I can't get myself away from topics about violent kids. I hate it, it's unhealthy, it just gets me all upset and makes me feel negative about anyone in general who thinks it's okay for kids to harm other children and adults. Then I see an ad on the Dr. Phil show for Monday about a violent 12 year old girl who looks to be more like 7 or 8 and her siblings and parents fear her and she has even chased her siblings with a knife and she said how she killed these baby birds and her mom said she killed her hamster. The girl was smiling and she seemed a lot like a psychopath and her dad said she claimed the voices told her to do it. Jesus and now I am curious and want to watch this to see how it goes and what is wrong with that girl (I hope she isn't autistic). I know I should pull away from this stuff and skip these episodes and just delete them whenever Dr. Phil does one on another violent child. I already do good most of the time skipping threads here about autistic children being violent in the Parents Discussion. But sometimes I hate my curiosity because it's hard to draw myself away from it when I see it when I know it just upsets me.
I found myself drawn to reading about narcissism and abusive relationships because I was curious and was learning and I was discovering my ex was possibly a narcissist. it all started by a post I read in Lucky Otter's Haven she wrote about narcissism and some of it reminded me of my ex so I started to read more about the condition and then she mentioned to me my ex sounded a lot like a covert narcissist when I left a comment in her blog about my ex so I looked it up and it sounded a lot like him and I kept on reading about it. I obsessed about it and read stories by other victims and learned a lot and it explained my ex more and the things he did. Then at the same time I felt pissed because I had fallen for it and I had let it all happen and shame on me for not picking up on it. Then I started to understand why some aspies have said the husbands on AssPartners are not aspie, they are narcissists and women there are just blaming it on AS and scapegoating it. I also learned that my ex's low self esteem and jealousy were not accurate and that is not how it is for people with it, he was a narcissist so I can get rid of how toxic people with low self esteem are and people who are jealous. There is a difference between a narcissist doing those things and a none narcissist. That goes for the black and white thinking too. His B&W thinking may have been more narc than aspie so I can get rid of the fact that black and white thinkers suck, only narcissist with it suck. I can stop taking offense to black and white thinking being part of autism. I even decided to no longer identify my ex as an aspie. Just because he claimed he was and thought he had it doesn't mean he did and his stories about going to get tested for it never added up so for years I would question it and then think no he had it because of this and that but how do I know he wasn't faking it? I even wonder now how much of his stories he told me were true.
I also obsessed about my ex's and I have obsessed about my enemies online. I think it's more of an OCD thing. Obsessions are supposed to give you pleasure and enjoyment and be calming and relaxing, if they give you distress and make you upset and get you all worried, it's part of OCD. Though reading about narcissism didn't give me distress, it gave me closure and it made me feel better about myself and I can forgive myself and I can relate to other victim stories about it. At the same time I would also feel excitement because I wasn't alone and I could relate. But sometimes I still get a second thought in my head about it.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
Last edited by League_Girl on 24 Mar 2016, 3:02 am, edited 2 times in total.