Should I tell my [aspie] father?

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The past couple of weeks have been rather intense. With a random discovery about ASD, all my life makes sense, random past memories and situations come up with explanation. My wife finally understands that my behaviours are genuine, when she often thought I didn't love her, I was interested in other people, and I was constantly lying because people are just not like this. All my complains over the years, all my thoughts and struggles, all of them point to ASD.

Now that my life has turned upside down, everything I thought was true is not, and my perception is actually different than others, and the majority of others. I start to question everything. From a point of relief comes anxiety. Obviously, nothing changes, but now I found words and descriptions to these ongoing struggles that going in a very dark place.

I then realised my grandmother (who passed away) had the reputation of being extremely "naive", my grandfather (who also passed away) detested music and was an extremely intelligent man, and my aunt (who also passed away) always believed her [married] lovers would leave their wives for her, and according to my dad, she would bring homeless people home to wash their hair, but then they robbed her. My dad, obsessed with music and excellent linguistic, has the same struggles as me. My household growing up was my dad, grandmother and I, so I know nothing else. For me, my perception of the world has always been normal, and I assume it was like that too for my dad. Our family simply is too kind, honest and intelligent. We all complain about friends, people, and not understanding what people want or don't want - they should just SAY it with clear words. Why go around in circles. We share this frustration amongst ourselves. It was only after living together with my wife that I realised that my frustration wasn't "typical".

My dad and I are first and second generation scandinavians born abroad, so we always blamed cultural differences and language barriers, and we seemed content with it. But now, after my "discovery", which I think I want diagnosed, I am wondering if I should mention it to my dad that he might be in the same boat as me. I don't want to rock his world, hurt him, and make him feel more isolated than he already is, because that is a little how I am feeling right now.

Undiagnosed or diagnosed, did you discuss with your undiagnosed aspie parents? How did that go?

Last edited by Dulin on 23 Apr 2016, 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You know your father best, so maybe you should find the answer yourself.
But I'll just give you my own idea. The ASD type of condition my mother has, of which I guess it's same as mine, made her worrisome, having difficulty with anything out of the ordinary, normal, daily routine. Because she 's older, and retired, and happy with her house and garden, her daily routine of going shopping and visiting the few family members she knows, there's no need to bother her.
It's perhaps also a question how good you can communicate. My mom rather doesn't talk about difficulties, rather not go to a doctor, unless there's no way out, etc. (her intolerance for anything out of the ordinary)
If there's any problem, that I have to mention, she claims "I think too much", "read to much", etc. Perhaps your father is more open to communication.
Finally point: if the news might already be discomforting to your father, perhaps also the idea that he passed this condition on to you

I was in a similar situation as this. I blamed my social problems on the fact that I was a science nerd/geek living in a farm/country community. And everybody that lived there, wanted to live a simple life, and had no interest in, or was afraid of any of the nerdy/science stuff I was in to. Unfortunately, when I finally left that area and started actually hanging around other nerds/geeks. I found myself in the same "social" situation as I was in back at the farm. Talk about a rude awakening. This eventually lead to my diagnoses of Asperger's.



There is this quote from the movie "Apollo 13" that went like this, "Can they do something about it?","No","Well then they don't need to know about it!.". If you haven't figure it out already, there is no cure for ASD conditions. So telling your dad about this could be like "Going from the frying pan, and into the fire.". I will leave that choice up to you. But having to face the truth can be a hard pill to swallow at time. When I learned about ASD and knowing that there is no cure for it. It really hit me hard. It in essence, destroyed my faith and hope for the future. So it all depends on how your dad takes it really, because once you tell him, there's no turning back. So your dad may be in a situation where ignorance is bliss.