If you truly feel you should not exist, then you need to see a professional immediately. Check yourself into a hospital or something.
That sounds like depression/suicidal ideation.
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Diagnosed April 14, 2016
ASD Level 1 without intellectual impairments.
RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
AQ: 42
AQ-10: 8.8