What happens when ASD-parents get a NT-child?

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Schlumpfikus
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18 Mar 2016, 4:09 pm

So if the child needs to navigate the NT-world and needs guidance with it but can't turn to his parents to get help with it such as on questions on how to act in complex social situations, what will it do? Also I've learnt for example that you need to mimic a facial expression to babies such and such many times (don't remember how many exactly) until they will imitate it. But if a mother or father have autism they might not do this, so would the baby still learn it somehow or then act differently from babies with NT-parents? And do you think the parents would find it difficult to relate to the child sometimes, like it may happen often when it's the other way round?



kraftiekortie
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18 Mar 2016, 4:11 pm

People with autism are not TOTALLY oblivious to the world. They learn about it at a different pace, though.

Autistic parents might, possibly, even be optimally equipped to teach the child about the world because of the work required for the autistic parent to learn how to navigate it.

There are many ASD parents who have NT children right here in WP.



Schlumpfikus
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18 Mar 2016, 5:14 pm

Ok, that fits with how I've thought about how it even could be that autistic parents often will put more consideration and thought into it than NT-parents would when their children ask them for help in social situations because they may be from experience more sensitive to what could go wrong and also just often more the thoughtful type.
Are the solutions they offer though then likely going to be the same as those of NT-parents would be? Let's say for example their child doesn't know how to join the other kids at school when playing in the schoolyard.



kraftiekortie
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18 Mar 2016, 5:21 pm

I believe, most of the time, that their solutions will be similar to the solutions of NT parents.

However, there will be times when they will have an "autistic" slant of things, and will be able to teach their NT kids a sensitivity which many NT people might not understand.



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18 Mar 2016, 5:41 pm

Every ASD parent is different so not all of them are going to not have facial expressions. For my children, what happens to them, well they will learn in school how to socialize and learn social things, they also have my parents who are around, there are my nephews and my in laws and my niece and nephews. My niece has a boyfriend who has a younger brother under age ten who has autism. Also if the kid is having problems in school, the school gets them help and gives them an IEP.

I told my son the other day how he shouldn't pretend to bite other kids because they don't like it and they won't want to play with him if he does that. The teacher told me about it and told me it upsets other kids when he pretends he is going to bite them and they don't like it so I talked to my son about it. My son has also asked me how do you make friends and I couldn't figure out how to tell him except say "They just happen." those were the words I read in a story when I was eight about a six year old girl who wanted friends so she asked her mother that and she said "I don't know, they just happen." But I do very much struggle to tell my son social things but luckily he has my grandparents. My husband doesn't have any friends either and also has social issues so he also wouldn't be able to tell him either.


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kraftiekortie
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18 Mar 2016, 5:46 pm

When kids are very young, they usually make friends easily. All that is needed is a common interest in playing. If a kid, in nursery school, is able to restrain his/her self from hitting other kids, he/she will make friends easily.

It's much easier for little kids to make friends than it is for older kids to make friends.

In nursery school, a kid has to probably be toilet-trained in order to make friends easily. He/she who is not trained will be teased mercilessly.



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18 Mar 2016, 11:11 pm

Schlumpfikus wrote:
So if the child needs to navigate the NT-world and needs guidance with it but can't turn to his parents to get help with it such as on questions on how to act in complex social situations, what will it do? Also I've learnt for example that you need to mimic a facial expression to babies such and such many times (don't remember how many exactly) until they will imitate it. But if a mother or father have autism they might not do this, so would the baby still learn it somehow or then act differently from babies with NT-parents? And do you think the parents would find it difficult to relate to the child sometimes, like it may happen often when it's the other way round?

I'd like the point out that it be the same as NT parents with ASD children, they wouldn't be able to relate very well, but with enough practice it will work out.


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League_Girl
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19 Mar 2016, 12:21 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
When kids are very young, they usually make friends easily. All that is needed is a common interest in playing. If a kid, in nursery school, is able to restrain his/her self from hitting other kids, he/she will make friends easily.

It's much easier for little kids to make friends than it is for older kids to make friends.

In nursery school, a kid has to probably be toilet-trained in order to make friends easily. He/she who is not trained will be teased mercilessly.



My son does get teased because he gets skid marks in his underwear and he gets called "poopy (his name)" and "baby (his name)" only by two kids apparently and the teacher always stops it. My son also started out as aggressive and then the school district got involved and he got better thanks to his teacher. He has social issues so he has problems with his peers there but yet he has no issues playing with his cousin. With his little sister, I think what happens between them is normal for siblings; rivalry and bickering and brother getting annoyed with his little sister. Typical sibling behavior.


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Joe90
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19 Mar 2016, 7:09 am

I have always naturally been able to bond with my NT parents and the rest of my family too, and I am extremely close to my mum and aunties. So I think I would be able to do the same with my own child, if he or she will be NT (which I hope). I do want a child some day.

I even have the natural ability to bond with my partner, who is also NT.


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Nocturnus
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19 Mar 2016, 7:37 am

It depends on how supportive and open the parents are towards the child, that comes down to the individual.

We can end up seeing the world as "Us and them" and it really isn't the case, we can connect with others regardless of how we neurologically define them.



Jo_B1_Kenobi
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19 Mar 2016, 8:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People with autism are not TOTALLY oblivious to the world. They learn about it at a different pace, though.

Autistic parents might, possibly, even be optimally equipped to teach the child about the world because of the work required for the autistic parent to learn how to navigate it.

There are many ASD parents who have NT children right here in WP.


Thanks so much for this comment. This subject touches on something I worry about quite a bit. I have a son who has some autistic traits and I often worry that it's because of my lack of social integration and understanding rather than that his brain is different. I do lots of things with the wider family, both mine and his father's so that my influence is mediated by lots of NT folk in his life who love him too. I also do my absolute best to get things right for him but now he's a teenager his social understanding outstrips mine almost every time. I got the folk who diagnosed me to help check that I was doing OK as a parent and they said I was fine, but I am aware of my deficit and it still worries me. Your comment was very encouraging. Thank-you!


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