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CryingTears15
Deinonychus
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03 Mar 2016, 8:25 pm

Two days ago, a boy from my school died in a car wreck. I found out the morning I was set to help out with the musical preview.

The kids, especially the seniors like he had been were a wreck. There was crying and hugging all over the place. At first I was apathetic, but seeing everyone cry made me start to cry really badly...

I told a girl that I didn't know him at first, so she looked at me as I was crying, and I thought, what is she thinking? Is it normal to cry because everyone else is, or am I intruding on others' experiences?

My grandmother died seven years ago when I was ten. Even though my mom was a wreck , I felt nothing and tried to avoid my mom for weeks afterward to cope.



Claradoon
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03 Mar 2016, 8:30 pm

Your reaction sounds just fine to me. One thing to remember: when there is a death, "appropriate" goes out the window. People look at each other weird, talk weird, get critical about everything. The emotions of everybody around you are in a maelstrom. Don't take it personally.



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03 Mar 2016, 8:45 pm

Claradoon wrote:
Your reaction sounds just fine to me. One thing to remember: when there is a death, "appropriate" goes out the window. People look at each other weird, talk weird, get critical about everything. The emotions of everybody around you are in a maelstrom. Don't take it personally.
Indeed,when both of my Grandfathers died I felt rather numb,though the fact of said numbness perturbed me understandably,when one of them died I did not have a strong emotional reaction until a day or two after the viewing if I recall correctly,and I'm not sure if the breakdown was for his passing or the guilt from failing to feel sadness earlier for his passing,but mourning can take an unpredictable form in people,which is to be expected,try not to let it get to you.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2016, 8:50 pm

When I was 10, my grandmother died. I felt absolutely nothing, even though I liked her.

Your reaction is within the parameters of "normal." I wouldn't worry about it.



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03 Mar 2016, 10:22 pm

I think it's perfectly normal to cry because others are crying. Empathy and emotions work in strange ways sometimes. I remember when my grandfather was dying, years ago, I felt bad for my dad, but I wasn't personally upset because we had never been close and I barely knew him (I'm not entirely sure he even knew my name). However, my mom said "you're okay, you're okay", to him as he was dying in the hospice house in the same reassuring tone of voice that she often said it to me when I was upset, and it just hit me and I started sobbing like crazy because it wasn't true. I couldn't even go back in the room after that. I explained how I had felt in that moment later on, and no one thought anything was strange about my reaction.



GreenPandaLord
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03 Mar 2016, 11:00 pm

Empathy is an interesting thnig when it comes to autistics. We tend not to understand the why, but we feel exess amounts of the what. For example if someone dies it will not effect us in the same way that NTs are. What I mean by this is that we will feel others pain to the point of being overwhelemed, but the cause of the pain to others can be a mystery. Sometimes in regards to death it is obviouse, but it is hard to comprehend the or sort out. At funerals I cry because everyone around me is in pain and it is overwhelming in regards to this type of empathy which is emotional empathy which we have in access as autistics. The fact that someone died is confusing and this is cognitive empathy. Sociopaths are exactly the oposite as they understand the why, but not the what. Now no one is the same and we all feel differently, but from what you said it is perfectly normal. It just means that you are sensative to others's emothions which can come in handy.


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Yigeren
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03 Mar 2016, 11:33 pm

It's called emotional contagion. It's completely normal. I believe it has to do with mirror neurons.



EzraS
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04 Mar 2016, 3:44 am

I think it's hard to make a judgement from one incident. Singular out of character things like that happen to me now and then and I tend to just view them as flukes.



Joe90
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04 Mar 2016, 12:21 pm

Emotion can be a complex thing. Women are often more open about their feelings than men. But not everybody reacts the same way.

When my mum's dad died, back in 1997, it was a hard time, because he was a severe alcoholic, and didn't show much love when his children were growing up, gave them no encouragement, frightened them in his raging tempers, and drank all the money away so the family was poor. So my mum and her siblings all had mixed emotions when he died. It was still upsetting, because he was still their dad, and they knew that he was a sweet loving man underneath, but the alcoholism took over. I can totally understand how it must have felt for them, even though I have never experienced it myself.


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Riik
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04 Mar 2016, 12:30 pm

I'm the same when it comes to crying because of other people crying.

I've never actually directly cried over a human death. Pets though... I've cried for days over dead dogs.


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Ettina
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05 Mar 2016, 6:50 am

Crying because others are crying is very empathetic, actually.



Riik
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05 Mar 2016, 8:17 am

On a related (and emotionally opposite) note... anyone ever laughed because someone else is laughing, even though you don't know what they're laughing at? Happens to me all the time, and it's pretty embarrassing when a person passing me on the street or something is laughing at something on their phone or something and I burst out laughing as well. Heck I laugh more at jokes because of other people laughing at them than I do from finding them funny... which is also why I laugh at comedy with canned laughter a lot more than without any.


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Stimming, stimming all day long~
Common sense? Me? Hahahahahahaha no. You're more likely to find penguins in the sahara.
We should adapt - but we should not conform.
A life without tea is a life not worth living.
Latest Aspie Quiz: AS - 151, NT - 38 / RAADS-R: 195 / AQ: 38


coa11111
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05 Mar 2016, 11:59 am

they were crying since they knew him closely. If anything it's perfectly normal, shows you can connect with others. Its' like laughter, if one is near others who laugh, then one often starts to laugh.



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05 Mar 2016, 12:11 pm

There is no normal way of grief.
Something's happen directly.
Others are triggered by
A. Smells
B. Sight
C. Other peoples reaction
D. Anniversary - reminders of past loss/death

I was once asked after a death in a school, "am I psychotic because I feel nothing" - I responded no.

Myself I sometimes react more to media than in "real life".

Death is not the only thing we mourn.


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