I'd appreciate some advice/support

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I am Asperger's and 42. Last year I started having my first really positive relationship. My dog who was nearly 16 died (he had been my best friend all that time). I got pregnant but it was ectopic and due to complications I can only have a baby by IVF but my time, I've been told, is running out and I only have months not years. I've bought a house with my partner and he and I have a wonderful relaionship but due to the odd *communication* issues we have split up and got back together again... but we are working really hard and doing the house up and not doing anything to relax, so no surprises.

I keep having really unexpected bills for £1000 a time to pay for things (3rd one came today) and so my partner said we shouldn't keep the appointment at the IVF clininc that is booked for next Wednesday. I know he's right but it feels SO painful. I feel like this is my last chance and there'll never be a right time...etc... Meanwhile my sister is having a baby (she got pregnant a month after I lost mine) and said that she's calling the baby the name I've had in mind for the last 8 years or so (thought I kept it a secret)...

And my father is viscous to me. He says awful things that undermine me and make me feel worthless. My mother has no empathy and I cannot go to her because she wouldn't understand... I'm beginning to fear that my partner will think I'm no good with money, responsibilites etc... and that I can't provide him with a baby so he'll leave. He hasn't said any of these things but I'm a wreck at the moment and he must be wondering how much he can take... I really can't reassure him that I can manage. I'm so overwhelmed by organisational things (tax bills etc...)

I literally don't know what to do. I don't having any emotional support anywhere. My family have done horrible things to me which I won't go into but if I wrote it down I think most people would be horrified. They attack me for being incompetent, annoying etc. and won't accept that I'm Asperger's. But they've been worse since my diagnosis... I'd REALLY appreciate any advice/reassurance.

Are the bills from the IVF clinic? If so, I would hold off, since you might not be able to afford this.

I don't believe your partner will leave you because of this. It seems like he understand the situation.

Thank you for replying kraftiekortie. I've noticed that you always reply with logic and reason. It's very calming, thank you.

The bills were tax things and stuff like that - all to do with my admin errors (I try really hard) but weirdly they all came at once and we're trying to do this house up so it's all piling on. In my assesment the Psychiatrist told me I had struggled with executive functioning but that, although it's still not great, I've improved a lot!

I think I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and I'm no good at claming myself down either (I forgot to eat today until just now). I've always called my father or sister but it's to my detriment because they hold it against me that I can't manage and they then use what I've told them to judge me. And then I talk to myself as if they're right and the cycle goes on...

Sorry for waffling.

If I were you, I would defer some of the money used to renovate the house towards paying those taxes. Also: Make sure that you actually owe these taxes. Perhaps, some of those bills could be repeat bills.

I would say being behind on your taxes is much worse for a homeowner than for somebody who just rents--primarily because of the potential for a lien. So I would take care of the taxes first.

Thank you kraftiekortie. Unfortunately most of the money is to convert a garage into a studio which will help my business - (I paint portraits) It will take a long time. But I suppose you are right that the bills have to be my focus. One thing at a time...

I appreciate your help.

I wouldn't beat myself up about making some admin mistake, I am assuming, even if you didn't make it, you would still have to pay those bills, and the only difference would be, you'd have about that up front?

Why don't you find out whether you can deffer paying them? In the UK (I am assuming again, as you're using pound symbol) it should be fairly easy, could you not pay 100 every month instead of paying it all at once?

You're saying you only have months to get pregnant, not years, should that not be your prioroty then? House can be finished later.

Thank you carbonmonoxide.

What you say makes total sense too! How confusing. That's great advice re paying the bills (I am in the UK) and as for the house - it can wait... Maybe that's the thing to do... If I were to have a baby anyway, the need for a studio would be diminished. I'd like to keep painting but I wouldn't be able to do so much anyway...

This is all so helpful, even if you're both giving slightly conflicting advice, it's making me think from other angles. So thanks!

I wish I could paint portraits. You have a great talent. Good luck in your business.

Thank you kraftiekortie. I am very lucky that I can because I'm pretty unemployable!!

Thank you AsPartOfMe

I've really needed to talk to people who understand and see/feel things more like I do. It's great to have found this place.