is our personality enough to make someone not like you/hate

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Deinonychus
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16 Apr 2016, 7:52 am

like im quiet alot of the time.

are people bothered by this?

does quiet also mean a stupid person to them?


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Hyperborean
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16 Apr 2016, 8:20 am

In my experience, quiet people are often extremely intelligent but choose not to broadcast the fact. It doesn't bother me at all, but NTs tend to associate not saying much with being stupid.

The opposite is often true: as the old saying goes: 'Empty vessels make the most noise'.



slenkar
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16 Apr 2016, 9:07 am

NT's comment on me being quiet but that makes me self conscious and even more quiet



kalmrain
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16 Apr 2016, 11:58 am

From my personal experience (being a quiet person) they never thought I was stupid but were 'unnerved' by the fact that I was quiet. Reason being they had no idea what was going on in my head. Most people tend to talk out how they feel to each other, but I would mainly just sit/stand and listen to them, observing the interaction and making conclusions/talking in my head. I felt like I'd be butting into the conversation if I said something, (and sometimes this was true) but mostly they wanted to know what my opinion was or if I was even interested in the topic/s altogether.

Social interaction isn't easy and I always feel like I have to explain what I mean when I'm talking so it doesn't sound like I'm saying something else. I started just saying from the outset that I'm awkward socially and get a weird look and the reassurance I'm just fine, but you never truly know. Shrugs. (I've had to be in social situations more than I care too due to my son being diagnosed with autism when he was a month from 3 years old, that was almost 4 years ago now.)



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16 Apr 2016, 2:08 pm

No one has ever had an issue with me being so quiet. Most people would just think you're shy or asocial.


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Aristophanes
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16 Apr 2016, 2:16 pm

League_Girl wrote:
No one has ever had an issue with me being so quiet. Most people would just think you're shy or asocial.


Lol, I get "angry and intimidating". It may just be a gender thing or based off of my body-type or something to that effect. I know my "oh s**t, you've gotta be joking because that's f'ing ridiculous" face seems to convey anger and not shock like it's intended to, but there's only so much I can do with that.



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16 Apr 2016, 2:56 pm

I'm not always quiet, but people often think I'm angry or depressed when I am. It's just the way that I look. Sometimes people do assume that I'm stupid. I know that I give that impression at times.

But yes, many people do not like my personality at first. Or they do like me at first, while I'm faking being normal, but once my personality comes out, they don't like me. And then, after a longer period of time, when they really get to know me, they like me.

I can be blunt and abrasive. I'm very opinionated and stubborn. I seem callous at times. I'm very honest. I don't do what people expect. I don't act like everyone else. I'm interested in things that others don't care about. I don't care about things that most people seem to care about. People don't understand the way that I think. My ideas and opinions are usually based on logic instead of emotion.

I also think for myself and refuse to go along with the crowd. That means that I'm less likely to "fit in" with any group, as I refuse to just agree with everyone in order to belong. So I never belong anywhere. Even people on WP seem to have a tendency to form "groups" of people who feel a particular way about certain things.

But I'm not a liberal nor am I a conservative. I'm not completely for nor completely against a cure for autism. I don't feel autism is a gift nor a curse. I also don't really like the things that seem to attract a lot of people with ASD, like anime or computers.

So I'm pretty sure that my autistic traits keep people from liking me. But some people like me because of those traits. :?



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16 Apr 2016, 3:59 pm

I find I am indifferent to lot of things, I don't really have an opinion about lot of stuff or care to form one about anything I care nothing about. If I don't know a lot about something, I don't form an opinion about it so I am quiet and there is nothing for me to say. I also find I am not as judgmental as lot of people are so that also makes me not say much. I also don't share politics or religion. I never liked social chit chat where people just sit around and talk about stuff and lot of it is I don't even care about. But yet no one has ever had a problem with me being quiet. :? It's hard for me to know if people like me or not. Only way I can tell is if they treat me like dirt and they treat everyone else with respect but me or if they are critical of me and always get frustrated with me. And also when a bunch of people are talking, it's hard for me to talk anyway and to keep up with the topic and I find it's better I keep quiet or else I will annoy them when I open my mouth. If it's only one person or a couple other people I am fine. There is less competition and less talking and it's easier to keep up and to talk. Also when I am interrupted, I lose my train of thought and then I forget what I was going to say and by the time I know what I wanted to say, it's too late, other people are already talking. This happens with one and one too and the topic has moved on by the time I have something to say. So I often avoid group conversations. In high school I tried and all I got was kids mad at me and them not being very nice. If it's people I actually know such as family, then I am fine because they seem to accept me. But since high school I have avoided joining in conversations and contributing to them ever since. Wait that is a lie, I would have them at work with my co workers when I lived in Montana and I got told one day lot of things I say are rude. I was surprised they never reacted to it when they thought I was. Now I feel uninterested. But no one has ever given me feedback about my quietness or me talking. Kids didn't tell me in high school what they thought of me and I don't know if this counts but online I was told a couple years ago I didn't seem to get different perspectives and that I am argumentative. Yes I have gotten this accusation in real life too until I cut back on talking and not saying anything to people when they say stuff to me I don't agree with or when I have my own opinion. This person online also told me my comments were somewhat bigotry. But I know this is only one person so my rule of thumb is to not take any feedback seriously until it comes from another person's mouth but if it's only one person that has said it, it's only their opinion. If another person has the same thought and accuses you of it, then it's time to think of your actions and how you are approaching people and try and figure out what you are doing wrong. So the argumentative thing hit close to home and it reinforced my social anxiety and made me think my social skills are bad and my communication and I don't take false accusations well so that also gives me anxiety too and makes me more asocial and withdrawn because I worry I am going to come off wrong and not say things right and that I am going to piss someone off and do the wrong thing. I sometimes wished I didn't care and was indifferent to the criticism because I think my life would be easier.


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16 Apr 2016, 6:55 pm

The original posit: "
is our personality enough to make someone not like you/hate "

Would be a simple yes. I think that would be true for anyone. I've seen NT people get near each other for the first meeting and it's like watching cats bow the back and raise the hairs. The street stops as people run in fear because they hear the wind whispering in distant cat like hisses....

It's literally like that. I saw two people meet for the first time once at a social gathering and the instant dislike was so palpable that the people around them stopped and backed up a step or two.

If I picked up on it, it had to be bad.....

I actually wonder if it is worse for them because they pick up on a lot of signals we don't.


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16 Apr 2016, 7:30 pm

I do sometimes come off as being rude and/or aloof, and because of my language processing difficulties I don't always sound intelligent. Also, neurotipicals often find it hard to deal with our tendencies and impairments which for some may be reason enough to dislike us.


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16 Apr 2016, 10:04 pm

Quote:
Is Our Personality Enough To Make Someone Not Like You/Hate
Of course someone's personality is enough to make someone dislike someone else. Isn't personality (or at least how they come off) the reason why we all dislike some people?
random1 wrote:
like im quiet alot of the time.

are people bothered by this?

does quiet also mean a stupid person to them?
Apparently quiet bothers some people a lot. From what I hear, quiet can be thought by others to be several things, most of them negative, among them the quiet people feeling superior to the yappers, being stupid, rude, or weird. Or just shy. Or they think the quiet person must be angry, sad, worried or sick.
Like others have already pointed out, their assumption is often wrong, but there ya go.

It doesn't really surprise me that the talkative type is bothered by it, as I know I dislike talkative people, especially when they decide I'm the one they decide should be made to talk, which makes me wanna talk to them even less. The very fact that someone is being pushy makes me very stubborn and even more aloof than I usually am.
I have no idea why someone says opposites attract; for me at least they repel.


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16 Apr 2016, 10:09 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
It doesn't really surprise me that the talkative type is bothered by it, as I know I dislike talkative people, especially when they decide I'm the one they decide should be made to talk, which makes me wanna talk to them even less. The very fact that someone is being pushy makes me very stubborn and even more aloof than I usually am.
I have no idea why someone says opposites attract; for me at least they repel.

Oh I'm like this too. If someone gets really pushy and feels "entitled" to some sort of reaction from me, well I'll show them just how little control they have over me. It's almost like oppositional defiant disorder, except it's not with everyone, all the time-- only specific people that feel they have control over me in situations they do not, which is most of the time.



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16 Apr 2016, 10:48 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
Skilpadde wrote:
It doesn't really surprise me that the talkative type is bothered by it, as I know I dislike talkative people, especially when they decide I'm the one they decide should be made to talk, which makes me wanna talk to them even less. The very fact that someone is being pushy makes me very stubborn and even more aloof than I usually am.
I have no idea why someone says opposites attract; for me at least they repel.

Oh I'm like this too. If someone gets really pushy and feels "entitled" to some sort of reaction from me, well I'll show them just how little control they have over me. It's almost like oppositional defiant disorder, except it's not with everyone, all the time-- only specific people that feel they have control over me in situations they do not, which is most of the time.
I've noticed that sometimes talkative people like to be around quiet people because they just like to talk. Not converse.


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RAADS-R -- 213.3
FQ -- 18.7
EQ -- 13
Aspie Quiz -- 186 out of 200
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Aristophanes
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16 Apr 2016, 11:07 pm

zkydz wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
Skilpadde wrote:
It doesn't really surprise me that the talkative type is bothered by it, as I know I dislike talkative people, especially when they decide I'm the one they decide should be made to talk, which makes me wanna talk to them even less. The very fact that someone is being pushy makes me very stubborn and even more aloof than I usually am.
I have no idea why someone says opposites attract; for me at least they repel.

Oh I'm like this too. If someone gets really pushy and feels "entitled" to some sort of reaction from me, well I'll show them just how little control they have over me. It's almost like oppositional defiant disorder, except it's not with everyone, all the time-- only specific people that feel they have control over me in situations they do not, which is most of the time.
I've noticed that sometimes talkative people like to be around quiet people because they just like to talk. Not converse.

It's not that I'm against talking-- I'm against the entitled attitude that all social interaction has to happen a certain way. I'm not the naive autistic that just "doesn't get it", I'm the type that does "get it" and just happens to be slow in responding or just so uninterested that I can't feign interest. So when someone gets up in my business about my interaction style I do everything in my power to subvert them and piss them off because I'm just not going to let them have their way because they feel entitled to it. They want me to act a certain way, well then, let's take it straight back to the jungle since they're apply jungle "pack" laws and see if they can make me act the way they want-- it's amazing how quickly people back off a challenge when they meet someone who's willing to go all in, and doesn't believe in the "posturing" game. Doesn't do me any favors with the broader group, but it does establish social boundaries that others don't cross.



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17 Apr 2016, 12:15 am

I've been sort of defiant lately when in social situations. I used to just give in and act in the manner in which I knew people wanted me to act. Basically just pretending to be like everyone else for as long as I had to.

Lately I haven't cared to bother as much. Probably because I was diagnosed not long ago and am tired of people making me feel as if there is something wrong with me if I don't behave as they do. Now that I know there is a reason for it, I don't feel as though I should have to pretend all the time.

So if I didn't feel like talking, I didn't bother. I didn't go around the room and socialize. I didn't play the game. I sat in my little corner. People didn't like it, that's for sure. I'm not sure if standing up for myself is worth the negative reactions I have to deal with. If a person doesn't go along with the group, it doesn't matter who's right. All that seems to matter is that there are more of them than there are of you, and you aren't following their rules.