How to live (happily) without my son?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi guys,

you've been a massive source of support with regards to my family breakup and another thing that went on back then over a year ago.

Felinelover is back! Where I am currently at: going to court at the end of the month to start custody proceedings to gain access to my child again. I found a new partner in December (we'd known since early last year but didn't get together before because of a multitude of reasons) and as a result my ex cancelled the 'family christmas' we had been planning and forced entry into my flat in early January and pushed me around for 5 minutes in front of my child and my new partner (thank god an adult was witnessing this for once though; although I can't even bear to start thinking what damage witnessing this situation would have done / will do to our child).

I reported it to the police because there was a witness thank God!

Anyway, after the police giving him a warning he has repeatedly claimed that I am mentally unstable and unable to have access to my child anymore unless unsupervised.

Today I saw my child for mother's day 2 hours at the local mall *with my ex being present every second* -- I felt so horrible afterwards that I emailed him I shall not want to see him anymore at all except in court. He knows what buttons to push, he is trying to trigger me into some form of public meltdown where he can then say 'look I told you she is totally unstable'.

I know of drug dealers who are allowed to spend every weekend with their kids for f***s sake!

I feel so terrible today as it's mother's day and also this situation is getting between me and my wonderful new partner because I get depressed and / or angry and the other day I bought a mothers day bouquest just so I could rip it to shreds, which is what I proceeded in doing in front of my partner.

Anyway, am at a loss of what to do -- the mothering instinct is so strong that I don't know how to contain this anger whereby I'm not 'allowed' to see my son without seeing the horrible, disgusting evil person that my ex husband has become....

Any thoughts and/or ideas would be appreciated as I am literally at a loss. I started writing a tell-all today which made me feel a bit better; to think I could sell the whole story on Amazon for £1 so anyone could actually read what's going on, and yes it includes some celeb gossip so it might even be interesting to 'that' demography!! !!

All the best, hope your mother's day is going better than mine....