Touchy Feely

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I can't figure myself out.

Im trying to make sense of hugging from an Aspie perspective if that is indeed truly me. If I am Aspie, then my reaction to touch doesn't make sense.

I like holding hands, I like being touched, I like hugs. I want to initiate more, I want to hold hands, I want to touch, I want to hug.

But if Im stood next to someone and their arm touches mine, I get creeped out and move my arm away. If I like touch so much, why am I mortified by someone touching me like that? But if someone comes up to me and purposefully touches my arm, my hand, or gives me a hug, Im fine with that.

So what is it? Why do I get creeped out in ambiguous touch scenarios? If I like being touched, why can't I just stay there and accept it?

Another thing, when Im with people I want to talk to, I find I'll actually excuse myself from the situation and be annoyed with myself for not trying more. I'll make an excuse, say I have to leave. I don't have to leave at all. I just feel very self concious and uncomfortable and if I stay there any longer then... I don't know. They'll find me out? Im cognitively trying to work out, have I been there too long?

I personally very rarely like being touched. I have to be in the mood for it, and prepared for it. If I initiate contact, then it's no problem. Specifically, I really hate being touched unexpectedly. And certain parts of my body are more sensitive.

I have heard some people say that they hate light touch and unexpected touch, but that other things don't bother them. So I don't think that what you are experiencing would be that unusual if you are an aspie.

If it is someone I am comfortable with, then I have no problem most times. Strangers though, completely different story.

I'm very much the same way. I love to be touched and hugged.

That's not unheard of, at all ! Some people on the spectrum feel very comfortable, even 'safer', with firm-pressure contact. Weighted blankets, tight hugs, even being wrapped in a blanket (so long as they don't feel trapped). Therapists even have special "squeezers" that look like two or three body-sized bumpers to make the person feel secure by pushing them from all sides at once with a firm, deep pressure. Yet for some of them, light contact is completely overstimulating. Different set of nerves, for one thing - skin/hair vs muscle/skeleton. Different processing in the nervous system, too, as they serve different survival purposes (or would, if we still lived in the wild, anyway).

@Edenthiel, could you explain the last bit more? Different processing for different survival systems? Sounded interesting. I also like firm-pressure.

I go both ways on touching, depending on the situation. I like being given a shoulder rub and even cuddled sometimes by my immediate family.

But at the same time dislike holding their hand when we are out places, so usually it is the crook of the arm thing or holding my shoulder.

Also at a theater, I do not like their arm or leg touching mine. Don't know why that is, just how I am particular about being touched.

Last edited by EzraS on 13 Apr 2016, 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

If I'm at a theatre, and somebody is touching me, I find that too intimate.

This is especially if a stranger woman is touching my leg, and I'm touching hers. Sparks can fly (alas, the good type of sparks!)

Relationship situation I love been touched, cuddling and hugging.

Friends I have no problem hugging.

Been touched by people other than that hate it, unless I initiate. Like shaking hands I am semi ok with that I sometimes hesitate. People look at me odd when I stare at their hand like there holding a turd :S

I have no problem with being touched by someone I know and I'm expecting it.
I can't stand it when people brush arms and/or legs against me (for example, if travelling on a plane and I'm sat next to someone I don't know). Being quite tall this happens a lot and is one of the reasons that I have had breakdowns when going to town and having lots of shoppers bustle past and bang their bags into me.

I've had times when my wife has sneaked up on me to give me a hug and even though I know she's in the house, if I'm not expecting it it is not a pleasurable experience. Also if I'm concentrating on something else (such as playing a game) I find it difficult to cuddle with her.
I work hard to control myself so that we are able to be intimate and hold hands etc. In fact, holding her hand can be a way to calm me down when I get overwhelmed.

I think this is one of those cases where it is each to their own. There is nothing to say that you will always like or dislike being touched. Just as there are some clothes that I can't stand to wear (looking at you polo shirt), and others which I like wearing (such as cotton shirts)

We're a bit like cats. They will graciously tolerate people showing physical affection now and then - but preferably on their own terms, when they're in the mood for it. Otherwise they prefer to be left alone.

Haha great analogy

I have always felt as if I were more like a cat than a person, actually. I think this analogy is pretty accurate, at least for me.

As others have said, I really hate it when someone is right next to me and is slightly touching my leg or arm. It drives me crazy, and I can't stop thinking about it. For whatever reason I find it threatening and very uncomfortable. I will get really anxious and panicky. I also don't like it when people are too close to me even when not touching me.

Yes, I love physical contact. But don't get your hands anywhere near my face. Don't try to massage my shoulders either because that hurts. But otherwise, all my past girlfriends have had to pry themselves away from my kung fu grip of love.