I'm 'just' withdrawn, not shy...

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I hate it when people mistake me for being shy, and it happens often.

I know it happens because I talk very little - at least with people I don't know well - I don't have strong reactions, meaning I don't laugh a lot or make other noises, I don't really gesture or move my face like other people. Often I get told that I should stop caring what people think of me, or stop to try being quiet and feminine??? Which is not at all what I am doing.

I admit that I sometimes withdraw strongly when a lot of people are around me. But that's not because I'm shy and afraid what they think of me, it's because I feel overloaded and they are annoying me. People tell me I need to stand up for myself, simply because they assume I won't do that because I am generally quiet. However I routinely do tell people to back off when I have enough and I stand up for myself just fine.

It just sucks, everyone assuming I am really shy and afraid and then they sometimes smile understandingly and tell me women don't need to be quiet and can be loud too. I think great - I know - I just prefer to be quiet. Not because I'm a woman and feel like I CAN'T be loud, I just don't want to...

Ah yes, the story of my life (except that I'm a guy, which I'm not sure makes it better or worse).
Fascinating how people conclude that the only possible reason you don't talk much is because you must be shy.

Most of the time I have learned not to argue about it, as that only seems to validate what people already think about me. However, that got to be a pretty big waste of time when my counselor tried to walk me through a self-help guide for social anxiety, before realizing I didn't have enough of the matching symptoms, and giving up. It's not that being labeled shy is such a bad thing, it's that I can't seem to find help with my actual issues, because people are too busy helping me with what they think my issues are.

'Overloaded' is a good word to describe it. For me, 'intense' and 'exhausting' also come to mind.

Yes, everyone always labeled me as shy or socially anxious, instead of physically overloaded by sensory input and socially passive. They also seemed to explain many problems away as being caused by being a twin. ???

I also had people ask why I wanted a diagnosis: "Why do you want something to be wrong with you?" I do not WANT something to be wrong with me; something IS wrong with me; I WANT to find out exactly what it is, so I can deal with it... properly.

Been getting hammered with that by the wifezilla lately. The latest is that I'm lazy. Why? Because I am underemployed. It takes everything I have to get through that little bit of time once a week.

I am getting overloaded and more overloaded and more overloaded and it's getting easier and easier and easier to overwhelm me and make me just shut down. Or, as she found out Sunday, explosive when attacked about it.

I am going through diagnosis to find out what the problem is. Her education level just seems to think it's only a 'social anxiety' and therefore I am weak and would do just fine if I went out and just 'did it'. I told her that I was applying for unemployment (because I have actually been eligible for more than a year now, but would not do it until forced to) to supplement the income and she just went off on me.

I am trying to find an answer and then find a way. But, when a person such as that dumps on you, well, you just kinda spin a lit more and pace a lot more and...well, you get the idea.

Finally got the dragon lady cliche...it ain't nice at all.

I hate it when people address me because such people believe I am an anti-social person, when really I'm just socially awkward like anyone else, Aspie or not.