Watching your friends with other friends

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Maybe this is easier to do nowadays with facebook, but I can remember 10 years ago or so having one good friend. I felt comfortable with her. Then I saw her with her other friends and she seemed different. I could just tell that the way she interacted with them was different than how she interacted with me.

The more I read, the more I think that maybe most people are like that, depending on who they are with. But it really bothered me at the time.

And now, with facebook, I can see my current friend doing all sorts of things with her other friends. And they're very different from our own interactions - largely, because my friend knows my particular interaction style and goes with it. But it still bothers me a little bit that she is different with me and different with her other friends.

I know 10 years ago I thought that meant I was lacking. Now, I don't think that, but it's still weird to see someone I know well be someone else.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I have caught myself doing this with different friends and family members.

One friend was into deep conversations and I just went with that.

I was reading about this phenomenon in a sociology book not too long ago. In the past couple years. But I don't remember which one. It was possibly something by Neil Postman.

There was an anecdote of a woman shopping with her daughter. The daughter asked her why didn't her mom buy this fancy red dress. The mom said, "A dress like that isn't for people like me, it's for someone important." The daughter replied, "But if you wear the dress, you'll BE important."

The idea is that if circumstances around us change, we change our behavior, and become a different person. According to the author (Postman?), the world didn't use to be like this. People were authentic personalities, who stayed in that personality despite the situation or environment. The author said after a postmodern world (with TV, radio, mass produced goods, etc), it was possible, desirable, and normal to change identities in the same way you change clothes.

An odd thought.

I notice that people change depending on circumstances. I think that should be normal. But, at the same time, I have no idea if I do that. I don't think I do, but, I've been finding a lot of things I thought were one way aren't that way at all...or maybe they are.......

If I have a deep thought and I'm sure the person will appreciate it then I'll express that,
or if I'm around someone who has no interest in that subject I won't mention it because it will be a negative experience.
the other person either feigns interest or just brushes off what I'm saying, so there is no point.

Then you have different interaction styles with service staff, your parents etc.

I agree that you can dress above your station and pass yourself off as something but I think the different ways of acting is just human nature.

I have often noticed that my friends seem to have more fun with their other friends than with me, because the other friends are more neurotypical or just funnier.

People act differently with other people simply because other people are different people.

I wouldn't act the same with my lover than I would act with my supervisor.

Yes,we all tend to have a distinctive persona for different people and circumstances, showing different aspects of ourselves or projecting perceived or desirable aspects we want unto people, many times I think we do this unconsciously to some degree or another, though we also can consciously modify our behavior in an attempt to acheive a desirable result.

I act differently depending on the person I'm talking to, mainly because there are people I feel more comfortable around. I can be the joking type at home, but extremely quiet in large groups, for example.

It does make sense that people act differently around different people. I just remember it feeling really weird at the time to realize that my friend is different with me than with others. But I guess those others would see the same thing.

I feel like I'm pretty consistent once someone gets to know me - I guess someone who just met me would find me different than someone who knows me well. But the person I really am doesn't change.