How do you know?

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I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post in, so please let me know if I should put it elsewhere (I'm very new here). Basically, I'm just wondering how you cant ell if you are on the autism spectrum? My parents have never talked about it that I can remember except an offhand comment several years ago I disregarded. In the last few years, I guess I've finally been mature enough and to have read enough to recognize signs of autism in myself? My mother has confirmed that my father and sister are on the spectrum, but she still has never talked about it more than a few times. I'm not sure how to bring it up to her or if I want to at all. Is there any way to know?

You can't actually "know" unless you have been officially diagnosed by a mental healthcare worker.

But many people on WP are "self diagnosed" ( strongly suspect they are aspergian, or autistic).

I was in that category myself for a short period on WP before I got the intense battery of tests to be officially diagnosed.

you're welcome here even if you're not official (like a large chuck of the population here). And you have family members who are on the spectrum (so even you're not on the spectrum you're involved with family members who are like many nonautistics who come to WP). Another aspie site I used to go to had the slogan "this site is for austistics, and those who love them". It could apply to this site as well. You may well be in the first category, and you're definitely in the second category of folks. Either way you can get something out of coming here.

Since autism is now defined by a set of core traits even the expert diagnosis is subjective, or a very educated guess. If you want a official diagnosis do not go to just any mental health worker, go to a clinicion that is an Autism expert in how Autism presents in females.

In any case as mentioned above, Wrong Planet is a place to get help with Autistic traits.

It sounds like something you can relate to at least. But you know outside of an official diagnosis, it unfortunately falls into probably or maybe or maybe not. Who can know for sure?

I always knew that I was different. Well, not always. But probably from the time of first or second grade. Possibly even before, but I don't clearly remember my very early childhood. I just knew that I was different, and that I could not relate to others, and that I didn't ever think the way that others did, and couldn't do the same things that they could.

I had never met anyone with whom I could relate, and always wondered why I was so strange and different. So when I read about the experiences of those with ASD, I had finally found something to which I could relate. And it was as though the experiences that others with ASD had written about could have been written by me. So I knew.

And then I got evaluated and got diagnosed. But I don't know how most other people have felt or how they knew before being diagnosed. Many were diagnosed as children, so I expect that they wouldn't remember.

I just know that I am very, very different. And it's usually pretty obvious to most other people as well once they have talked to me for a bit

For me, I feel the only way to know is to get a diagnosis.
I know a lot of people can be self-diagnosed, but I know I personally wouldn't feel satisfied...I have too many questions and doubts.
I'm finding it hard at the moment so I can't really tell you if there is a way to know or not. Everyone feels differently about getting diagnosed.

But, if you suspect something, chances are that's not going to be entirely baseless and it's definitely worth investing your time and attention to. (At the very least you've explored and learnt something! Maybe even look up other options too?)
I started questioning things when I started to live more independently as an adult and started attending university...when I realised I communicated differently from others in the class, and that's when I started feeling like I may well just be wired that way, or have some sort of social anxiety (I looked into that and ruled that out.)
I already knew of AS as my partner is aspie, but until then I'd never thought to look into how it affects females or really looked at it in relation to myself.

And then when I did there were several things that I just felt were so very true of me, and others that weren't even remotely close. Sometimes I feel "Yeah I must have AS on some level, I'm on to something here" at other times I just doubt myself all over again and am back to square one.

But as with anything, you don't always tick all the boxes and if you're unsure of yourself in any way it will probably feel like you don't really know at all. If you're like me, it might just take another opinion from someone (with a professional title to their name or not) to help point your thoughts one way or another.

Talking to other people is a really helpful part of the process - they can recall things you've forgotten, or let you know how your behaviours appear from their point of view etc. Communication will also make things a lot easier for the future too, so I would definitely consider talking to your parents and family about it, even if you're unsure and only have suspicions.
Pick a quiet moment, mention some difficulties you're having , ask for some advice and raise some of the thoughts you've been having about the possibility of having AS? People might not agree, but at least they'll know you've been thinking about that. If you think it's worth exploring, then it is, no matter other's opinions. Though I can only assume your family might be more open to the possibility considering you have other relatives on the spectrum?