How to get your spouse to understand.

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Hi everyone,
I'm new here. And I'm having this problem I could use a bit of help with. My son is 2 1/2 and he has autism. My husband struggles with it a tad but he has accepted it and does very well with helping out his needs. But my son plays for a special needs sports team. With kids all ages and disorders. My son loves it. They don't keep score as it is just for fun for the kiddos. Well my husband has a problem with him playing because some of the kids disorders are worse than my son's and he feels like my son (doing things that other kids can't ) playing might make them feel bad. And know matter how I try to explain it he gets mad and doesn't want to talk about it. He hasn't been to one of his games yer because he has had to work but we have one coming up that he can make and he kinda said he didn't want to go. I know once he see them play and how happy the kids are and how loving they are he will change his mind. But how do I get him to understand and go to the game without pushing to hard??

Maybe the real problem is that he doesn't think he can handle watching disabled kids play?

I'll throw out a couple theories...

Was your husband diagnosis?

If he wasn't diagnosed, and didn't see *proof* , it could be boat load of magical thinking. Oh, I'm just quirky and my kid has a touch of Autism. Dads can be in denial too. That magical think hits the pavement when reality is presented. Yes, your kid has Autism, and is low functioning enough to be on a disabled kids' team.

It also could be that type of crowd situation is really uncomfortable for him. People you don't know. Small talk. Just sensory overload. My husband had huge issue with outdoor sports with our kid because of the sun and all the stimuli.

It could also be...he actually believes what he is saying. My husband has said things that make me go WTF?

This is how my husband would have come up with the same conclusion.

My son is not as disabled as those kids.

He will do things the other kids can't do.

Those kids will get angry and those parents will get angry.

If I am there, they will talk to me about why my son is there. I will have to agree with them, and those parents will be angry at me. Then my wife will be angry because I agreed with those parents. Now everyone will be angry at me.

I'd rather not go, then to be with a whole bunch of people questioning me and getting angry.

It could be a combination of all three theories.

I would lay off the pressure about going. If he doesn't actually stop you from taking your son, all the requests are stressing him out. If I put that kind of pressure on my ASD husband, meltdown mode will be just around the corner. No one wins with a screaming melt down.

I leave open invitations for my husband to do things. We'd love to have you come, here's the time and date. And THAT IS IT.

I would let this go for now, unless you guys are in counseling and can dig a little deeper to see the true reasoning.

My husband hasn't been diagnosed and nor would I ever say that he might need to go see if he is. He's a very hard headed narrow minded person at times. But he is an amazing dad don't get me wrong my son has other medical issues and he is very serious about taking care of it. I think his biggest problem is you can't physically see autism on the outside it's a lot of behavioral traits. And he was raised sturn. Where you could fix those type of things. I just kinda laid out my concerns to him about it tonight and dropped it. And he is stopping our son from playing after this season is over. But our son loves it so much I no if I could get him there he would change. But I don't want a wedge between us either. And as far as therapy my husband doesn't believe in it.

Men and women work together in perfect harmony of nature when they work together. Seriously tho. One side says "Oh hes having fun playing with the other kids, anything else is just negative".
He basically does not want to say "Hanging out with those kids will not let him be used to neurotypicals, or maybe even make him get used to being handed everything and have a weak character like many disabled kids get because of being too pampered." or maybe he has many other reasons. I have to say I agree with him and you two have to work together. Why cant he join a baseball team with normal kids. Autism does not impair physical abilities. Theres no need to have a autistic kid on a special baseball team. Listen to him and work together cause you are both human and working for the childs better good.

He's only on the special needs tem cause he's to and they won't let you play sports on teams where I live till 4 or 5 so my thought process is I'm letting him rest the waters in the different sports since it is free so that when he starts school he can play whichever sports he ends up liking.