Maybe I *DON'T* have OCD?

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Feel free to ignore this message everyone, I must be really boring by now...
I'm also interested if any of you have OCD, and if so how it manifests itself, and how it relates to your AS.

I just read that OCD is possibly caused by an autoimmune response to streptococcus in children! I used to have strep throat almost every year growing up!

I was diagnosed with OCD back in the early 90's (actually prior to AS being a diagnosis in the United States). In grade school I started doing stuff in multiples to calm myself down (like, I don't know, touching a door handle in multiples of 2 instead of just once when I opened it). At my worst I was sometimes doing 4's, or even 16 (which seemed like a good number of times, since it was 4 sets of 4).

I'm not as bad now, but I still do some stuff when I start freaking out-I guess it makes me feel like I have some control. I hide it totally in public though, and I'm not as rigid about it all anymore.

I also am weird about keeping stuff "clean", by which I mean, I feel like the clothes I've worn in public are "dirty", and if I sit in a chair at home, it would become "dirty" too, so I'm real careful about keeping one set of clothes for around the house "clean" and separate from my "outside" clothes. (Dosen't this sound totally nuts!)
But I really do feel like there's germs and stuff, and I don't want them in my house, on my bed, etc.

This also extends to hand shaking. I hate shaking people's hands anyway, but I feel like they're dirty, and I need to wash my hands afterwords. For years now I've kept hand sanitizer handy to use after I've had to shake someone's hand (that stuff is wonderful). I LOVED the bit on Monk where this group of people thinks he's this horrible racist because his assistant hands him sanitizer after he shakes this black man's hand. It was SOOO funny because I totally understand! It of course had nothing at all to do with the guy being black, but the people are horrified by Monk being this terrible racist! Thankfully I don't need to do that right after I shake someone's hand. I just remember that it's "dirty", and not to touch anything "clean" until I've had a chance to wash it.

When I was in grade school I also came up with...I'll try to explain. I sort of felt (and still feel to a much more limited extent) that there's like the equivalent of a "string" attached to us, that follows us through doors, houses, whatever. I felt like that like a string, if you leave somewhere through the same entrance, then that string will just come back out with you, but if you used a different entrance, that "string" would get tangled up with that location. So I'd be forever connected to that location. Okay, that's really hard to explain, and sounds COMPLETELY INSANE when I write it out.But to this day, I prefer to always come in to work through the same door, use the same stairwell, if I use the elevator, use it again to go back to the same floor, etc. Geez that sounds like I’m stark raving mad, but I’m not! I promise! (And I'm not literally talking about a string of course, but that's the kind of connection it would be like.)

Okay, so that all sounds like OCD, right?

But I was just reading the official OCD criteria to try to answer another thread, and...I'm not sure they exactly match up with me. Maybe never did. I'll run through them:

Yeah, I guess I have this. Mine are typically something I said wrong. Like I'll remember a conversation I had where I didn't understand what I was supposed to say, and I feel like I made a fool of myself. Stuff like that will pop in my head. I'll also sometimes freak out that I'm going to lose my job (which terrifies me, because I feel like I'd quite likely have to kill myself without it because I don't have a degree and couldn't do most of the work I can get without a degree). Occasionally the worry might pop in my head that "what if I hurt someone", or "what if my mom gets sick" or something.

So I guess this fits OCD.



I don't think this fits. All of mine are pretty much DIRECTLY about real-life problems, or real-life stuff I'm terrified of.



Sort of. I (some of the time) use repetitive stuff to try to calm myself (which would be neutralizing them with some other...action). At home in the last few years I've often shouted out "I'm stupid" or "I'm an idiot" when I think of some interaction I should have done better (and it's stuff I'm not even sure the other person would have really noticed, or remember-but I'll sometimes remember it years later!)



I guess I fit this, although I used to REALLY need to do the repetitive stuff to calm down, and my anxiety will still go up a bit if I don't do something mild every now and then (though now if I forget to, the anxiety just passes and I don't think I need to later).



I don't think I do this.



Sort of. My rules aren't very ridged anymore, and I'm not sure I have actual OCD obsessions, so therefore if I don't, I couldn't be doing rituatls in response to an obsession.
So I'm not sure I fit this, at least not anymore.



Yes, I have this.



My obsessions and compulsions (if what I do qualifies) don't take up more than an hour a day...at least I don't think so (though when my mind is free to wander, I do fairly often have a memory pop up...but even all taken together I don't think that could amount to an hour a day). It also doesn't impair me much-maybe not at all-for social stuff or my job.

Well there you have it. Another long, boring post that hopefully no one will actually melt their brain trying to read
I am curious though to read about other's OCD like issues, if any.

Sweetie,it does sound like OCD,all the way.

I had it as a kid,not anymore ,phew.

Okay, thanks! Well then maybe I've got OCD and AS. I really want an official diagnosis on this.

If nothing else, my OCD is way, way, way less severe than when I was a kid.

Yeah, it really really sounds like OCD. And don't worry, I know the compulsions LOOK insane to you when you write them out, but anyone who has ever experienced any OCD-ish compulsions- like me- is able to understand. I don't think you're "stark raving mad" (haha) but you definitely do have OCD.

Thanks so much! Well, at least I know I *do* have that. I'm really hoping to get an official AS diagnosis too (or figure out what's wrong with me if it isn't that). Since the thing is, OCD doesn't explain anything about me at all, whereas AS seems to.

I dont think you have OCD.....I think you have developed some responses(similiar to stimming) to reduce anxiety created by being aspie.In this respect,most or all aspies share some charactoristics of OCD.(We do have strong compulssions to act on our obsessions and stims to releave anxiety and tend to have ruminating thoughts about social situations...how to do them,wha we may have done wrong,ways to change.....thats how we learn to function in NT world)So,to break it down....


Here are some common behaviors for many aspies......

A need to control an environment that is often confusing and beyond our control(bad things happen when you dont understand human interaction,have other AS difficulties including, "auditory processing disorder","clummsiness,teased by others,etc.)So,in order to have a "sense" of control in an often confussing environment.....we might develop certain "stims" which we can control and releave that feeling of being "out of control".....touching things by number of time,needing to have the comfort of always following the same path(very common AS),rituals in general can be soothing.....even for NT's(Ever seen Catholics "cross" themselves when they see something disturbing?)

As far as a "germ" phobia....has one of your interests ever been health related or Biology?Some people tend to "learn" information.....I think we "live" information.If you have read about all the possible illnesses and germs and what they can do....
there is some scary stuff out there.Hygene is important to human health and many people have been even more aware of this in recent time do to the medias coverage of......Staph infections that are resistant to drugs(flesh eating....scary),bird flu and documentorys about eventual pandemic.....reading Stephen Kings ,"The Stand"........We are also being bombarded by the media to "sterilize things with "home steamers",cleaning products showing the mom protecting their families from the "germs of the outside world"......I think their are companies trying to creat OCD now to sell products....there never used to even be "hand sanitizers" outside of hospitals.....now many products contain antibacterials....are there more bacteries then there were in the previous thousand years?

The irony of this is that....the more you "protect" yourself from "germs"....the less likely you are to allow your body to build up natural resistence to bacteria.....there by,making yourself MORE vulnerable to getting sick and creating bacteries resistant to antibacterial products.....not good.You may also have some residual fears of getting sick from childhood experiences with Strep throat.....I had it a few times as a kid and it is pretty painful.


One of my most annoying "habits" is ruminating thoughts(often going in circles).I think this is also very common is aspies.We are Autistic.....centered on self....NT,make that sound neg.that we are "self centered"...I have seen many here be very helpful to others,so I dont think we are "selfish" as much as "self aware"......we have a need to break things down,take them apart and try and understand them.....this is true,weither it is a computer or ourselves or our human interactios(often very confussing to us,because they are illogical in many ways)If you list your preoccupated thoughts,you can see they are "real fears" that most people have but that they are more able to suppress(maybe thats why the watch American Idol?)

What makes these fears more "real" for aspies,is that our worlds tend to be less stable and we are reliant on,often smaller,support systems......So,those support systems are not just a conveinance but life saving.ie....obs,not easy for some of us to get and keep,not as many or any friends to rely on if we were to lose our jobs and means of self support,my parents have loaned me money several times to avoid homelessness....So,worrying about these things for us,isnt really unusual or unrealistic.

The thing I have read about OCD,is that they dont really know if it is brain wiring or chemical(people do respond well to some chemical medications.One "theory" about it is that the body is having a release of chemicals that produce anxiety and lead to a fight or flight response(like andrinaline),and the rituals created(which may seem odd or out of context to the anxiety),releases other chemicals to help calm the individual....sounds a lot like stimming to me.This is similiar to the "anxiety" experienced by some peole with Taurettes(sp?)......perhaps all three....OCD,AS,Tourettes are all different wiring causing "inappropriate" chemical releases which creates anxiety that the individual then needs to do "some ritual" to self-sooth?

OOOOps,bit long,sorry,happens to be one of my obsessions.


I dont really think you have classical OCD,but anxiety related to AS.

I've met some really interesting Touretters. It is like their brains are running on 16 cylinders and spewing out ticcy witticisms and witty ticciscims.

I think you are pretty Aspergerish, Krex, and not in the least crazy (as referenced in a past post). I like your psychology interest.

Yes, I agree Pup has OCD tendancies related to AS. It seems to be a pretty common co-morbid.

Last edited by SeriousGirl on 25 Apr 2007, 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it sounds more like anxiety.

Your location string is interesting and I want to keep remembering it because something about that is nagging at me, like I did something similar when I was a kid.

And Krex, you are so informative, thank you. I think I have a brand new epiphany every time I read one of your posts. I've got to actually create a topic now!

I'm not sure either!

Thanks so much for your response, it's so helpful! (And for everyone's!) What you're saying really makes sense to me.

Regarding the germ phobia specifically, actually I think it DID start for two very specific reasons back when I was a child! I never thought about when it started before. It was around the time the news started bombarding us constantly with news about AIDS, and I was terrified of it, and thought I was going to get it.

Also around that same time, for two summers I was enrolled in sort of an animal/veterinarian related thing for kids at the local zoo. I absolutely loved it (I love animals), but then on the second to last day the teacher was passing around these little clear containers that had (dead, hopefully) parasites in them. Me being me, I opened them to get a better look at them. I don't think they were really sealed. Or if they were, not well.

Well, when she's taking them back and wrapping up the class, she tells us "I hope nobody opened those, they could get infected with a parasite"-I doubt those were the words exactly, but something to that effect. Anyway I just went cold with fear. I ran to the bathroom, and ran my hands under hot water for minutes and minutes, scrubbing with soap. I was terrified, and for whatever reason it never occurred to me to ask her if I would be okay having opened those containers, or even to ask my parents. I spent MONTHS in terror, thinking I was infected with parasites and was going to die.

I ended up missing a bunch of school the first half of that year (fourth grade) I think maybe a week or two at a time at some points, because I was so sure I was sick. I either never thought to tell my parents, or was two ashamed to tell my parents WHY I was doing that. But I know that's when I got really bad with OCD-like stuff, and washing and stuff. I wonder if that hadn't happened, if I wouldn't have gotten so freaked out about keeping stuff "clean"? Weird.

But anyway, everything else you said makes sense to me too!



Let me know if you can remember what! I'm really curious. I LOVE this site where I can let out my deepest, darkest secrets and people don't make fun of me! I think I would have been locked up had I said any of this on another site You guys are wonderful!

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I've been on medication for OCD. I was on it for several years, but it had no effect. Didn't improve anything, and symptoms didn't get any worse when I went off.

I had a lot of OCD-ish symptoms as a kid and a teen, although I was never diagnosed (they were all going on inside my head and I never told anyone). It got better on its own though during my teenage years, and I'd say it's gone now. The exact manifestation would change over time. This next description is what it was like when I was teen. I used to obsessively add up numbers in my head. Most numbers I saw, I had to make it equal either 3, 6, or 9, preferably 3 or 9. So for instance, now it is 11:54 AM. That's any easy one. 5+4*1*1 is nine. Or, 5-4+1+1 is three. Also, 5*4-1-1 is 18, and 1+8 is 9. You could go on for a while with this set of numbers. Some numbers were tough though, especially if they were shorter. I used to feel compelled to do this all the time. Also, I used to always write words in my head, then write over them, and then "cut them out" mentally. Both these things took up a lot of mental energy, and were really distracting, especially while I was reading, because I would do the writing thing with interesting words, and the number thing with the page numbers. Not any more though- THANK GOD! However, I'm an excellent speller, and quite fast with mental arithmetic, especially when it comes to working out little tricks for more complicated problems, so maybe there was some long-term benefit to it.

The things from when you were a kid definitely sound like OCD. The social interaction obsessions sound to me like Social Anxiety Disorder, which I have. As recently as a few months ago, I spent a tremendous amount of energy obsessing over social interactions that had happened either recently, or even a year or more before. I've been in therapy for a while, and that's helped, but what has really made a huge difference for me was getting on Lexapro back in December. It took a little while to be effective, but my anxiety symptoms have decreased dramatically, especially when it comes to ruminating about things afterward. I still experience a lot of anxiety while I am actually in a social situation, but it's still better than it was. Also, my eye contact has improved slightly. So, you might want to look into getting help for anxiety.

I don't know what is going on with your germ-phobia. As some has suggested, that might be anxiety, or a manifestation of AS, but it might be OCD, too.

Just read in The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome that a HUGE percentage of people with AS have anxiety, and a big percentage have OCD symptoms. A full 25% can be clinically diagnosed as also having OCD, so obviously it's common!

He said it's really common for AS people to have had anxiety their entire life, even in childhood, which is sure me.

Thanks for the comments LostInSpace! I'm writing down that Lexapro in case I want to try something in the future once I'm diagnosed.

It's interesting to me that you were doing sort of a "base 3" thing with your numbers. To me it makes sense that 9 was even more preferable, because I was doing it with 2, and 4 is 2 2's (and 16 was great because it was 4 4's). interesting that it could be based on a different number.

Ironically my two favorite numbers have always been odd-3 and 7, not 2 or 4.

Thankfully having to do all that is almost completely gone. I do sometimes rewind through something on my Tivo that's freaked me out, to watch it an even number of times, or read backwards through a passage in a book that's freaked me out to "undo it". But I am *SO THANKFUL* I'm not being overwhelmed by all this OCD junk anymore.

It's actually gotten noticeably better too just since I've been investigating AS. It's weird, but it's like I feel more comfortable in feeling anxiety or whatever, thinking there's an actual rational reason for it, and the OCD stuff has been getting even weaker.

Have you tried prozac ( or any other SSRI)?

I'm glad my post was helpful, Wolfpup. Yeah, Lexapro has worked really well for me- good luck if you decide to go that route.

Yeah, I've always been into multiples of three, ever since before I turned nine (I know it was at least that early, because of how thrilled I was that I was 9). 9 is the best number for me, followed by 3, with 6 trailing far behind. I still have a thing about a "base 3 system" as you put it, and I'm still happy when my age is a multiple of 3. I'm 22 now- boo!

I never had to watch things a certain number of times, but I did always keep my eye on the timer, or whatever it's called that shows how long you've been watching, and I would always do my number thing with that. I would also keep my eye out for play times like "3:33" or "30:30" or anything like that. I still *notice* when the clock time is a number that is particularly beautiful to me, but I don't add up numbers any more to make them fit.

i was one aspergers dude that could never figure out ocd

I dont think I am OCD,but must say that......36 is a magical number and I did enjoy numerology,even if I didnt think it was a science any more then astrology.

I have been "obsessed with the number 36 since childhood,18 is pretty special,tto and pretty much anything related to number 9...(heard the Beattes Song?)...there is just something mystical about it.

I remember in grade school, when we learned multiplication, how cool multiples of 9 are......they are all....one less then the number being multiplied by 9 and then add up to 9.......ex....4x9=36.......3 is one less then 4 and if you add 6 to it=9
3x9=27.......2 is one less then 3 and add 7 to it=9

how cool is that....(I thought it was magic when I was a kid )