****g life like those people.

I mean the guy who ran it would tell me oh there successful they live alone, drive cars, have college degrees and work full time jobs but I don't give a s**t I still think there pathetic losers and I would never want to end up like them and they are completely worthless and have no value in life

Literally if the people in that group cured cancer, ended conflict in the Middle East, ended human trafficking and child labor in Asia and ended poverty, hunger and AIDS in Africa I still would not want to end up like them. He would always tell me to hang out with them like no I would rather hang out with Isis than them

So I hate autism because I will never have friends or have sex or have a girlfriend and I hate seeing all other autistic people on how we die sad lonely virgins. Literally I think if mothers find out there baby is going to be autistic they should abort it. So either way ya I guess I am afraid of my future So ya



ashbabies
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28 Feb 2016, 11:58 pm

your problem is not autism it is being pessimistic and feeling sorry for yourself. if you stop thinking so negatively you would find a romantic partner pretty easily. You're being waaay to judgmental of those other people and it seems like it's because you struggle with self esteem or something. I doubt you will be a "sad lonely virgin" forever.... just try to accept autism more and fully accept yourself.


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29 Feb 2016, 12:49 am

Image Excellent rant, well done!

When I was ~17 and hadn't ever "gone all the way" yet & friends/peers were, I felt like I'd never ever get laid and it was very stressful. I remember believing my own thoughts back then and it wasn't fun. Thing is, they're just thoughts, and you don't have to believe everything you think - especially since, over time, things change.

I'm now 33 and have had more hookups than most people have in their lifetimes. (A recent article said the average American adult has 8 sexual partners in their lifetime. I've lived many lifetimes worth of hookups.) At present, sex is often the furthest thing from my mind as I'd rather hang out with friends, family, or get some extra sleep. It's the whole "everyone wants what they can't have" thing. When sex is unobtainable, you want it bad. When it's available almost whenever you feel like it, well, sometimes you just don't feel like it and can't be bothered.

Your thoughts and attitude about all of this need some major adjustments. Then when you're a happier healthier person, you'll attract the sorts of people into your life who might just end up being sexual partners.


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29 Feb 2016, 1:30 am

Autism likes to beat me down a lot..

Heres my advice:
You will NEVER function as a complete Non-autistic... its impossible, even if you pass to the extreme there will still be meltdowns, burnouts, shutdowns and you will ALWAYS have problems feeling the same mental rewards that Non autistic's get when socializing, A change in schedual will ALWAYS be hard, sometimes it gets easier but it will ALWAYS be a challenge

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AUTISTIC

But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.

If you want to form relationships and have sex you need to apply yourself and learn the skills necessary to do that.

There are some things that you cant change, Sensory Sensitivity will always be there.. theres nothing you can do about it and you cant pretend it doesnt exist..

Obsessions and Repetitive Behaviour are not actually symptoms but coping mechanisms and they are important; keep them..

But remember you will ALWAYS be autistic, so if you want to go out and learn the social skills you need to take your own time and work at your own pace... you cant help but to struggle and it can take a long long time to do but you can learn it..

but a warning.. the social skills you learn wont be like Non-autistics have.. non-autistics get a lot of mental rewards from socializing- Oxytocin and Dopamine which some autistics do not get ( i know i don't..) and socializing comes rather naturally to them.. for an autistic person socializing is like playing a really hard video game... you need to remember the lessons you learned in your head, and you need to follow their rules...

After i learned basic social skills (dont talk about special interest, face them when talking, dont interrupt, dont point at people ect) i also learned that socializing stops being enjoyable... it becomes a chore. I liked it better when i didn't know social skills and just talked about Sonic to everyone i met, but now its just exhausting, and now that i know these skills im too afraid of going back to not using them.. plus i get included more often. The Grass is Always Greener On The Other Side amiright...?

Anyways... good luck to you.


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redrobin62
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29 Feb 2016, 1:50 am

<--- Sexless but far from miserable. Accepts he's autistic, is different than "normal" people, and is okay with it. Has different things to offer the world than children so he doesn't mind.



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29 Feb 2016, 2:17 am

Just a few things I have learned living as an Autistic person for almost 60 years

If you are desperate for something there is a good chance it will not happen. Another way of putting it there is such a thing as trying too hard.

We can not predict the future so do not make assumptions about it. I am the type of person that has always expected the worst possible outcome. While I still do that I do it a lot less now because most of the time the catastrophe I expected did not happen. That is not saying the outcome was good but not the worst.


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29 Feb 2016, 4:06 am

:(



carbonmonoxide
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29 Feb 2016, 6:25 am

I have Asperger (waiting for an official diagnosis to be precise) and I have a romance with a guy with Asperger, we have very nice sex, it's all good :-)

so never assume anything.



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29 Feb 2016, 6:59 am

ZombieBrideXD wrote:
Autism likes to beat me down a lot..

Heres my advice:
You will NEVER function as a complete Non-autistic... its impossible, even if you pass to the extreme there will still be meltdowns, burnouts, shutdowns and you will ALWAYS have problems feeling the same mental rewards that Non autistic's get when socializing, A change in schedual will ALWAYS be hard, sometimes it gets easier but it will ALWAYS be a challenge

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AUTISTIC

But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.

If you want to form relationships and have sex you need to apply yourself and learn the skills necessary to do that.

There are some things that you cant change, Sensory Sensitivity will always be there.. theres nothing you can do about it and you cant pretend it doesnt exist..

Obsessions and Repetitive Behaviour are not actually symptoms but coping mechanisms and they are important; keep them..

But remember you will ALWAYS be autistic, so if you want to go out and learn the social skills you need to take your own time and work at your own pace... you cant help but to struggle and it can take a long long time to do but you can learn it..

but a warning.. the social skills you learn wont be like Non-autistics have.. non-autistics get a lot of mental rewards from socializing- Oxytocin and Dopamine which some autistics do not get ( i know i don't..) and socializing comes rather naturally to them.. for an autistic person socializing is like playing a really hard video game... you need to remember the lessons you learned in your head, and you need to follow their rules...

After i learned basic social skills (dont talk about special interest, face them when talking, dont interrupt, dont point at people ect) i also learned that socializing stops being enjoyable... it becomes a chore. I liked it better when i didn't know social skills and just talked about Sonic to everyone i met, but now its just exhausting, and now that i know these skills im too afraid of going back to not using them.. plus i get included more often. The Grass is Always Greener On The Other Side amiright...?

Anyways... good luck to you.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


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29 Feb 2016, 8:23 am

Quote:

The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Nobody forces us to to overcompensate. Compensating for our differences is a way to survive, possibly even thrive, in a world that lacks the capacity to understand us. I've had to explain what autism is to a lot of people. Unless they have someone close to them with autism, how could they possibly know what we experience? Neurotypicals are neurotypical because they were born that way, and it's all they know. It's not like they are choosing to exclude us; they're just living their lives according to their natural programming Most of them are very understanding when I explain some of the differences. But they can't accommodate what they don't understand. Demanding respect and recognition isn't the way to get either.



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29 Feb 2016, 8:31 am

smudge wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
Autism likes to beat me down a lot..

Heres my advice:
You will NEVER function as a complete Non-autistic... its impossible, even if you pass to the extreme there will still be meltdowns, burnouts, shutdowns and you will ALWAYS have problems feeling the same mental rewards that Non autistic's get when socializing, A change in schedual will ALWAYS be hard, sometimes it gets easier but it will ALWAYS be a challenge

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AUTISTIC

But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.

If you want to form relationships and have sex you need to apply yourself and learn the skills necessary to do that.

There are some things that you cant change, Sensory Sensitivity will always be there.. theres nothing you can do about it and you cant pretend it doesnt exist..

Obsessions and Repetitive Behaviour are not actually symptoms but coping mechanisms and they are important; keep them..

But remember you will ALWAYS be autistic, so if you want to go out and learn the social skills you need to take your own time and work at your own pace... you cant help but to struggle and it can take a long long time to do but you can learn it..

but a warning.. the social skills you learn wont be like Non-autistics have.. non-autistics get a lot of mental rewards from socializing- Oxytocin and Dopamine which some autistics do not get ( i know i don't..) and socializing comes rather naturally to them.. for an autistic person socializing is like playing a really hard video game... you need to remember the lessons you learned in your head, and you need to follow their rules...

After i learned basic social skills (dont talk about special interest, face them when talking, dont interrupt, dont point at people ect) i also learned that socializing stops being enjoyable... it becomes a chore. I liked it better when i didn't know social skills and just talked about Sonic to everyone i met, but now its just exhausting, and now that i know these skills im too afraid of going back to not using them.. plus i get included more often. The Grass is Always Greener On The Other Side amiright...?

Anyways... good luck to you.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Why should other minorities get respect and accomendations but not autistics? Why are most human relationships expected to be a "two way street" but autistics are expected to try and be 100 percent typical all the time?. Do you know of any behavoiral therapies that are considered the "gold standard" where it is recommended from 25-40 hours a week LBGTQ people are taught to act straight?, any Behavorial therapies considered "gold standard" where if you are black they want you to start at 18 months of age so you can be indistinguishable from your white peers?


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“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


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29 Feb 2016, 8:39 am

dmack18 wrote:
So I hate autism because I will never have friends or have sex or have a girlfriend and I hate seeing all other autistic people on how we die sad lonely virgins.


There are actually a lot of autistic people who only find out they're autistic because their child gets diagnosed. My Dad is one of them. So there are plenty of autistic people who are not perpetual virgins.

Some girls like autistic guys. Some girls are autistic themselves and get along better with an autistic guy. But no one tends to like someone who hates his own kind.



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29 Feb 2016, 8:52 am

I've lived a sexless and happy life so far. There are many things to enjoy that don't involve sex if you can find them.


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29 Feb 2016, 9:48 am

Ettina wrote:
Some girls like autistic guys. Some girls are autistic themselves and get along better with an autistic guy. But no one tends to like someone who hates his own kind.


Quoted for truth.



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29 Feb 2016, 12:49 pm

Some males utilize sex workers to have that need met.
Some even prefer it to a relationship because there are no expectations, commitments, etc...
For some it relieves the pressure of being a virgin.



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29 Feb 2016, 1:12 pm

Am I supposed to feel sorry for someone who thinks all of us with autism and over 25 are pathetic losers that are completely worthless and have no value in life? What exactly are you wanting from us here?


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