What does one do like me?

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I am 29 years old. For many years I've escaped my reality by resorting to drugs. I've learned I'm 'Autistic' and have Aspergers disorder. I scored 197 on my RAADS-R. I feel so overwhelmed by my rejection and isolation, that I'm developing strange behaviors such as multiple personalities and bouts of anger from nowhere. Any relationship whether it be family,friend,stranger turns sour or awkward. People in chatrooms, youtube, facebook even play mind games with me. Woman tell me they fall in love with me and we'll end a discussion nicely, only to never see them again and leave me questioning what happened, or where did it go wrong. People ask me in mid-conversation if I'm autistic. I'm becoming less scared of the idea of ending my life, as how I live and think these days is rather lifeless in itself. I eat to survive and feel miserable all over again the next day. I even can't get along with my psychologist. This website is my last chance of reaching out to the world, because it's pointless living like this. Thank you for reading, and somewhat curious as to how people will reflect to this confession\big wall of blubbery sadness. Thanks again.

You will find at least a few people here who have similar experiences as you.

Hi
I have had some experiences like that, what kind of drugs do you take?

I quit after 8 years of Marijuana. Been trying to improve my life for 5 months, but it just remains the same no matter what I try.

I'm not a medical doctor, so take any advice I give as non-expert counsel. I'm a sociologist and I study autistic adults, so what I'm familiar with is adults on the autism spectrum finding successful coping mechanisms and being strong and comfortable with themselves.

You could try getting a prescription for Xanax or Ativan to have as needed for emergency stress relief. You can't go light up in most places when you're super stressed out, but you can pop a pill, and it's safe to drive afterwards. Ativan wears off fairly quick too, so if you want to go out and have a drink later on that night you don't have to worry about it. Xanax does not wear off, so that may not be a good option if you drink alcohol.

Many people go into a tailspin after finally finding out that autism is the reason why they have been different from the majority their whole lives. You may be going through a rewriting history phase as well, where you can now see why you did things a certain way- you can forgive yourself for certain things, but then maybe you might also have palm to face feelings for other things because if you had had this information earlier, maybe things would have been much easier? So it can be relieving to find out, but then it's also a lot to go through.

Please keep in mind that all of us attract certain kinds of people to ourselves. Sometimes it's a kind of person that's good for us and sometimes it's not. That's why the same stuff happens over and over again. So the kinds of people who click with me will not be the same people who click with you. This is maybe a good time to do some reflection and figure out which kinds of people have been clicking with you in a negative way. Then you can try to cut off current relationships that aren't working out and avoid new ones that are going in that same negative direction. There should be other, good kinds of clicks that you have had in the past that you can see some kind of pattern with. Then you can work out a way to find more of that kind of person. You might end up with just one or two friends, but you'll probably feel better.

I can tell from just reading your post that you're having a real hard time, but I truly believe things will get easier very soon, and this time will end up being how your better life starts.

I'm not really sure if this is an old topic now, or if I respond too late, sorry. I think it could possibly help if I got a xanax prescription, the reason why I haven't asked my GP yet is because he is a very ''oh come on, you don't need this", he is very ... Careful about his patients I guess? But I will certainly ask.

Indeed I'm going through a rough time, and I'm not ignoring the fact that people are worse off than me, or share the same experiences(nobody implied I was but just to confirm I am considering others). I think what you were saying about who we are attracts certain types of people is true. The problem is working out how to attract ANY type of person in my case. I meet countless number of people who are kind and sympathetic to my 'type', yet even if I try to follow through with them socially, it naturally decays quickly.

My psychologist has given me coping techniques, but I'm having trouble implementing them in the moment. I still have hope left in me that things will change for the better, but to be honest my mental health really feels to be on the decline. So I will focus on what you've mentioned about how I can improve, and thank everyone here for responding to my post, I appreciate it very much. I hope to participate more here and even make a friend or 2.

Yeah I would definitely try to participate here more. There are less risks with online friendships, in my opinion anyway. And they can be just as rewarding. You don't have to worry about one of us showing up at your house unannounced, or having a problem with the way you look or smell. Or you having a problem with the way WE look or smell. There's just LESS involved, you know? You can concentrate on interests and take it at your own pace easier.

Often when shrinks give tactical advice, it is geared toward neurotypicals. So if they were advising me, it might work for me (I'm NT), but for a person on the spectrum it might not be as effective. It can help to bounce things off of the people here on Wrong Planet because most people here actually are autistic and can give suggestions for what has worked for them (or not worked).

There are people here in a similar position to you.

Before i was diagnosed I used to get angry a lot for pretty much nothing and had problems with almost all relationships because I'd get mad at people. I used to think ppl wanted to harm me but that's because I was bullied at school and I carried that with me many years after that wasn't the case anymore. I didn't know a lot about autism before and I thought that they wanted to give me a label to control me but that's not true and I know that now. Lol I'm not so much like that now.

Hello inaweb. I can relate to a lot that you describe. I'm turning 28 soon, been a pot smoker for almost 13 years, and a drinker to navigate social events, found out I was on the spectrum not long ago. Stopped smoking pot about a month now, wasted a lot of time doing it, now I just go to my interests when feeling anxious (or when memories of hurtful / awkward moments start repeating).

I can just advice you to take it easy, on yourself specially. I sometimes get really hung up on the nasty stuff that happens around people (and some people are a real nasty work of art, in the worst possible way), the thing to do is just let it slide and focus on the things that give you bliss. There are always people that will hurt you, like it was nothing, and they'll forget they ever did it. So try and do the same. You cannot control how stuff makes you feel, but can control how long or intense that feeling will last.

And learn of the subject, research to try to understand why the dynamics of your interactions go sour, sometimes it's a real simple explanation. You don't have to change who you are (nor shouldn't have to), but some conducts, by which others perceive you, can be modified (as long as they don't take a toll on yourself), and that helps to smooth things out.

Btw, SocOfAutism has some awesome insights, the part about rewriting history and the type of people that we attract hit me right in the mindf**k!