Half the reason why I don't make eye contact

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KBABZ
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25 Apr 2007, 1:29 am

It seems that whenever I make eye contact with somebody, they INSTANTLY know you're doing it, and so turn to look at you and wonder why you do. If people didn't do this, I'd look at them in the eyes more often, and this problem stops me looking in their eyes when I don't want to interact with them, which kinda discourages me doing it more often in a social situation.

Does anyone else get this?


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SamuraiSaxen
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25 Apr 2007, 1:47 am

I have experienced this, but now I don't make eye contact because this distracts me and I get nervous :?

Also, when I'm among people and I'm doing something (drawing, writting, playing), sometimes I feel someone is looking me, I get nervous.



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25 Apr 2007, 1:50 am

I have been told I have the look of a predator. It produces a fight or flee response. I can look at the back of someones head and they feel it. They look around, I look somewhere else, but watch from the side, and when they turn away I look at the back of their head again. It works best from directly behind.

We got something, and some fools keep saying we should learn to make eye contact. They have never met me.

I can also read a lot, not what I am supposed to, the eyes are windows to the soul, and I see deep. Guys freak out, but girls like it, if they know you.

Wear sunglasses.



RedMage
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25 Apr 2007, 2:12 am

I can only look my family in the eyes when I talk to them.



TellerStar
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25 Apr 2007, 2:32 am

RedMage wrote:
I can only look my family in the eyes when I talk to them.
I'm better with my family as well. Anyone else I'm really bad so that's why I think a lot of people end up thinking I'm really shy. I'm not really shy just don't like eye contact.



0_equals_true
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25 Apr 2007, 2:47 am

I can make eye contact, just prelonged eye contact hurts my eyes. I have have worked. I used to grimace.



RedMage
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25 Apr 2007, 4:01 am

TellerStar wrote:
I'm better with my family as well. Anyone else I'm really bad so that's why I think a lot of people end up thinking I'm really shy. I'm not really shy just don't like eye contact.

Same here. It's easier with family as you see them all the time.



TrishC7
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25 Apr 2007, 4:07 am

One of my main reasons for not making eye contact is that it tends to distract me from a conversation. Also I don't feel as if I have a good sense of 'appropriate' amount of eye contact, from an NT point of view. I either make what they see as too much or too little, generally.



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25 Apr 2007, 4:11 am

I get the same issue with people always seeming to know when I am looking at them. It is uncanny really...even if they have their back to me or I am sat someplace above, they will turn to look at me...then I get flustered and have to turn away generally unless I am in an especially defiant mood. I cannot deal with prolonged eye contact...one male I met up with once who was a sort of spiritual manipulator, sat there and stared at my eyes the whole time and I ended up feeling very ill after, so I don't let that happen now.

I can only keep eye contact with a few people at any one time. Most peoples' eyes unnerve me because I know I can see things in peoples' eyes and I am damned if I want to take the risk of what they might see in mine.



0_equals_true
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25 Apr 2007, 4:16 am

TrishC7 wrote:
One of my main reasons for not making eye contact is that it tends to distract me from a conversation. Also I don't feel as if I have a good sense of 'appropriate' amount of eye contact, from an NT point of view. I either make what they see as too much or too little, generally.

What I learnt is it is a myth that you need to 'maintain' eye contact. NT don't always do as they say. If you just stared at someone their might perceive this as a threat. I not sure the exact amount but if you glance at them and look away while they are talking every now and then to you they like that. It’s kind of like how they need you to repeat their name while talking, its kind of pointless but makes them feel good.



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25 Apr 2007, 5:01 am

I've never liked too much eye-contact. I don't need a reason why or why not.
I don't mind eye-balling if my shields are up.
I prefer wearing shades most of the time; i suggest trying them, it's less of an effort being around people when my are shades on.



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25 Apr 2007, 10:32 am

0_equals_true wrote:
TrishC7 wrote:
One of my main reasons for not making eye contact is that it tends to distract me from a conversation. Also I don't feel as if I have a good sense of 'appropriate' amount of eye contact, from an NT point of view. I either make what they see as too much or too little, generally.

What I learnt is it is a myth that you need to 'maintain' eye contact. NT don't always do as they say. If you just stared at someone their might perceive this as a threat. I not sure the exact amount but if you glance at them and look away while they are talking every now and then to you they like that. It’s kind of like how they need you to repeat their name while talking, its kind of pointless but makes them feel good.


i do this... bouncing your gaze around... it's a good thing that at my work when i do talk most times with people... we're usually drawing either on a board or sheet of paper so it gives me something to look at (other than them)... helps a lot.

KBABZ...

i do what you do... seek out eye contact (i think of it as examining people's eyes, lol) and if it is returned... look away... i also sometimes get impulses to stare people down if when my gaze flickers to them and they're already looking at me... but that's usually only if it's a guy... and not one i'm attracted to.

i've often felt like jane goodal (sp?)


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KimJ
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25 Apr 2007, 10:40 am

Eye contact is one of those, "damned if you, damned if you don't" activities. :roll:
This Aspie at my husband's work has been tagged as a perv or a pedophile because of his "stare". Not because of anything he's done but because of his stare, that he gives to everyone and everything. I was just gazing around a restaurant while eating dinner and the waitress, who liked like a drug abuser freaked out when we made eye contact. She asked if I needed something and said that I gave her a disapproving look, like her mom used to do. Guilty conscience?

NT's maintain that eye contact signifies trustworthiness. So, it's ironic to me that the biggest liars are the ones that make the most eye contact and refer to their sincerity.



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25 Apr 2007, 10:40 am

Quote:
i do what you do... seek out eye contact (i think of it as examining people's eyes, lol) and if it is returned... look away...


I think I do something like this - I'm fine looking at peoples eyes (there very interesting) but once they look at mine I look away. If they cannot look at mine, say I am wearing sunglasses, I don't even need to look away.
I have noticed recently, that my gaze darts around an awful lot though, taking in as much of whats happening as possible.



Sedaka
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25 Apr 2007, 10:46 am

DingoDv wrote:
Quote:
i do what you do... seek out eye contact (i think of it as examining people's eyes, lol) and if it is returned... look away...


I think I do something like this - I'm fine looking at peoples eyes (there very interesting) but once they look at mine I look away. If they cannot look at mine, say I am wearing sunglasses, I don't even need to look away.
I have noticed recently, that my gaze darts around an awful lot though, taking in as much of whats happening as possible.


for me... it's almost as if i want them to perceive me as uninterested in them... like, if they're a potential predator, i want them to think i'm unaware of them... that i've sized them up and decided they're non threatening... but all the while. .. i'm very fully aware of them... (think due to my martial arts training) i play this mental game of keeping tally of their exact positioning until they're farther away... there is an array of things i think whilst doing this, but it depends on the circumstances...


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KBABZ
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25 Apr 2007, 10:50 am

I'd love to be able to look at people's eyes or their faces in general if they didn't turn to look at me, I'd be more socially outgoing if I could do that. That's why I like wearing shades, but I can't find my old pair! :(


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