What are your social scripts?

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I don't actually have much. I am trying to think of social scripts for explaining my sexuality in a way that won't make me seem confused.

I have a list of general social scripts/tricks I made for myself during my research into this and making my inventory of things I do to pass by.

None of it deals with sexual scripting though. Dunno if you would want me to PM the list to you.

That'll be difficult to do. Your sexuality is pretty complex.

"Queer" means something different nowadays.

It used to mean "male homosexual." But now it means your sexuality is fluid, if I'm not mistaken.

Instead of explaining anything, did you ever consider just simply saying something like, "I'm working on it." SMile and just let it be mysterious?

Now, be aware that I do know that would be almost impossible for me. I tend to info dump and many times, just too personal as well.

It's just so much easier to say or suggest when removed from the situation.

Also, why would you need to explain anything?

I don't want to seem confused. For me that's worst thing ever. When people know what queer means, I don't need to explain anything. Unfortunately people don't know what queer means, so they ask for more details. Here are the scripts I've thought of and I'm having trouble with. These are based on real conversations I've had.

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1. "What does queer mean?"
"Someone who isn't straight,"
"Can you clarify what you mean?"/"Are you gay or bi?" This is the part where I start having problems. I could say "Why do you need to know?" or "I'm just plain queer. I don't mess around with those labels." I want to sound assertive, but I'm guessing this script just sounds confused.


2. "Are you into men or women?"/"What genders are you attracted to?"
"Doesn't matter," This is the answer I have right now. The upside is, people stop asking questions. The big downside to this answer is that this answer implies I'm bi. I'm not a fan of implying I'm bi, but it's better than seeming confused.

3. "Are you attracted to men?"
"I don't date men," If the conversation stops here, it's one of the easiest. If
they ask about my sex life with men I'll say "I don't mess around with men,"
If they start to ask about attraction again, that's where I get stuck.

4. "Are you gay, straight or bi?"
If it's the first thing they ask I'll say: "I'm not that into labels," or "None of them, I'm just queer."
If it's after a longer conversation I'll say "Why are you so obsessed with old-fashioned labels?"

Honesty is only if you feel you have the hide to take insults/weird stares. I usually do, but some days I retreat into myself and lie. Social scripts I consider essential.

Fancy dinner/dodging script: "I'm just normal. But enough about myself, I heard you were a ____ in the field/area of ____! Tell me about all about it, it seems so interesting!"

What is your job script (I'm unemployed roughly 80%/dealing with depression): I'm a jack of all trades, right now I'm taking time off to pursue my passion for (interesting sounding hobby).

Sexuality/bisexuality script: "I judge people on how good they are, not their gender." With this one you really have to sell it because of the "you're just confused" BS adult puke out as a defense.

Just tell them you're a butterfly waiting to land on just the right flower. Give 'em a wink and just smile. And as mentioned above, switch the focus. Practice it, practice it practice it so it feels or comes off naturally.

As you can see, my life motto has been 'if you can't bedazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.'

I come from a day and age where those kind of questions you're fielding were just not asked. It had nothing to do with the expected binary gender issues. Do you really think that there were no gays or lesbians or transgender before stonewall?

So, I'm a bit perplexed about this. But, I do suggest a quick one liner and shift into another topic as outlined above.

Sounds pretty wishy washy. Today people LOVE to ask questions. They don't just want to know who I'm interested in dating, they also want to know about my sex life and who I'm attracted to. I just want to date a girl already. Even if I'm not that into her. I can then say I've only ever dated girls. It's simple and most people will accept that as "proof."

????
There's a difference between wishy-washy and mysterious. Well, gonna chalk this up to generational divide. I really don't understand the current need to overshare everything. Sooooo, no judgements or reproach, I'm just out of my league and understanding.

That just sounds incredibly invasive to me. I have to admit that would freak me out if I was asked that type of question if I didn't really know someone very, very well and established a level of trust.

I was just saying that mentioning butterflies and flowers sound wishy washy and weird. No one my age would say that. It's not that I'm oversharing, people just ask way too many questions. People seem to think they have a right to ask queer people questions. Maybe I should think of a badass way of saying none of your business.

Well, some people ask because nobody tells us anything.

I was at my school one day. I went out for a smoke break. I asked a student if I could take their picture because they were the epitome of finals burnout. You college students/graduates know what I mean.

Student said yes. Then announced they were transgender. ?????

What the heck do I do with that? Well, I wait until I find someone I have anything resembling rapport with and make an idiot of myself.

So.....it goes both ways.

And, whether you overshare or not (I never said you did, just made the generalization), they expect you to just open up. So, again, that would not be a question asked in my day and age. You would really ahve to know someone very, very well first and have found things out on the sly to know it was ok. It was a different world. Hell, you couldn't even say 'hell' on TV. So.......

That does sound a bit weird. I don't go up to random people and tell them I'm queer. I'm just so sick of ignorant straight people. It's not the lack of knowledge that bothers me. It's the people who are pretty much uneducateable. I better not go to the bar because I bet I'd beat up ignorant straight people if I'm drunk.

Well, for one, welcome to my life. This sort of stuff happens to me all the time. But, I remain ignorant because I screw things up when I do ask, trying o not be ignorant, or just stay bumfuzzled about all of this.

To be honest, it's not like it's a static definition either for many people. It is very confusing on the outside. Even you're secretly on the inside, you're still on the outside because you have nobody to ask anything about.

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying why it can still be confusing to the people who are not 'in the know.'

And, here's the kicker....you're having a conversation with an old man who has screwed up every relationship I've ever had.

Soooo, should you even listen to me at all? LOL

Hello zkydz. May I have a copy of that script?

Sure...Let me dig it out and I'll PM it to you.

It's a list of my life hacks that work, but also an analysis of their failures.

Basically, it's a starting point, but if you use it to identify and start from, it should be ok.

Get it right to you.

Edit: Ok...I sent it. Enjoy slogging though it....

You don't have to tell anybody anything about your sexuality. If a straight guy likes you, and you don't like him that way, all you have to do is say, in diplomatic terms, that you're not interested. You don't have to explain WHY. Just say something along the lines of "I just don't feel that sort of attraction for you."

Truthfully, even these days, most people don't run into many people who profess that they are totally gay or totally straight. They believe in absolutes: you're either one or the other. And the other, often, is not really acceptable.

Others, though, have a better understanding because they (as straight people) have experienced gay feelings; and others (as gay people) have experienced straight feelings.

Kinsey might not be perfect; but he's probably better than most people in the street at expressing multiple sexualities.