Why don't NTs understand that I LIKE being alone?

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Arcnarenth
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26 Mar 2016, 1:32 am

I don't understand why this position is met with confusion and sometimes outright hostility. I like being alone. I enjoy my own company and often prefer it to the company of others. When I'm by myself I can do as I please without having to go with the status quo. This makes perfect, logical sense to me, but is apparently seen as asinine to others.

I decided recently to move back in with my parents and out of the house I was sharing with my sister and brother-in-law. My dad works out of the state during the week and is only home on weekends and my mom works until 5, but aside from eating together, she pretty much lets me do my own thing. She was on vacation last week so I essentially had the whole house to myself and honestly I loved it.

Since the move, my sister and brother-in-law have been guilt tripping me like crazy asking me things like "What's wrong with you?", "Why don't you ever come hang out anymore?", "I'm bored without you around", or even "Are you mad at us for something?"

Nothing is wrong with me and I'm not mad at them, but I'm getting increasingly frustrated with this situation. Why does it seem like their happiness is dependent on my constant presence? I almost start to feel like I'm seen as a marionette whose only purpose is for their amusement.

Is this an NT or extrovert thing? Having to be constantly surrounded by people to feel validated? I feel smothered in a situation like that. I'll admit to not fully understanding their position, but I hate being made to feel like I'm 'bad' or 'wrong' for mine.



mikeman7918
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26 Mar 2016, 1:46 am

Many extroverts see introversion as a sign of depression, and your family might also see you getting away from them as a sign of you not liking them. Empathy gets much harder when multiple types of minds are involved, and extroverts seem to find it harder to understand that some people prefer to be alone.


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cathylynn
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26 Mar 2016, 1:48 am

it's an extrovert thing. they get their energy from interaction, while we get ours from being alone. through them a bone. spend a couple hours a week with them.



Yigeren
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26 Mar 2016, 1:48 am

They miss you. It doesn't seem like hostility to me. They are wondering why you don't miss them.



Arcnarenth
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26 Mar 2016, 2:03 am

I can understand the concern about depression. It's been a lifelong struggle for me so I can see how my wanting to be alone could be seen as a sign of isolation common in depression. Maybe I need to go a bit further in stressing that my decision to do so is not because I'm depressed or more so than usual.

To the other comments, it's not like I've completely cut off my family either. I went over to spend time with my brother-in-law both last night and tonight. It's just that after a few hours when I mention that I'm leaving or getting ready to I get the "Oh you're leaving? You're not going to stay? Whatever..." type of comments. It seriously feels like he thinks that when he's not working, I need to be around to hang out with him and he gets pissed off when I'd rather do something else...

I dunno... Am I the one being selfish here? :?



nurseangela
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26 Mar 2016, 2:15 am

Arcnarenth wrote:
I can understand the concern about depression. It's been a lifelong struggle for me so I can see how my wanting to be alone could be seen as a sign of isolation common in depression. Maybe I need to go a bit further in stressing that my decision to do so is not because I'm depressed or more so than usual.

To the other comments, it's not like I've completely cut off my family either. I went over to spend time with my brother-in-law both last night and tonight. It's just that after a few hours when I mention that I'm leaving or getting ready to I get the "Oh you're leaving? You're not going to stay? Whatever..." type of comments. It seriously feels like he thinks that when he's not working, I need to be around to hang out with him and he gets pissed off when I'd rather do something else...

I dunno... Am I the one being selfish here? :?


Maybe he wants to be around you more than his wife? Most married men don't have any guy friends and another thing could be that you serve like a buffer - they may find it hard to spend time with each other without you.


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Yigeren
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26 Mar 2016, 2:20 am

I'm sure that they don't understand why you need to be alone. Easiest way that I can see to correct that problem is to explain exactly how you are and why you feel the way you do about socializing. Be direct. Assure them that you do enjoy spending time with them and promise to do so every so often. Make a schedule, like once or twice a week.

I often want to be alone but others in my family feel offended if I don't call or try to spend time with them often enough. It's probably good for me to do so, anyway. Life is unpredictable, and you never know what could happen. I think it's important to appreciate people while they are here, because you never know how long that will be. I've found that out recently.



nurseangela
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26 Mar 2016, 3:10 am

Yigeren wrote:
I'm sure that they don't understand why you need to be alone. Easiest way that I can see to correct that problem is to explain exactly how you are and why you feel the way you do about socializing. Be direct. Assure them that you do enjoy spending time with them and promise to do so every so often. Make a schedule, like once or twice a week.

I often want to be alone but others in my family feel offended if I don't call or try to spend time with them often enough. It's probably good for me to do so, anyway. Life is unpredictable, and you never know what could happen. I think it's important to appreciate people while they are here, because you never know how long that will be. I've found that out recently.


This is true.


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Spiderpig
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26 Mar 2016, 3:14 am

If you like being alone, you consider it better than their company and this is offensive. Can't win.


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nurseangela
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26 Mar 2016, 3:34 am

I'd just say it like it is - you're Aspie and you need your alone time. No matter what, both sides are not going to be happy.

This is just one example to my theory that whatever NT's want, Aspies want the opposite.


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EzraS
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26 Mar 2016, 4:09 am

Sounds like they really enjoy having you around.



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26 Mar 2016, 10:54 am

I think it's a extrovert thing and even introverts go through this too. People on the autism spectrum are more introverted.


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crazybunnylady
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26 Mar 2016, 11:05 am

Because most people seem to have trouble grasping that other people's brains and experiences are different to theirs.

Because most NTs are what I would call 'social vampires'.

Because people tend to take things personally and think everything is all about them.

NTs eh :roll:


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26 Mar 2016, 11:41 am

Arcnarenth wrote:
t's not like I've completely cut off my family either. I went over to spend time with my brother-in-law both last night and tonight. It's just that after a few hours when I mention that I'm leaving or getting ready to I get the "Oh you're leaving? You're not going to stay? Whatever..." type of comments.


Did I get this right? You moved back with your parents (to save on bills I'm assuming) and then you're coming back to spend time with them, a few hours two days in a row. Did it occure to you this comment may be sarcastic?