It sounds like depression to me too. I know what it's like to live a repetitive routine and I've done this while suffering from depression in 2005 and 2006.
And I know how it feels to be different than everyone else in your household, and feeling misunderstood. Well, is that how you feel, misunderstood but those you live(d) with? As a child, my thing was trains, cartoons, and video games, and maybe the Internet, which I didn't start really using until 2000. But I would spend lots of time in my room playing with my toys, drawing pictures, watching TV, and isolating myself from others, although I have spent time with others even by choice.
But I too have suffered from depression and would live a repetitive routine. It was much harder on weekends than on weekdays, although I have done some different things or broke my needless routines.
And I too had a fear of change/changing (sadly, I still do). I mean I have things about myself I don't want to change but things I have to try to change that I'm scared to do, much of it I'd rather not talk about, sorry, I'm closed right there!
May I ask you something, do you, any of you, also suffer from anxiety, well not just any anxiety but high amounts of it?
I too have had that feeling of having a spark to do something but then later losing my motivation to do it. And I myself am guilty of wasting much of my time, and that's no fun. It's no fun sitting or laying around letting the day(s) go by, especially over something trivial, or what seems that way to others around you but isn't to you.
"Trivial" is a word I really don't like to use for pyschological purposes but I didn't know what else to say, and that's a hard word for me to use. Now I must stop because if I talk about it any further it could affect me negatively! If you ask why, I may hesitate to answer.
And I too have suffered from loss of interests and even after a decade gone by, some of my interests are still lost to me and there are some things I'm afraid to or have absolutely no desire to go back to. Thankfully some of my interests I've long lost have come back though it wasn't easy and it was gradual.
Do you see anybody for what you have? Like doctors, therapists, a case manager? And do you take anything for your problems (you don't have to answer or specify. Whatever you're not comfortable sharing, don't, not until you're ready.)
If you have depression, I'd assess or analyse the situation, what may be the cause for it, and see someone about it. You may be reluctant and I can understand that but you should try it if that's the case. Take all the time you need but try not to wait too long. Or you can try to recover without having to see someone. One thing you need to do is try to regain a positive view of life.
Admittedly, "the spirit is eager, but the flesh is weak."
07 Sep 2016, 11:59 am
