The Asperger's paradox

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There's a paradox about Asperger's synfrome that I've noticed.

We Aspies are shy. Every time i have to interact with another human being, especially a neurotypical, I start sweating, and my body stands still. It's like I have social anxiety.

And yet I won't stop talking to people about World of Warcraft. I can go on and on about the layout of Azeroth, all the points I've gained, people I've met playing WoW. This sounds like something shy people wouldn't do, but I do it. We do it. Aspies go on and on about our special interest. And I can't tell when I'm boring somebody.

How can we be so shy yet so talkative?

I don't think the two necessarily contradict each other. When I'm talking about a special interest of mine, I am in my comfort zone. It helps ease me into talking to the other person, especially if I don't know them that well. It's much about treading familiar ground so that I feel comfortable, as opposed to having to partake in small talk or talk about something I know little about and I'm out of my depth in.

Not all of us.
I don't talk to people about my obsessive special interests.
They're mine and mine alone.

I'm afraid to talk to people about my special interests because they start sighing and rolling their eyes, or just do the big-eyed stare

I may not be a genius in the body language-reading department, but I think I can recognize "you are a big, boring weirdo" when I see it. That just makes me feel awful, like I shared something special and got judged for it.

I don't mind talking to an audience, at least if it's not for long, but I can't have mutual conversation with another person. Those two don't actually contradict each other if you think about it.

on the internet you do not have to deal with any non verbal communication

I'm initially shy in social situations, but when I become comfortable, I'm usually outgoing. Now that I know how horrible my social skills are, I'm reluctant to socialize. But before, when I was clueless, I'd happily talk to people about things that they probably didn't want to hear. Then I'd wonder why I got such strange reactions.

I would be the type to listen to you.

ASD does not equal shy. Just as introverted does not equal shy, and ASD does not equal introverted.

ASD includes problems with socializing, which can occur without shyness.

I get social anxiety because I don't know how to navigate interactions with other people. And I seem introverted because I get overstimulated around other people and need some cool-down time. That doesn't mean I AM shy, it just looks that way to a lot of people. When I interact with someone who is more similar to me I like listening to them rant about their area of expertise and they like listening to me rant about mine. When we're finished talking we don't feel the need to fill the void with small talk. When I'm with a more typical person, my rant derails the conversation, then it gets awkward and I flee. Does that make me shy?