Why does my family want me to move back in with my parents?

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I've been living on my own since 2007. And never been happier. Because for as long as I was growing up, and up until I moved out, if there's one thing my parents loved more than anything, it's power and control. (Well, two things.) But they did love controlling all aspects of my life they could get their hands on, and telling me what to do, and forcing their way of life down my throat. It was so bad, that I was contemplating suicide on occasion.

Come June of 2007, I move out. I was 24 at the time. For the first two years, I become like a caged animal that was just let loose. I found myself drinking whiskey at breakfast (weekends only), staying out until 6:00 AM, hiring escort after escort, basically, making up for lost time. This got me in trouble with the police once or twice, even. My parents and the rest of my family knew nothing about it; they just thought I'm living same lifestyle as I did before moving out. Boy, are they wrong!

But pretty much the whole time I had my own apartment---that I always paid for myself without asking for money---my whole family has been on my case about moving back in with my parents. Even now, when I'm 32. They don't give any justifications for that other than money. My counterarguments that a full-grown man needs to have his own living space fall on deaf ears. Everyone just calls me "stubborn", "difficult", and oodles of other compliments. My older sister is especially forceful with me over that, even though she moved out when she was 20. Fortunately, no one can physically drag me out of my apartment and force me into my parents' home, at least not without me going to the police. And my parents are doing OK healthwise, and I visit them pretty regularly, so I know that for sure.

But WTF? Why would my whole family be so adamant about me moving back in with my parents? Thoughts?

Wow that is pretty weird,
Sounds like the parents told the sister to tell you to move in?

I got the same response when i moved out but only because making and planning meals was very difficult for me and i lost a lot of weight ( i was 190lb in summer, now i sit at 169lb and dropping, not bad to me because im 5'5 and overweight still.)

But my dad still just lives next door in a house he made himself, we kinda made a deal. We pool our money together, i buy groceries and he makes the meals.

That was a smart thing to do, Zombie.

Yeah its a lot easier on me and him because he doesnt have running water at his house yet or a big enough stove, so he uses my kitchen and we share the food.

I can understand you wanting to live alone. Escorts cost money, though. You must have some sort of job.

I'm not sure of your parent's motivation. What do they say is the reason for wanting you to live with them?

Of course I have a job. That's how I pay for those escorts, and the good ones are pricey. But they give me an amazing emotional high that no relationship can surpass. My family, all of them, are none the wiser. They think I'm either incel or I'm seeing someone and not telling them. (I never talked about my relationships to my family, due to lack of trust.)

As for the reason, they all talk about how I much money I can save by moving back in with my parents. But I think it's really because I'm 32 and single. So they're bitter about all the freedom and the fun I get to have, so they want to take it away from me. Of course, if I listen to them, I'll end up spending most of the savings on even more escorts, and on the alcohol and cigarettes I'll need to stay sane. So I really won't be saving much. Not to mention my parents live far from any rail lines---while my current apartment is practically walking distance---and I need access to trains to be able to visit escorts. (Driving to their hotels is risky, because the police like to follow cars and arrest the drivers.)

They've been telling the entire family. Who, in turn, put pressure on me to move back in with my parents. It's one of the reasons I decided to be childfree. I don't feel comfortable bringing a child into a family that loves power and control a little too damn much. Not to mention my sister was always my parents' favorite child. So it's no surprise that they're leveraging her in their favor.

I agree it is odd. Most parents want the son out of the house. Since you've paid for your own living this long, it doesn't make any sense as a reason.

There's their own boredom as an explanation, but that doesn't seem likely either.

I'd wager a guess and say "boredom". But they're not big on having fun to begin with. They usually like to just watch TV at home, or maybe go out for a walk if the weather allows it. Concerts, dancing, movies, sports, and such things, don't interest them in the slightest. So what could I, a person half their age, provide as entertainment? Especially considering that I'd be out most times they're home, only to have them call me every hour, telling me to come home immediately.

If you look at the huge leaps and bounds I made in my dating life just one year after moving out, moving back in would be the world's biggest setback for me. Even more so: no woman would touch me with a 100-foot pole if I were living with my parents. Heck, it works both ways: I've always refused to date a woman after finding out she lives with her parents. But despite my family worrying about me being single at age 32, they conveniently overlooks that important part. Ironic?

Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Mar 2016, 12:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

The fact that you have been out on your own and thriving is driving them all kinds of insane. In their eyes they would have such a burden to relish sharing with their flying monkeys (what friends they do have, sympathetic/ sycophant relatives) about the Ungrateful Son Who Couldn't Make His Way In The World After All. Make a ploy about your apartment being treated for termites, which should give you a couple of days. Pound your whisky when they're not looking, and ONLY INTERACT WITH THEM AFTER COPPING A GOOD BUZZ! See how much they miss you then!

I would imagine that your family can tell that you're having whiskey whore parties in this apartment and they're concerned about that. And I imagine you're having whisky whore parties because your family was too tight laced and this is your chance to kick up your heels.

I have a 2 year old and when he's afraid that I'm going to take something away from him, he'll freak out and do whatever it is way harder and worse to get all the enjoyment he can out of it before it's taken away. I kinda feel like most of us are like this. I know I am whenever I go on a diet. Do you think maybe you're doing this a little bit because something inside of you is afraid you'll somehow have to go back and live with your folks again?

I don't like what you said when you described the prostitute situation. It sounded like you were describing a drug. You have to remember that this is another human being and you're putting yourself in danger whenever you use these kinds of services. Please try to be thoughtful about this kind of thing. If you're going to do that again, remember that you are using a person, and you don't want that person or her associates to hurt you.

And then just remember that you are in a sustainable living situation. You have a job and an apartment. You're an adult. No one can make you move back in with your family. Of course your parents and sister will worry and tell you about it. That's not wrong of them, and you should consider what they say. But you certainly don't ever have to take their advice. You're a grown man.

Sorry if I spoke a little frankly. I think you're in a possibly dangerous situation and it was my responsibility to warn you.

Aspie1, it sounds like you have a lifestyle you want to keep. Learn to ignore the comments of your family. Or learn to joke about them. But don't let them affect you.

We all have "expectations" that are put on us by others in my family. I had a long-standing sibling rivalry (that I wasn't even aware of) with my older sister. She and my mother made snide remarks about things that were really my choices and my needs, multiple times during my adulthood. I've come to accept that that's the way they are, it doesn't have to be any reflection on me, but also I do maintain an emotional distance from anyone that needs to treat me so poorly.

Tell them you're not moving back in and to leave you alone about it, because your decision is final. Maybe they are just convinced it save you money to live with your parents, which it probably might. But as an adult you can say no, and if they wont leave you alone perhaps block numbers or something.


However I do not think they're jealous of you being single.

You're saying that an escort would be a danger to me. That's a misconception. A police officer can and will put me in far greater harm than an escort will even contemplate doing. (To "protect" me, of course.) Of course, this only applies to reputable, high-class escorts I deal with, who use very specific advertising channels. I don't even go near any other types. I guess this is where my paranoid aspie nature comes in handy. I know what I'm doing, but thank you for caring.

On a lighter note, too funny about the "whiskey whore parties"! (Side note: high-class escorts will never consume alcohol when with a client, although they've offered me a drink before.) I prefer to do my partying outside of home, though. Especially right when I moved out, when I still had enough energy to stay out until 6:00 AM both Friday and Saturday, followed by a shot of whiskey at breakfast next morning. Did some pretty stupid crap until I was at least 26, none of which my family knew about. Ah, the good times. I've toned down my partying in the last few years; just ain't enough energy like before. Unless, of course, I get on a cruise ship. Then all hell breaks loose .

Maybe they want you to move in so they can save money? That is, they figure you'll keep your job and pay them a smaller rent than you'd pay living on your own, so there's more money for all of you. Even if they're not facing financial hardship, they'd probably like a couple hundred extra bucks a month.

If they know or suspect anything about the escorts or alcohol, they may figure it's unethical and/or dangerous for you (for mundane reasons and/or because you're ticking off God or something) so they may want you to move back in to make those things harder to indulge in. You mention them forcing their way of life down your throat. I'm guessing that means they disapprove of your way of life? (Both what they think your way of life is, and what it actually is, if those aren't the same.)

Maybe your parents are lonely.

There is a widespread disdain for remaining single for a long time, but it's not just about being single. It seems there is a general perception that people need household assistance from the opposite sex to live healthily, like if you're a single man, you can't figure out how to do "woman stuff" like... laundry? cooking? I don't know, but I think people feel you should ideally have a spouse, but the next best thing is an opposite-sex family member like your mom. A cohabitating girlfriend would work but not escorts, sex-buddies, or a girlfriend who doesn't live with you.

The way you describe, a cohabiting girlfriend would be like a live-in prison guard. And I thought there were laws against correctional officers fraternizing with inmates. I've talked at length in another thread about how I expect my future girlfriend to keep me confined at home, with only books and TV for entertainment. That's what's happening in all my friends' relationships, and I feel sorry for them. Because I like to go out, have fun, explore (in more ways than one), and enjoy life. So if I move back in with my parents, it'll be same same way: all the fun I do on evenings and weekends will have to stop immediately.

Now, WHY would I voluntarily submit myself to that, whether by moving back in with my parents or by allowing a girlfriend to move in with me? Hmm? I know how to cook, do laundry, and such, very well. Heck, I've brought the dishes I made to family dinners on holidays, and everybody loved them. I just don't clean my apartment very often, so it looks like a pigsty. That, and the whole whiskey/escort thing.